AiBU to decline sun hol with relatives due to food timings?

[user1471554720]

Normally I go on hols wirh dh and 2 tween dcs in June. We go on a sun hol half board, with breakfast and dinner in a package. I always put on weight due to having breakfast, a small lunch and wine with dinner. We eat dinner at 7pm so not too late.

I am 5ft 3, 53 years old,weigh 11 stone. I follow a loose version of the 16:8 to maintain this, not eating til 12pm and eating 2 meals a day.

I don't mind putting up the weight as weather is fine over the summer and I exercise a lot with walks, jogging. It comes off over a month.

For the past few years, I have taken a second sun hol in Sep/Oct with 2 relatives one 40 years and one 70s, also half board.

I find it much harder to get the weight down after it due to winter and not able to exercise as much outside. I work fulltine and don't have loads of time for gyms.

The two relatives eat breakfast, then nothing til dinner at 8pm. I tried this and was very hungry by dinner. I suggested getting dinner early and one laughed like as if I am greedy. The correct thing for me would be to skip breakfast and eat a lunch. This would make the waiting for 8pm dinner more bearable.

I am considering not going this year, as it looks odd not eating the breakfast. If i do eat breakfast I can't fast til 8pm and eat lots of calories with 3 meals.

I don't eat out or go to pubs at home so the dinner and wine is very important to me.

Also when I go on hols with the relatives, one drinks very little. One will share wine with me and will drink more than her share. They go to pubs to get beer after but I don't love the wine in pubs so the wine with the meal is my only chance. I try ordering a different wine to them so as to get my small bottle to myself.

Honestly, you seem to have a lot of issues with food and alcohol, to the point where it is ruining even the concept of a holiday.

Under nourishing yourself won't make you lose weight. You have to give your body enough fuel to function. Also... exercise isn't a direct link to weight. Calories in vs calories out + exercise is a very outdated and unscientific approach.

I think you need to educate yourself on how the body works. Begin with the Glucose Goddess, Ultra Processed People and the Obesity Code.

'Wine is pubs is rotten'... erm... you know it's just the same wine, opened and decanted in the same place, right??? I live in a wine region, and we have attended many events where wine is drank, in many different venues. But again, I refer you to suggested food and drink issues. If you cannot possibly enjoy yourself without wine, this suggests an alcohol problem that goes beyond 'having a little treat'.

Ask for a packed breakfast and eat it at lunchtime if you must. Or... as an adult, eat the food you want to eat on your holiday without worrying that your relatives will think that you are weird. They obviously want to go away with you because they like your company (despite food obsessions!).

A voice of reason. I agree OP, don't go away with people who are mean and judgemental about people's habits and appearances. Your relatives sound like arseholes. Go on the holiday your enjoy and tell the others to have a nice time without you.

It's not the food timings, it's that these people are performative, judgemental and sometimes downright obnoxious about food and body size. You won't have a good time because they'll be making you constantly stressed about eating and weight and you won't be able to just do what works for you in peace. Honestly it isn't normal to be giving this much thought to what and how you'll eat on holiday, and it seems you don't feel you have to when you go with your husband and kids...just these people.

Just don't go, it will be awful. They're terrible company. It'll be stressful and joyless.

I also struggle with my weight and do 16/8. I also find I need to exercise to lose weight.
Given how many steps you are taking I would think that you are consuming quite a lot of calories to gain 5 to 7 pounds over the break. Where can you trim some of them? Your easiest hit is to skip breakfast since you don't want to eat breakfast anyway.
Can you book without half board? If not just state that breakfast doesn't agree with you. They will give up pushing you after a couple of days.
Get your sandwich for lunch.
You have two more difficulties, the time you eat in the evening and the wine. I wouldn't try to shift dinner time because it impacts on others. Is there a small snack that you can eat before dinner that would get you through to 8.
When it comes to dinner can you find some easy ways of reducing calories, you said that your companions eat small portions. It sounds like there is some wriggle room.
The above might enable you to drink the wine you want even if you have to skip dessert.

If you gain 7 pounds in a week that’s 3500 extra calories per day than your body needs.

I've read all the op's thread and agree.
This holiday sounds utterly joyless.
Food is one of life's joys.

I would decide how much you want to spend time with these relatives. If you do think it would be nice to stay in touch this way why don't you explain you need to keep your weight down and that you want to have an early lunch/late breakfast/brunch at 11ish so you do not want them to be included in the breakfast. Then at 11ish just make sure you eat something - whether it's a sarnie or a salad - something light but sustaining and then you can enjoy your evening meal. If these rellies are really judgemental about what you eat and drink I'd think twice about travelling with them.

