AiBU to decline sun hol with relatives due to food timings?

[user1471554720]

Normally I go on hols wirh dh and 2 tween dcs in June. We go on a sun hol half board, with breakfast and dinner in a package. I always put on weight due to having breakfast, a small lunch and wine with dinner. We eat dinner at 7pm so not too late.

I am 5ft 3, 53 years old,weigh 11 stone. I follow a loose version of the 16:8 to maintain this, not eating til 12pm and eating 2 meals a day.

I don't mind putting up the weight as weather is fine over the summer and I exercise a lot with walks, jogging. It comes off over a month.

For the past few years, I have taken a second sun hol in Sep/Oct with 2 relatives one 40 years and one 70s, also half board.

I find it much harder to get the weight down after it due to winter and not able to exercise as much outside. I work fulltine and don't have loads of time for gyms.

The two relatives eat breakfast, then nothing til dinner at 8pm. I tried this and was very hungry by dinner. I suggested getting dinner early and one laughed like as if I am greedy. The correct thing for me would be to skip breakfast and eat a lunch. This would make the waiting for 8pm dinner more bearable.

I am considering not going this year, as it looks odd not eating the breakfast. If i do eat breakfast I can't fast til 8pm and eat lots of calories with 3 meals.

I don't eat out or go to pubs at home so the dinner and wine is very important to me.

Also when I go on hols with the relatives, one drinks very little. One will share wine with me and will drink more than her share. They go to pubs to get beer after but I don't love the wine in pubs so the wine with the meal is my only chance. I try ordering a different wine to them so as to get my small bottle to myself.

I would not go on holiday with anyone who likes to point out overweight people they see.

Sounds like the breakfast is the issue- why don’t you just say you’ve been given advice by a dietitian not to eat breakfast and you’re not bothered about the money as it’s such a good deal overall.

You are really overthinking this.

Take the focus off the food and onto the actually holiday itself.

This can’t be real surely?! All this angst over a few days.

I have fasted for years, a week or two
off really makes sod all difference long term.

Go on holiday with people you like and then eat and drink what you like, when you like and bloody unclench.

They sound terrible. So maybe don’t go because they aren’t nice people to spend time with. But it sounds like you’ve internalised their values too, and whether you go or not it would be good for you to find a way to laugh at them rather than take their shallow judgeyness so seriously. By all means pay attention to healthy diet and weight but it’s not shameful to be a pretty normal size or even overweight and it’s not morally virtuous to be extra slim. It is morally dubious and complicated vacuous to care about nothing else though!

I already walk a lot on hols, about 15k to 20k steps a day, trying to distract myself from the hunger. I like to sit out but the hunger feels worse when sitting out.

When I hol with dh I eat a sandwich at lunch, and an earlier dinner. I sit out more as I am not continually hungry.

With the 16:8 I can fast overnight as I am asleep. Then the last is broken by an early lunch and normal time dinner. The earlt breakfast makes me starving at 2pm even though i have eggs, fruit, yoghurt.

Can you book room only to not waste money on a breakfast you don’t eat, then let the others have breakfast without you, you grab a sandwich for lunch, and you then all go for dinner together?

The whole thing is in a plan so I can't just get dinner. Also we all share a room to keep costs down. The space is tight in the room and they have possessions in the wardrobe, lots of bottles in the bathroom. I had to laugh the last time and say I have nowhere to put my toothbrush and I will have to leave clothes in my case. They cleared a (small) space.

Can't they go to breakfast without you if just a drink is too much for you? Why do you care what they think?

OP- food timing food issues aside it sounds like these relatives aren't people whose company you enjoy, or who you can tell that their opinions aren't welcome.

Posters can bang on about how you shouldn't listen to your relatives, or let them upset you, and that you should eat what and when suits you. However it sounds like realistically you're not going to be able to do that, and the reality is that you will feel uncomfortable, judged and pressured.

IMO a holiday with these dynamics isn't worth going on and you should skip it.

Sweetheart. I also have hyper critical relatives so I get this to a point. I have literally not attended a funeral of one of my aunts because I knew others there would comment on my weight.

If it is this bad then don't go on holiday with them. Go on a different holiday. One that does not stress you out.

By the way 11 stone is not fat. Being generous of boobage is not fat. Even if you were fat this is not a moral failing.

Oh the things we put ourselves through. ❤

You don't have to be around people who comment on other people's bodies, or miserably share a room or engage with them in scrutinising meals. Enjoy life without spending time around people like this.

Your boobs are not going to shrink they are what they are....I have 12 bottom and 18 top boobs grow every year I weigh less than when I got married but my dress wouldn't fit half my boob my surgeon (had cancer) said that they accounted for 2 stone of my weight. I was desperately trying to lose weight when I didn't need to

They sound awful.

I am in the minority vote. I’d not enjoy a holiday where I’m held to someone else’s eating and drinking habits. Also, pub wine is awful in many places.

Just skip breakfast and have lunch - no idea why you think this wouldn't be strange. Explain to relatives you normally do it this way and prefer it. They obviously aren't worried about sticking to their own slightly unusual schedule so why are you?! Also how can you dislike all wine in all pubs. It will be different everywhere!

All of this does not sound like a holiday.

Is anything about it nice?

Look, I weigh 11 stone as well but you sound decidedly obsessive about your weight.

Traipsing the streets to stave off your hunger is not normal. It seems you have bigger problems than whether to go on this holiday or not tbh.

I don't think this is so much about food and more about the fact you don't really like these people so much and don't want to go on holiday with them. A holiday should be something to look forward to, not all this angst.

I think because most people don’t go to pubs to drink wine. So the selection is often limited and sometimes the bottles are opened and left sitting.

I don’t like them either, having read that they mentions other people’s weight, take up too much space and have firm ideas about what and when everyone else should be eating.

Yes, this sounds more like a punishment than a holiday? Do you even want to go?

Honestly, it's bonkers not to go on holiday (presuming you enjoy holidays and care about these people) because of mealtimes - surely you can see how daft it is to allow food to affect your life this much?

It sounds like you just don’t like them. Why go on holiday with people you don’t like?

I weigh a lot more* *than 11 st (11st would be my target weight at weight watchers!) and any relative that nit picked so much about what I ate and drank on holiday would swiftly be told to fuck right off!!!
Eat what you want, drink what you want, if you gain a few pounds so be it - its a holiday, not a test of endurance.

Goodness, it's only food OP, not a course of life saving medical treatment!

Eat what you want and eat when you want and stop worrying about what others think or say.

The best thing about being an adult is the autonomy it brings.