AiBU to decline sun hol with relatives due to food timings?

[user1471554720]

Normally I go on hols wirh dh and 2 tween dcs in June. We go on a sun hol half board, with breakfast and dinner in a package. I always put on weight due to having breakfast, a small lunch and wine with dinner. We eat dinner at 7pm so not too late.

I am 5ft 3, 53 years old,weigh 11 stone. I follow a loose version of the 16:8 to maintain this, not eating til 12pm and eating 2 meals a day.

I don't mind putting up the weight as weather is fine over the summer and I exercise a lot with walks, jogging. It comes off over a month.

For the past few years, I have taken a second sun hol in Sep/Oct with 2 relatives one 40 years and one 70s, also half board.

I find it much harder to get the weight down after it due to winter and not able to exercise as much outside. I work fulltine and don't have loads of time for gyms.

The two relatives eat breakfast, then nothing til dinner at 8pm. I tried this and was very hungry by dinner. I suggested getting dinner early and one laughed like as if I am greedy. The correct thing for me would be to skip breakfast and eat a lunch. This would make the waiting for 8pm dinner more bearable.

I am considering not going this year, as it looks odd not eating the breakfast. If i do eat breakfast I can't fast til 8pm and eat lots of calories with 3 meals.

I don't eat out or go to pubs at home so the dinner and wine is very important to me.

Also when I go on hols with the relatives, one drinks very little. One will share wine with me and will drink more than her share. They go to pubs to get beer after but I don't love the wine in pubs so the wine with the meal is my only chance. I try ordering a different wine to them so as to get my small bottle to myself.

Don’t go if you don’t want to. If it doesn’t make you happy and your family are intolerant and disapproving what’s the point?

The food is a red herring - you shouldn't want to go on holiday with them as they sound like judgmental twats. Even if you were 6 stone and 5 ft 10 it wouldn't be acceptable for them (imo) to comment on overweight people or comment on what others are or are not eating.

This was my guess based on the OP’s holiday experience, which is not in the UK and my experience in side US bars.

Wine in pubs is rotten, I have tried.

Many Beer-centric bars in my region of the US are the same. Not much wine is served and so it’s not a priority for them. Was in my favorite dive last night and have finally asked if they had any non-US wine. Our wines are mostly newer (avg age < 8 years) and contain high levels of ethanol. Also, not rules in US about chemical additives - flavors and colors which means one glass can give me a 3 day headache.

My regular place has just one wine that I will drink. Last night I ordered a glass and the server didn’t even know it existed. Then it was completely skunked because it had been sitting open for days. The bartender happily opened a new bottle for me, but it was a big faff.

The food timings is only part of it. It sounds like you don't enjoy their company on holiday, or the room arrangements, and being hungry is just adding to that.

Don't go, for whatever reason, if you won't enjoy it. But maybe have a think about how you're "blaming" it (for want of a better word) on the meal times, rather that actually not really wanting to be in their company (which is fine too).

Reading between the lines, it sounds like you're going with your sister and Mum and feel a bit obliged to go, but you want to have an excuse not to. It's fine to just decline.

Are you reading a different thread - this is not a nice family holiday!

Don't go. It sounds as though, even (especially) if you did what suits you food and drink-wise they would make it miserable.

You deserve better.

The food is only part of it, but would it work if you made up a sandwich or filled baguette at breakfast and kept that for your lunch? It's not really stealing buffet food if you're just taking it to eat at another time,and would satisfy relatives needs to see you getting value for money.

I usually put up about 7 or 8 pounds after a holiday. After a few days in my normal routine this reduces to 5 pounds and I spend a month or two getting this off.

This is DESPITE walking 20k steps each day, having a very small or no lunch and having fish for dinner with a snall amount of potatoes/pasta and half bottle of wine. I eat two scoops ice cream and I drink water throughout the day.

I don't want to become even more strict by cutting out wine and ice cream. A holiday is about being relaxed so I AM relaxing and putting up 8 pounds!

I dread to think what would happen if i ate all meals and didn't watch portion size.

@TorroFerney i wanted to say they all sound totally nuts -but you've kindly said it for me

I am considering not going this year, as it looks odd not eating the breakfast

Why would that look odd? Your two relatives don't eat lunch, so clearly they understand the concept of skipping meals.

