Sending your unwell wife downstairs

[Navymamma]

I’ve got a nasty, persistent cough. It’s annoying but I’m unwell. DH is getting audibly annoyed because my cough is keeping him awake. He suggested I put on some Vicks or try sleeping upright. I told him there was no point because I know from experience it doesn’t make a difference. He testily said fine then, do nothing. He’s been so passive aggressive about it, so I said, I’ll just go sleep on the sofa then. He pointed out that I wont be comfortable. I said, well of course I wont be comfortable but it’s obvious you’re annoyed about my cough. He said nothing. I’m now on the sofa uncomfortable while he sleeps upstairs.
AIBU to think a man shouldn’t have his unwell wife sleeping on the sofa so that he can sleep uninterrupted?

Why did you choose to martyr yourself like that?

What good came out of it?

Is it annoying when people aren’t sympathetic when you’re ill, yes. Is it annoying when people
are ill and impacting others but don’t listen to your suggestions for how they might make everyone have a better sleep, yes. Can I therefore see this from both sides, yes. That annoyance doesn’t mean you can rewrite what happened in your head though so your husband is the bad guy. You sent yourself downstairs and then accused him of sending you downstairs.

You are going to have a rubbish nights sleep no matter what, why ruin two people’s nights?

stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about your cough.

3 of the past 4 winters I have been plagued with a persistent night time cough , so I often take myself off to the sofa, not so much to give DH peace ( although Im aware his sleep is being disturbed ) more so that I can get some sleep myself as sleeping sat up helps

Just prop myself up with pillows so Im at a slight recline, and sleep really well

Yes OP, YABU

I had a horrific cough before Christmas. There was no point in both of us being disturbed so I’d take myself off to the sofa prompted up with cushions if after 30 mins of lying in bed meant I was still awake and coughing. Similarly at the moment I’m in intense pain meaning I’m tossing and turning all the time so have been sleeping in the spare room.

My boyfriend had the most annoying cough that went on and on and on last year, I made him to go the drs and off he went and if still lingered and it really was irritating but not his fault obviously I think I slept through it at night though but it was even annoying him by the time it settled down. I’d never have sent him to the couch and wouldn’t go.
go back to bloody bed 😳get some rest and feel better soon

Coughs are one of the few reasons my DH and I would sleep apart. Drives me to distraction if he’s coughing in the night, and when it’s my turn I’m so stressed trying not to cough.

We sleep better apart in these circumstances

I had a cough couple of weeks ago and did exactly that, slept on the couch for a couple of nights so my DH could get better sleep. I find being on couch better because one I can sit up more comfortably which helps with the cough and two if I can't sleep because of the cough I can pop the TV on for a bit to keep me company!

I mean if stopping coughs was so easy we'd all do it.

Or do you mean by just stopping breathing?

You offered and you're the one with the annoying cough. I don't see anything unreasonable here. A night on the sofa isn't going to hurt you.
Me and my husband have both slept on the sofa due to illness or snoring etc, doesn't matter as long as we get some sleep 🤷🏼‍♀️

I sleep downstairs if I have a cough so I don’t disturb DH and visa versa - however we try remedies first - cough medicine, more pillows, open window etc…. I would be really grumpy if I thought someone wasn’t even trying to sort it out!

I am with your DH here!

🤣🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

I'm on your husbands side, I was in the exact same situation reversed but my husband stayed in the room and so neither of us got sleep. Nothing he said was passive aggressive but everything you did was. Stop pretending to be a martyr and feeling forced to sleep on the sofa and put the bloody Vicks on

You decided to move to the sofa, he expressed he didn't think it was a good idea. He shouldn't have had to explicitly say "don't go to the sofa" for you to be able to glean that from his comment. You're being entirely unreasonable and dramatic tbh

You've won the award for most dramatic thread title of the day and its not even half nine yet 👏

Instead of saying ‘I guess I will sleep on the sofa then’ you should have said ‘If it bothers you you can sleep on the sofa downstairs!’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm sick today, OP. I have a stomach bug and spent the night visiting the toilet hourly (or more). I slept on the sofa, because I'm not an arsehole, so I didn't want my constant getting up to disturb my husband.

Was my sleep shit? Of course. Was I uncomfortable? Obviously. My feet went numb at one point.

But my sleep would have been just as shit if I'd stayed in bed, and then DHs would have been too. One of us being tired and grumpy is enough tbh.

YABU.

I had a horrendous cough for months and slept on the sofa for all of it. It was interrupting my sleep anyway. Why would I want my husband to have a bad night’s sleep too? At least one of us was ok with me downstairs!

It sounds like he wanted you to try to do something to help yourself-medicine, trying different sleeping positions, but you refused, then said you would sleep on the sofa-which he told you wouldn’t be comfortable!

This made me laugh. Yes, it was dramatic but it was very early in the morning and I was tired and fed up!

Don’t worry about it OP. Hope you’re feeling better today.

I’ve been unwell with a chest infection for a while so I feel awful. There’s definitely some martyrdom going on because I’ve had to work through it and am knackered and wanted nothing more than to sleep in my own bed. DH is not sympathetic when his sleep is disrupted and it tends to rub me up the wrong way when I’m unwell as I’m unfailingly sympathetic when he’s unwell. If he was unwell I would never have allowed him to sleep on the sofa on the basis that the sick person needs their rest and I would have taken myself downstairs instead.

Oh well, I was clearly being unreasonable!

Sounds like you're both very tired & fed-up.

Persistent coughing drives me nuts, sorry, I agree with your husband.

Next time, go downstairs, make a warm drink and take co-codamol: codeine is very effective at preventing coughing.

DH or I always go downstairs if unwell and disturbing the other.