Sending your unwell wife downstairs

[Navymamma]

I’ve got a nasty, persistent cough. It’s annoying but I’m unwell. DH is getting audibly annoyed because my cough is keeping him awake. He suggested I put on some Vicks or try sleeping upright. I told him there was no point because I know from experience it doesn’t make a difference. He testily said fine then, do nothing. He’s been so passive aggressive about it, so I said, I’ll just go sleep on the sofa then. He pointed out that I wont be comfortable. I said, well of course I wont be comfortable but it’s obvious you’re annoyed about my cough. He said nothing. I’m now on the sofa uncomfortable while he sleeps upstairs.
AIBU to think a man shouldn’t have his unwell wife sleeping on the sofa so that he can sleep uninterrupted?

Haha I though this too!

He didn't send you. You made the choice to go. If you don't like it, then choose to go back to bed.

Tbh that's exactly what I have done before, go downstairs when ill or hubby has done because why keep the other person awake and them feeling ill from lack of sleep the next day. It's called love and consideration a bit of give and take makes for a happy marriage

Keeping a bit more upright does help with a cough. Husband in bed with a cough atm, bad enough for antibiotics and he feels pretty rough.
Nevertheless he's propped up with pillows to make an attempt at helping it.

It’s massively irritating when someone with a cough steadfastly refuses to even try to do anything about it.

You offered to go downstairs, that’s on you.

And agree with PP; the fact you’re a ‘wife’ doesn’t mean anything here.

Whoever has the annoying cough should take it elsewhere if it is disturbing their partner. Why should both of you have disturbed sleep because one of you is ill?

Well even if it made no difference you should have tried what he suggested. It wouldn’t have hurt, and would show you were trying.

what does being the wife got to do with anything? women should get preferential treatment?

YABU because you offered. Bad communication that you expect him to read your mind and, presumably what, expect him to go to the sofa instead?

You have an annoying cough. He gave you suggestions of what to do to help. You refused. My husband took himself off to the sofa when he was ill so he didn't disturb me. Whats the point in everyone not sleeping?

When you throw the petted lip you get treated like a child. He didn’t make you sleep on the sofa, you took the huff that he wasn’t enjoying listening to your cough and expected him to beg you to stay in bed with him. It didn’t work out how you planned and now you need to sleep on the sofa because you’re a sulky sue.

This. Stop being the martyr op.

I move to the spare room so I can cough and splutter in peace, sit up if I need to and read in the middle of the night if I want to, when I’m ill.

It’s better than trying to avoid disturbing people, when you’re ill.

The causer of the disturbance moves in my opinion. If I've had a cough or just been generally unsettled at night I take myself away to allow DH to sleep undisturbed. He does the same for me.

Misses the point completely, but try vicks on the soles of your feet and put socks on. It really does work!

The sofa was your suggestion, he sent you nowhere.

Honestly, this sounds very childish. If you’re married, you’re too old to be playing silly games by saying stupid things to try and get your preferred reaction out of someone.

He didn’t ‘send’ you, though did he?
hopefully you both got some sleep and will feel better this morning.

AIBU to think a man shouldn’t have his unwell wife sleeping on the sofa so that he can sleep uninterrupted?

Why not?

I think moving to the sofa was the right thing to do. No point both of you being awake.

What was the alternative? Stay coughing in bed and have you both awake?

Your cough was keeping you up anyway and you weren't willing to try any remedies so it made sense you go to the settee, no point staying in bed if you couldnt sleep. At least there you could read or watch tv and hopefully drift off if the coughing eased.

If I was the cougher I'd definitely do that, and my husband would do the same if it was the other way round. No point both of you being kept up.

Being "the wife" makes no difference in the situation either.

My DP offers to sleep on the guest sofa when I am sick or dealing with period cramps (and accidentally wake him up).
I usually decline and go to sleep on the sofa, btw...

He wouldn´t want to disturb my sleep and I wouldn´t want to disturb his. Sleep deprivation is awful!!

You need a better sofa, OP.

He offered sensible solutions to be fair. And also told you you wouldn't be comfortable on the sofa which is him thinking about you. Seems like you're looking for a reason to be mad at him tbf.

A persistent cough is so annoying when that person won't try to help themselves. If I was unwell and annoying people I'd move to the couch.

My husband and I have just had back to back colds with annoying sleep disturbing coughs. On at least one night each, we chose to sleep on the sofa to help the other.
We’re adults.

You can’t call him passive aggressive then offer to sleep on the sofa in a huff then complain that you’re sleeping on the sofa and that he didn’t beg you to stay 😂
Honestly it’s annoying but it’s shit for you both to miss out on sleep when only one ‘needs’ to. My husband had this crappy cough earlier this month and he opted to sleep on the sofa as he could see he was waking me. I didn’t ask him to but was glad of the good nights sleep!

Guessing the OP isn't back as she's having a lovely cough free sleep?

Tbh you can't offer to do something and get upset when you then need to do it - don't make the offer in the first place!