Honestly, you're really making a mountain out of a molehill here with all this fuss about amounts of wine and meal timings. Just adapt your holiday to suit your needs. You don't have to have breakfast just because other people are. You don't have to eat an evening meal with them every night. You're an adult and you're quibbling over tiny things that are easily sorted.

'Not liking the wine in pubs' is ridiculous. Most pubs have plenty of different ones and will be sourcing them from exactly the same places as the restaurants do.

OP, I wouldn't go on the other holiday. The one with your DH and children sounds lovely, the other one seems rigid and with judgemental people. That's aside from you own eating schedule, which could be a whole other thread.

You're all adults. Don't eat breakfast if you don't want to. Have a lovely lunch by yourself. You don't need to skip the whole holiday!

I think you think about food too much and in quite a disordered way…

Also we all share a room to keep costs down

Wait, what?! |Are you saying you and your DH share a room with a couple of other adults?

OK, never mind the food issue - that's the least of your worries. Your updates suggest that, even if you ate the way you wanted to eat, your holiday would entail you sharing a room with two adult relatives that you don't even like very much (I don't blame you, they sound awful), which is surely no fun whatsoever.

The whole thing sounds weird to me.

I make up a sandwich and eat it at lunch when on hols with dh and dcs. I can diet the weight off when at home over the summer. We have dinner at 7pm so not starving.

When I eat the lunchtime sandwich with relatives I try to eat it discreetly. It is still more calories, which is hard to get off in the winter. I am still very hungry for the late dinner and even feel a bit nausea as i am so long waiting.

Honestly food/ weight used to take up as much hesdspace in my head as this and im so so glad it doesnt anymore. There’s being healthy and there’s this. This isnt healthy imo

YABU to let this rule your life so much that you won’t go on holiday??? You also don’t have to eat when they eat or you can compromise and eat at 7:30.

👆 This

I understand your concern as weight issues are a common concern with people but I would suggest that you are very rigid in your thinking about control. You are trying to be flexible with others but deviating from how you usually do things is clearly quite stressful for you and it really shouldn't be when it comes to a holiday.

But I also recognise that other people's eating habits drive me insane and would just agree to do what works best for each individual when it comes to breakfast/lunch/snacks. After all, surely you are not spending 24hrs a day together? If you all can't compromise to work together for dinner then I would rethink if these are people that I want to go on holiday with.

This is your DM and your Dsis isn't it ?

Do you actually enjoy the holiday? You don't have to go you know.
Or go and bring some protein bars, ignore their comments at breakfast and do what works for you.

Gently, this really isn’t a normal way to look at food, it’s obsessive.

Not all eating disorders are skinny people throwing up. They start as unbreakable routines and timings and being absolutely unable to build any flexibility in when surroundings change

Honestly your life sounds very, very sad if you are dictating your holidays (and your day to day life by the sounds of it) on maintaining your desired weight. Live your life 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do 16:8 too and I sort of get the dilemma and sort of not. I am going away with my DH and older kids next week. I will be eating to suit myself - skipping breakfast, and if the others aren't hungry at 12 noon or 1pm because they have eaten a hearty breakfast, then I'll just sort myself out.

You don't HAVE to all move en masse on a holiday. It's perfectly OK to eat separately at times if it doesn't suit you. Skip your breakfast, they can have that alone. Then have lunch whenever you want it, all have dinner together. Drink whatever you want.

Why do you have this idea that being on holiday with people means you have to do exactly what they're doing, 100% of the time?

Not the Stark family from Hitchin are they? Absolutely vile about anyone overweight and the sort that couldn't possibly eat a whole salad.

It sounds like you don’t really like them or enjoy their company? If that’s the case that’s a good enough reason to not go.
if they are people you will have a good time with just go and tell them you’ll skip breakfast and meet them after. I do that all the time and no one cares

In the kindest way possible, if food and drink timings are controlling your life to this extent, you need counselling.
If you enjoy spending time with the relatives, don’t miss out because of this.
It would be a shame to have a relative die and think “oh I could have spent more time with them but I really wanted to skip breakfast and eat lunch”.