Sending your unwell wife downstairs

[Navymamma]

I’ve got a nasty, persistent cough. It’s annoying but I’m unwell. DH is getting audibly annoyed because my cough is keeping him awake. He suggested I put on some Vicks or try sleeping upright. I told him there was no point because I know from experience it doesn’t make a difference. He testily said fine then, do nothing. He’s been so passive aggressive about it, so I said, I’ll just go sleep on the sofa then. He pointed out that I wont be comfortable. I said, well of course I wont be comfortable but it’s obvious you’re annoyed about my cough. He said nothing. I’m now on the sofa uncomfortable while he sleeps upstairs.
AIBU to think a man shouldn’t have his unwell wife sleeping on the sofa so that he can sleep uninterrupted?

Have you tried swallowing cloves ? It numbs out your throat and stops the cough

If you're not going to sleep anyway and he is thrn personally I'd lrt him have the bed and I'd stick the tv on to distract me. And then in the morning I'd go back to bed when he's awake.

Your husband may be an arse, but if you're asthmatic, and have been ill for weeks but haven't had it properly looked at or taken time off to rest and recover (I assume you have a job that makes time off hard or impossible), then you're going to be stuck with an unsympathetic DH and you will be ill for a long time. Whatever he does or doesn't do, what are YOU going to do to get back on your feet? He may be passive aggressive, but seems like you are too, martyring yourself to this illness instead of taking control.

The bar is so low on here. No wonder women get treated like shit when this is the expectation.

If I am unwell with a persistent cough I wouldn’t even except to get my own Vicks or hot drink. I would except my husband to get it for me, make me a hot drink, keep the kids quiet, let me sleep and move to the sofa so I could get the best sleep possible to recover. And yes, I’d expect it because I am his WIFE (not because I’m a woman) and that’s how you treat someone you love when they are poorly.

And when he is unwell, I do all those things for him because he is my HUSBAND, not because he’s a man.

Exactly my thoughts, well said.
Compassion for a sick loved one should be standard, otherwise what’s the point!

Your posts have struck a nerve with me.
my now ex used to do this…. If he had a cough he would be in bed dying, would cough and splutter day and night, sit groaning etc and saying how sick he is….
but be suddenly we’ll enough for work the next day!
When I was ill, he’d moan or huff everytime I coughed …
so needless to say when I’m sick I ended up on sofa, and when he was sick I needed up on the sofa! Told him countless times how inconsiderate he is, never made a difference…
when me and DD had covid (probably caught off him as he had identical symptoms the previous week). We were banished to the upstairs, he brought up a drink and toast in the morning and ignored us the rest of the day… we ended up having to come down like a pair of lepers and make ourselves food and drink… he then flung open all the windows and doors to air the place and shut himself in the lounge 😂😂 massive bloody drama Queen!! I was glad when he buggared off to work and we could come and sit downstairs… sitting on a bed all day wasn’t comfortable and was boring as hell!

You are not being unreasonable. If he’s annoyed he can sleep on the sofa. Get an nhs appointment (it is possible) and ask for a chest X-ray/ scan.

My husbands been unwell with a cough. I’ve had two weeks of interrupted sleep and him pacing the room, I have snapped at him a couple of times because sleep deprivation is awful for both.
I don’t actually think he’s been unfair why should you but sleep crap. Only you’re ill.

You’re cutting your nose off to spite your own face here!
He didn’t tell you to go and sleep on the sofa, you said it in a sulk thinking he’d go ‘don’t be silly’ and now you’re annoyed he didn’t and rather than communicate and say ‘you’re being quite unkind, I get my cough is annoying but it’s annoying me more than it is you and what I need from you right now whilst I’m ill is a bit more patience, if you don’t have any left then please feel free to go and sleep downstairs on the sofa for a few nights until I’m better’ but instead you’re now ‘stuck’ on the sofa because you’re waiting for him to know he’s wrong but he hasn’t done anything!

I actually prefer to be downstairs if I have a persistent cough. At least one of us gets some sleep, and I can mooch about, get a hot drink, read, cough and phone scroll without feeling stressed about disturbing DH.

You are the one that offered so it’s your own fault really, he didn’t make you. If I was the unwell one I would have suggested to him to go downstairs if it was annoying him

DH has this cough at the moment. Luckily we have a spare room so I've gone in there.

If we didn't though, I'm 50:50 on who should end up on the sofa. If you're not going to sleep properly, no matter where you end up, at least you having the sofa means one of you is going to get a good sleep. There's no point in both of you being cranky and miserable through lack of sleep and illness.

On the other hand, the illest person clearly needs as much rest as possible to recuperate.

In any event, it's obvious you need to find a comfortable sleeping solution for whoever gets kicked out of the bed. I'd be tempted to buy an airbed. Useful for occasional visitors or for those that have to sleep downstairs occasionally! We've got a big double we use for extra visitors. I slept on it when I helped my DPs move house - if you're on your own on it, it's super comfortable and I had the best night's sleep I'd had in ages!

My Dh and I have always decamped to the sofa/spare room when we’ve had an annoying cough or been ill - if one of us is ill, it’s not exactly reasonable to infect the other or keep them awake night after night when they have work, is it?

Sorry you are sick but you are being a bit of a martyr! His response might not have been very helpful but he didn’t ask you to sleep downstairs. I sometimes take myself downstairs if I’m sick and likely to keep OH awake. Especially if I’m likely to be off sick from work the next day yet he has to struggle in on hardly any sleep.
I actually don’t mind sleeping downstairs, but we have a super comfy couch and it tends to be cooler down there, I hate to be too warm

I mean my husband is much bigger than me so if anyone’s sleeping on the sofa it’s me, especially if I’m the one keeping people awake. Did you expect him to go and sleep on the sofa? Or did you expect him to not get any sleep because your coughing all night?

If you’re the one keeping everyone awake, it’s normal that you find another place to sleep. I had a persistent cough and I went and slept on the sofa, no dramas, no trying to get someone to tell me to stay, in fact no conversation at all, I just went because I’m a normal, considerate person who isn’t so entitled that I think I can get to disturb everyone else’s sleep.

thats generally totally not true if the reason is you’re not well though? Miserably hacking with a thick head and stuffed sinuses- go sleep on the sofa! Tossing and turning and mildly hallucinating with a fever - go sleep on the sofa! Aching with the flu - go sleep on the sofa! That’s not actually what people do.