To think that men get a ridiculously bad rap on this site?

[MsLuxLisbon]

It is really depressing to read post after post after post knocking men, saying how awful and useless they are, saying they are mostly lazy, selfish sex pests, etc. That has not only not been my experience, but it hasn't been ANY of my friends' or family's, either. The odd bad man, sure, just as my male friends have dated bad women. But not enough to justify this bizarre generalisation.

Men are such vile creatures.

Your attitude here is absolutely shocking.

As a PP says, nice victim blaming.

I genuinely can't work out if you're on the wind up here. Certainly every one of your posts on this delightful thread of yours seems deliberately inflammatory.

I agree with you OP but I wouldn't even bother challenging it because some posters on this site have the critical analysis skills of a 6 year old. They think 'my husband is abusive' is the same as 'men are abusive', or the statistics quoters who can't distinguish between 'most abusers are men' and 'most men are abusers'. And then they accuse men of hating women, without any sense of irony. They are probably reading this right now and thinking I just said that I don't believe posters who post about abuse.

Thankfully there are some amazing well balanced and funny people on MN which is why I enjoy it. One thing that's disappointing though is the lack of support I've seen for parents of boys or young men.

I think thst pretty much proves the OP's point.
Well done.

Yes unfortunately you are correct but I was referring to the double standards applied. SAHM on this site are *mostly supported and validated and told that their role has value, that the husbands money is family money, that Husband should pitch in as soon as he is home etc.. however in the opposite cases the husband is usually described as a useless cocklodger.

The irony that you would use one poster saying ‘Men are such vile creatures’ as proof of OPs point, on a thread which is basically saying ‘don’t judge all men by the bad ones’ is no doubt lost on you, isn’t it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Hardly an unreasonable conclusion, you seem to be blaming women for incels gravitating towards people like Andrew Tate.

Or blame men for women gravitating towards mumsnet.

Any idea why men are so violent towards each other? Are women responsible for that too?

But women are also violent towards each other. When we first married we lived in a flat on a road between a residential area and the centre with pubs & clubs. Late night entertainment was often watching the girls fight as they staggered home. Best bit was I recognised some of them.

Terrible isn’t it when women have the utter nerve to post about their real life experiences when it makes other men look bad. How dare they, why won’t they just put men and their image first and keep their mouths shut? ☹️

I bet you're on the man hating threads saying posters shouldn't come on say NAMALT?

It's ok for you to disagree if you're knocking a man but not if you're backing them?

Ok well my dad abused me from the age of 3 and he wasn’t the only nonce I ran into, just the worst. Could you give me some insight on where I went wrong at 3 years old to attract such attention? What did I do that lead that to happen? Please do share your wisdom.

Surely it's bad rep, not bad rap. It's literally short for reputation.

Of course they do.

Some men are obviously awful. But so are some women.

I think it is understandable that women are going to post on here complaining about their partners bad behaviour, fair enough.

But when that is generalised into "all men are awful" which seems to happen on a fairly regular basis then that of course isn't either reasonable or fair.

The double standards on here are also pretty appalling. ie man looks at woman's phone without permission, that is regarded as controlling and abusive. Woman looks at mans phone without permission appears to be regarded by many as perfectly legitimate behaviour.

If you go into any chat forum and make the declaration that most people are >insert generalisation as appropriate, in this case "man haters " <

... then you're not very bright

Except for UK Punting. Every single man posting on that is a nasty piece of work

Yep, it’s crazy and results in massive double standards as others have said. Of course there are plenty of toxic men out there, there’s also plenty of toxic women…arguably less, although part of that is down men being less likely to vocalise it. The problem often is many of us views based on small sections of society and MN is an even smaller subsection. You then get people far more likely to talk on MN about the bad things than the good things, it’s why true crime shows/podcasts are so popular…it’s more interesting and newsworthy than “everything’s amazing and I couldn’t be happier”. I’m absolutely not saying there aren’t awful men out because there are but on here there’s far too much generalisation and lumping together.
I’m probably lucky in that I’ve never experienced it, in fact the only toxic relationship is some friends who got divorced and the toxicity was all from her side, used him for his money, emotionally manipulated him and I’m 99.9% sure cheated on him with her now second husband.

