Sending your unwell wife downstairs

[Navymamma]

I’ve got a nasty, persistent cough. It’s annoying but I’m unwell. DH is getting audibly annoyed because my cough is keeping him awake. He suggested I put on some Vicks or try sleeping upright. I told him there was no point because I know from experience it doesn’t make a difference. He testily said fine then, do nothing. He’s been so passive aggressive about it, so I said, I’ll just go sleep on the sofa then. He pointed out that I wont be comfortable. I said, well of course I wont be comfortable but it’s obvious you’re annoyed about my cough. He said nothing. I’m now on the sofa uncomfortable while he sleeps upstairs.
AIBU to think a man shouldn’t have his unwell wife sleeping on the sofa so that he can sleep uninterrupted?

Well, TBF, he told you not to.

He didn’t tell me not to, he said “you’ll be uncomfortable” and fuck all else after that!

TBF my DH was very ill earlier this year and had a persistent loud cough. getting no sleep because of the cough was tough. It was very hard not to get cross when I’d be nodding off and then suddenly awoken by loud coughing in (what felt like) my ear.

Id have been REALLY pissed off if DH didn’t even bother trying to remedy it or just said “there’s no point”. I’d have found that really selfish, of course there’s a point and it doesn’t hurt to try

Did you want him to beg you to stay?

Honestly OP stop being daft, take some Vicks/cough medicine and get our bum back upstairs, you’re cutting your nose off to spite your face and that NEVER goes well when it’s done hand in hand with being really tired

I'd be irritated you weren't at least making a token effort to disturb me less if i were your DH.

It's like people who snore but refuse to try anything for it. It's not your "fault", but it's a bit antisocial not to try and limit the impact on other people.

Oh and you're both as bad as each other with the passive aggression.

I have gone downstairs loads of times off my own back when I had a cough to not disturb OH and slept on the sofa. Not sure if we have a super comfy sofa, but I was fine. I always sleep sitting up with a cough as it definitely lessens the amount of coughing and use Vicks. Hot honey drinks help too.

You both sound tired and cranky. Don't suggest you do something you actually don't want to do

There’s very little more annoying than being kept awake by someone coughing when you’re trying to sleep and them making no effort to stop it at all. The onus is on the cougher to move in my opinion (and I say this as someone who’s only on here because she’s awake with a persistent cough)

"Unwell wife" you have an annoying cough

Just because you are female does not give you any more points

He didn’t send you downstairs though (as your title say…), you offered! What did you want him to beg you to stay? You’re both knackered. Luckily, we have a spare room and always sleep separately if one is unwell.

I would have found your cough annoying too, especially as you made no effort to sit up or use Vicks.

you are both passive aggressive.

I think it’s better at least one of you gets a good sleep, so yeah, you on sofa sounds better. As PP said, the onus is on the disturber not the disturbee to move.

its only a cough, so no need to be quite so dramatic with the ‘unwell wife’ part, I thought you were going to say something serious

I move to the couch if i'm sick with my constant coughing. Not the first night, but if it's more than one i'll move. It's not fair keeping him awake. Though he will insist i stay in bed, so i sneak away when he's alseep and camp outside. No point us both being awake!

so I said, I’ll just go sleep on the sofa then

And you did go and sleep on the sofa

Seems a reasonable suggestion of yours which you followed through

Sorted

Without being dramatic and I’m not a medic, but a persistent cough should be checked out by a GP, especially if it has been present for several weeks.

Tell to buy earplugs if it’s such a big issue, you can’t help being sick.

I don’t pack yourself off voluntarily next time! If you’re going to be a martyr, embrace it wholeheartedly or not at all.

You took yourself to the sofa, don't act like he banished you.

And yeah if I had an annoying cough that I wasn't willing to make any attempt to do anything about, I'd go sleep elsewhere so my family didn't have to be sleep deprived too.

If you have a nasty persistent cough how much sleep are you likely to get?

id of moved to the sofa, what’s the point in you both being kept awake by your cough

You shouldn’t have mentioned moving to the sofa if you didn’t want to. Game playing isn’t going to work on someone who is already fed up with your cough!

I have cough variant asthma. If I'm sick and it's triggered I used to move to the couch or spare room. No point both of us being awake.

That said please go to the doctor and get it checked out ASAP.

So essentially, you want to have an annoying cough, make no attempt to mitigate its impact, and have your DH put up with it for the duration. It's almost as if you're resentful and want him to share your pain.

Coughs are annoying to others, even when they live you and want you to feel better. He didn’t send you downstairs. You chose to go after taking exception to him suggesting you try a couple of things to make you not cough as much. By him saying you won’t be comfortable on the sofa, I think that says he didn’t expect you to move.

You’re unwell and no doubt tired and fed up, but you have behaved unreasonably. I’d put the tv on and have a drink or go back to bed. Don’t be a martyr.

*love

What did you want him to do?

He made some suggestions - you rejected them

You made a suggestion - he said it was a bad idea. You went ahead and did it anyway and for some reason are still blaming him.

were you apologetic? Since he is getting crap sleep and it is your fault. I’d expect my Dh to be genuinely apologetic!

id have said you can go sleep on the sofa though so I would not be in your predicament 😁

I'm with your DH, you're keeping him awake. He's suggesting things that may make your cough better, you're ignoring him
You said you may as well sleep on the sofa, you did. He didn't make you. Your cough is keeping you awake, why keep him awake as well?
Hope you feel better soon.

Exactly. A persistent cough is disrupting his sleep for a while now, and it's on you to take yourself off to
Stop disturbing everyone else.