This ^
OP, I haven’t read the full thread but I have read all of yours. For the reasons articulated by this PP, of course you’re not unreasonable to not go. I’d be the same in your shoes.

However - and I presume this has been suggested above - if this is the sole reason for you not wanting to go (and frankly it doesn’t sound like this is the case), why don’t you not go for breakfast and just suck up the cost of a salad at lunch at 1pm say, and have dinner at 8 with the relatives.

I love a nice hotel and for the most part they are B&B. I always feel hard done by because I rarely eat breakfast so never get to avail of something I’ve paid for. My husband and DC love a good breakfast so room only is never an option. good luck with whatever option you choose.

Just eat when you want, it’s your holiday too. Can’t see this being a tricky matter tbh. They have breakfast , you have lunch, you all have dinner. Lovely.

Your relationship with food is worrying, and intermittent fasting especially. Why are you letting it dominate your life? Just eat when the others do but stop before you're full. Drink what you want when you want, it's up to you. Stop making a big deal about food, enjoy it but don't overdo it.

You're an adult act like one and eat and drink as suits you!

OP - I get it. Apologies, haven’t read the full thread but everyone is different and the posters who tell you to eat less / drink less are not really very empathetic.
Many people have food styles - and I call it that deliberately, it’s not a food problem. It’s hard enough living in this world and staying slim when 80% of a supermarket is full of rubbish food. Good luck to those who can but perhaps the stats on obesity in the U.K. are slightly more relevant than a Mumsnet scolder.
I think it’s sad that your relatives aren’t more forgiving and go with your flow. What’s normal here - a fixed dinner at 8pm? Not really. The space in the bathroom etc all point to more than a “food” issue. They’re taking your space, think it’s fine to drink your wine (secretly) - it’s just all a bit unacceptable and not really that nice. And then joke if you make other suggestions. If it makes you even the slightest bit uneasy just say sorry this year it won’t work for me - I love our time together but will leave it this time. No other explanation needed - just say that over and over to them; no need for an elaborate reason.
Also, I can’t stand wine in pubs! I’ve done many wine courses and am now semi-professional and perhaps 1 in 20 pubs in the U.K. serves a decent glass. If you have to, go for the Rioja! X

I’m exhausted just reading that. Holidays are meant to be relaxing so I don’t think I’d bother going on one that was going to cause me that much stress.

FGS holidays are supposed to be enjoyed. It sounds like this one is going to be a nightmare so don’t go.

Much ado about nothing. You’re an adult. If you don’t want breakfast don’t eat it!

It sounds like you have a slightly tricky relationship with these relatives. If you can afford it, you would probably find it easier to have your own room. Space for you and your belongings, and a mini fridge that you can stock with lunch items.

Then you can just have tea or coffee at breakfast (or skip it altogether). Then retreat to your room for a ‘nap’ or to ‘cool down’ when you get hungry. No fuss or bother.

The wine at dinner would bug me. Best thing would be to casually fill up both your glasses before you go to the buffet etc.

I voted that you are NOT being unreasonable - just don't go. It really doesn't sound like a relaxing holiday, squashed in one room with relatives who you don't seem to be comfortable around and who do not seem to think your needs are important. If you do go, you should just eat and drink when and what you want to according to your own choices. But crumbs, it sounds like a nightmare. Wouldn't you rather just stay home?

Sounds like food controls your life.

Look this all sounds a bit stressful to me! I’m 46 had a baby at 42 and can’t lose the baby-weight ! I categorically wouldnt give up a holiday over eating times ! Maybe just my view but life is too short ! I run and work out 3 times a week but seriously not gonna restrict my diet on holiday!

Don't go on the holiday. Sounds like its stressful for you, so why bother. You have a lot of anxiety about weight gain I see and if your relatives can't accommodate you, just stick to the one with your dh and kids. If you must go on this 2nd trip, then you can't really complain about it as you know what you're in for and you do it anyway. Don't go

Eat what you want when you want it.

You want breakfast, have it, if you don't, don't.

Same with lunch, dinner and wine.

If they comment tell them you have reached your own eating habits for your health and won't be changing them on holiday.

So you actually want to go?

This! I’m surprised the other people involved aren’t on here asking how to uninvite the OP!

We often go on holidays where elaborate breakfasts are included. I’m never hungry till I’ve been up for a few hours. I generally have coffee and very little to eat, but take a collapsible bag and take yogurts, cheese, fruit, a hb egg, from buffet, wrap them in napkins and then eat when I’m hungry around noon or early afternoon. Then a nice dinner

Dear lord - STOP worrying about what other people think!!! Do what YOU want to do on holiday and sod what your relatives say or think!

Yes, because she needs space for her toiletries and that’s outrageous.

Also, who eats lunch? Who doesn’t love going ten hours with no food?