The double standards on here are also pretty appalling. ie man looks at woman's phone without permission, that is regarded as controlling and abusive. Woman looks at mans phone without permission appears to be regarded by many as perfectly legitimate behaviour.

Its only double standards if its the same circumstances and posters thinking it’s ok for women to do and it and not men. Chances are with so many posters on mumsnet, it’ll be different posters posting so not actually double standards at all.

I apply the same standards for both men and women in similar situations as I’m sure most people do.

I acknowledge there are many, many shitty men out there and that women on the whole have been oppressed by men for decades.

However, I am also sometimes baffled by the double standards on here at times.

Eg. a woman wants sex and husband doesnt and its "you should leave, its affecting your self esteem/making you feel unloved and he wont do anything about it- LTB, you deserve intimacy" if a man said that he'd be ripped to shreds.

If a woman talks on the phone daily to her mum its lovely, but if a guy does it he's instantly a "mummy's boy" and an instant turn off.

If a husband has put on weight and is no longer attractive to his wife its "you should say something, its wrong he's letting himself go" but if a man said it, he'd again be ripped to shreds.

Obviously this is a predominantly female site so you do get that majority perspective but I've literally read polar opposite responses like the above within the same week on occasion and it makes me bemused.

But it's mostly men.

No matter how deep you put your head in the sand, it's still men doing most of the horrible stuff.

Look at prison estates, many times more men than women in prison (across the world, not just uk)
Even look at assault on males, it's mostly committed by men. Pedophilia, mostly men. Breaking and entering, men. Stealing cars, men. Rape, can only be done by men. Murder, mostly men, the odd woman is a murderer, but not nearly in the same numbers.

And all that said, this site is called MUMSnet, alluding to be for and about women. There is a Disney, so no one loses out.

Disney?????
DADSNET

I think sometimes what is general bad behaviour is mistaken for male behaviour, and posters as a whole are INCAPABLE of acknowledging women need to take control of their own lives - it’s always the fault of men, the welfare state, big corporations, the 1% failure rate of contraceptives, or their ex.

But I would say 70% of posts about men are very justified.

I think you’re picking responses that confirm your bias. There are almost always a range of views because women aren’t a hive mind. If there is a bias in womens favour in general on here though, so what? The whole rest of the internet has a bias towards men, as does real life, does it really even matter?

What really pisses me off is that something like 2 women a week are killed by their partners.Thousands hurt ( esp around football world cup WTF!) but as soon as aman is hurt by his partner its front page news!

I think it matters only when it encourages women to be complete victims and therefore make their lives worse.

For example unplanned pregnancy. Yes he should’ve used a condom but as women we have far more choice of contraception, they’re far more reliable, and essentially we are the ones who bare the repercussions. So why the fuck wouldn’t you have iron clad contraception in place rather than just moaning he didn’t use a condom? (Which presumably she also agreed to)

I’m not sure women are encouraged to be victims on here personally. There are individuals that I see post who clearly see themselves as victims in a situation where they’ve given over any autonomy over their lives, but I don’t think that’s what’s encouraged.

Re contraception, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a post about a woman who didn’t use protection, knowingly had unprotected sex, and then blamed him for her being pregnant, do you have an example? I have however seen plenty of men do exactly that, not use contraception and then moan they’ve been trapped.

This would only be true if you found posts by the exact same user saying the two opposing things in the context of a male or female OP.

I haven’t noticed this, ever. Among the hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of unique users, all shades of opinion on any topic must be possible.

Making mass generalisations like this is harmful to everyone.

I remember reading about the spike in DV after a major football game ... apparently even when His team has won