AiBU to decline sun hol with relatives due to food timings?

[user1471554720]

Normally I go on hols wirh dh and 2 tween dcs in June. We go on a sun hol half board, with breakfast and dinner in a package. I always put on weight due to having breakfast, a small lunch and wine with dinner. We eat dinner at 7pm so not too late.

I am 5ft 3, 53 years old,weigh 11 stone. I follow a loose version of the 16:8 to maintain this, not eating til 12pm and eating 2 meals a day.

I don't mind putting up the weight as weather is fine over the summer and I exercise a lot with walks, jogging. It comes off over a month.

For the past few years, I have taken a second sun hol in Sep/Oct with 2 relatives one 40 years and one 70s, also half board.

I find it much harder to get the weight down after it due to winter and not able to exercise as much outside. I work fulltine and don't have loads of time for gyms.

The two relatives eat breakfast, then nothing til dinner at 8pm. I tried this and was very hungry by dinner. I suggested getting dinner early and one laughed like as if I am greedy. The correct thing for me would be to skip breakfast and eat a lunch. This would make the waiting for 8pm dinner more bearable.

I am considering not going this year, as it looks odd not eating the breakfast. If i do eat breakfast I can't fast til 8pm and eat lots of calories with 3 meals.

I don't eat out or go to pubs at home so the dinner and wine is very important to me.

Also when I go on hols with the relatives, one drinks very little. One will share wine with me and will drink more than her share. They go to pubs to get beer after but I don't love the wine in pubs so the wine with the meal is my only chance. I try ordering a different wine to them so as to get my small bottle to myself.

Who are these people to you? Your mother and sister?
You don't have to fall into the "child" mode when you are with them, you are an adult woman. The sky won't fall in if you don't have breakfast with them, or if you choose to have a solo lunch.
But you could be more flexible.. you don't have to follow 16:8 while on holiday. You could just be a bit careful ( although who wants to do that on holiday, part of the pleasure is trying different food)or you could just accept that you might put on a bit of weight - it won't be a lot over a week or less.
You could have breakfast as late as possible, and then something light for lunch, and then dinner . If it is a sun holiday and you are by the sea, have some fish for lunch.
You can be a bit more forceful about the timing of dinner if you really think it's going to make that much of a difference, but I wouldn't want to be eating dinner at 7 on holiday, it would be way too early. So I might compromise some of the time.
The thing is, you can make it work if you want to, and if you relatives want to. Maybe you should have a frank discussion with them, but if you can't be a bit more flexible, maybe you'd be better off not going. You can't really tell them that it's your way all the way or you're not going.

Are you kidding? That was true in the 80’s, most definitely not the case now. Wine is a huge seller in the majority of pubs.
https://www.thedrinksbusiness.com/2023/11/drinking-habits-shift-as-uk-changes-to-wine-from-beer/

My relatives do not comment but they eat small portions and little wine themselves.

Wine in pubs is rotten, I have tried. One relative is being 'good' im front of the other person, not ordering much wine but will drink what I order. It is done discreetly, pouring more whem I am at the buffet. Once she said she will keep the table while I choose my food. I said I will keep the table. They have drinks in pubs after. I really like the hotel wine and hate ordering a bottle and then only getting one or two glasses.

I started ordering my own small bottle which is 2.5 glasses. Relatives ordered one of these between 2.

I would put up with this if I wasn't getting a holiday otherwise as you can't get everything perfect.

I would get some help for your disordered eating. Weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise. Calorie counting is far easier and gives you much more freedom.

Go and eat what you want, when you want. You feel pressured because you're giving your travel mates too much power.

This 100%

I’m not going to use the word fat but 11st at 5ft3 is overweight, I’m the same height.

If I asked them to eat earlier, they would consider it but would make a big deal. We need to eat as user1471 is hungry and I would be the cause of it.

They told me dinner was served later in one place 7.30 on. Dinner was served at 6pm on. I like to go out walking after dinner and also take my time with dinner.

Right,

Do you want to go or not? If not don't go. If you feel obligated for family reasons or something, then refuse to share a room with them. What grown woman would share with two others and be cramped, to save money when you say that's not an issue? Explain please..... So, you have your own room and can skip breakfast and join them for dinner as you like to do.

You can even escape while they're having breakfast and go off on your own somewhere. That's what I would do if I wanted to be apart and away from the food intake monitoring going on.

I know what you mean about timings on the 16/8, I use that myself, but honestly - on holiday I forget about it and get back into the rhythm again when home. You won't gain that much, just watch your portions and keep drinking the vino.

I think because most people don’t go to pubs to drink wine. So the selection is often limited and sometimes the bottles are opened and left sitting.

Not sure when you last went in a pub but a huge amount of wine drinkers buying both by bottle or glass. Open bottles never hang around in a fridge long but they have air expelling tops so are good for a few days once opened anyway. Unless you're talking a local bowling club etc. a pub in a holiday resort will absolutely have a wide range of wines

FrogsWormsandCaterpillars

I know that hence why I am trying not to put up more. I was heavy as a child and teen.

A lot of other women my age are able to keep weight down. I just have to put in more work.

I have found that often pubs have a vast selection of wines. Where are you going to? If it’s an old man type pub, then yes, they tend to have a limited selection, but gastro pubs have loads.

This.
It sounds like this holiday doesn’t work for you. You don’t have to justify why - if your eating routine is important to you and it would make you miserable to not be able to stick to it, ignore the people telling you to unclench. What works for you, works for you, and clearly half board with these people doesn’t.

Just tell them eating when you don't want to is wasteful too.

OP are you really not going to go on a nice family holiday for maybe a week incase you put a little weight on?

That is so incredibly sad

My relatives would say the breakfast is paid for, so wasteful not to eat it

Also I can't order more wine as it will look greedy

Wtf? I don't understand this. Why does it matter what it "looks like? Why does it matter what they say about breakfast?

I'm genuinely struggling to understand why you wont do as you want..

I think it’s not a holiday if you have to either listen to relatives making passive-Aggressive comments or else go hungry all day.

Going hungry makes me sad.

I agree, but if you read the other posts from the OP Thetes very little that’s ‘nice’ about this holiday which involves sharing a room with unpleasant, critical relatives.

Sounds like you are making excuses not to go tbh. Either don’t go, or go and eat what and when you want? No biggie!

I'd be taking food and wine in my luggage to have what I want, when I want.

The whole thing sounds completely controlling and stifling.

It's seems daft to me not to go on a holiday you'd enjoy because you'll have to wait an extra 60 mins for dinner.

But this doesn't sound like a holiday you'd enoy, or one you actually want to go on - so don't. That's fair.

This

Whatever about the food situation there's no chance that I would share a room with relatives EVER at this stage of my life! Why are you agreeing to this OP when you say money is not a problem?

Seems to me you are being controlled an bullied by these people. Maybe you are passive and accept everything THEY want for some reason.

I wouldn't go within 100 miles of them if the thought of it was affecting me as much as it is affecting you. You have your reasons why that is the case, that's more than enough.

This 'holiday' sounds like hell, from more than side

Please PLEASE speak to someone about your eating, it sounds like it's taking over your life

I don't understand why you can't just skip breakfast, and get your own lunch. Why do you care what they say?

You seem excessively focused on this eating plan.
If your hesitancy is only about the food, then get a grip and just tell them you're not hungry in the morning and you're going to grab a non-inclusive quick lunch while you're out, later.

Alternatively if you just don't like being with these people (who sound irritating) just don't go. You don't need the food plan as an excuse.