Sending your unwell wife downstairs

[Navymamma]

I’ve got a nasty, persistent cough. It’s annoying but I’m unwell. DH is getting audibly annoyed because my cough is keeping him awake. He suggested I put on some Vicks or try sleeping upright. I told him there was no point because I know from experience it doesn’t make a difference. He testily said fine then, do nothing. He’s been so passive aggressive about it, so I said, I’ll just go sleep on the sofa then. He pointed out that I wont be comfortable. I said, well of course I wont be comfortable but it’s obvious you’re annoyed about my cough. He said nothing. I’m now on the sofa uncomfortable while he sleeps upstairs.
AIBU to think a man shouldn’t have his unwell wife sleeping on the sofa so that he can sleep uninterrupted?

@Navymamma

What are you doing to relieve symptoms?

In my house the sick person gets the bed and the one who needs more sleep goes downstairs. And we both make big sad eyes at each other as though we’ll never be together again.

Just saw your latest update Op. sorry you feel so rotten and tired. We all get a bit martyr-ish in such circumstances.

If you have not tried it, ask the pharmacists for a night-time Cough mix. If it’s a dry cough, you want a suppressant, otherwise an expectorant. Emphasis the lack of sleep.
Hope you feel better soon.

YABU.
I'd be tetchy and annoyed too if you were keeping me awake with your coughing and you refused to do something about it, or at least try something, because you claim it won't make any difference.
Have you been to the doctor or been to the pharmacist? If not, why not?

He didn't send you downstairs. You said "I’ll just go sleep on the sofa then" and he said that would be uncomfortable and then you went downstairs and tried to sleep on the sofa.

You're being selfish with your coughing. Get it sorted out by getting a suitable remedy.

We always sleep separately if we are ill. We unfortunately don’t have a spare bedroom. So we bought a very lovely reclining sofa, DH is very tall whereas Im small so I am the one that has the sofa, he just can’t quite fit on it. I did have an awful cough for six weeks just after Christmas and slept with it partially reclined which was perfect. So if either of us is ill I’m downstairs.

The title says 'sending'. He did no such thing, maybe you're imagining things due to your cold!

That’s rubbish OP. Years ago I had a chest infection that only got better after 3 lots of antibiotics. I’ve never felt worse.

It’s also rubbish that your husband isn’t sympathetic despite you being sympathetic when he’s ill, so I can see why you’re pissed.

Can you go to bed now?

One thing I've learned over the years is to never argue with your partner when you're both tired, it's pointless and both of you will just end up feeling pissy with one another.

Hope you've gotten some sleep OP.

You're being very dramatic. I'd be pissed off too if my DH didn't bother to at least try and do something about a bad cough keeping me awake all night.

Hope you've got some sleep and you're not usually this dramatic.

YABU. You offered to go downstairs. You didn't try to help your cough in any way so I'm not surprised he's pissed off!

Yeah sorry op, i’m also team YABU.

I had a bad cough for my entire third trimester of pregnancy due to the position of my baby, and voluntarily slept upright on the sofa for the entire time. No big deal.

I have taken two inhalers, ibuprofen and drank lots of water to help my cough. Those are the things that help. I just don’t think Vicks or sitting up helps much. I get so ill because I’m overworked and run down - and he often tells me I would get better quicker if I slept more!

Is your DH working today?
If yes, then he should have stayed in bed to sleep.
If you're as sick as you say, you shouldn't be working and should go back to bed now to sleep.

Have you seen a GP, do you not need antibiotics?

Is there any way that you can rest? When I had a dreadful chest infection, in the end I spent about 5 days in bed, sleeping 20 hours a day. That was on doctors orders, my third lot of antibiotics and the threat of being admitted to hospital.

You must look after yourself. 💐

Yes, he’s working today.
I am as sick as I say but sadly I am also working today about double the hours that DH is working!

Gosh, that sounds awful! I haven’t seen a GP. It’s impossible to see an NHS GP where I live so I use a private GP service and their go to is to prescribe antibiotics that make no difference. I’m ill around every 3 months atm and it’s always the same. I will see a GP this weekend though if I’m not any better.

Don’t leave it too long. I feel your pain about GPs, we also have to use a private one as it’s impossible to get an appointment with our NHS one. Maybe get some bloods done too, there could be something underlying.

Take care.

I’m afraid you’re coming off as the passive aggressive one, OP.

I have a rule in my house that if my DH refuses to take any action to help alleviate his various ailments, he doesn’t get any sympathy from me.

If he was keeping me awake coughing and refused to even try to do anything to make it better I’d want throw him out the window, frankly.

I hope you feel better soon. Having a persistent cough is awful.

I'm sorry you're so ill and hope you're feeling better soon, but...... you are completely playing the martyr here. You won't do anything to help yourself and continue to work despite needing rest.
I'd be frustrated with you too.
If this is a regular occurrence, even more reason to see a doctor. You should not be getting this sick every 3 months.

I’m sorry OP, but being that unwell for months and not seeing your GP is ridiculous and if my husband were behaving like this I’d be really irritated.

You could have asthma (in which case ibuprofen could be exacerbating the issue), bronchitis, pneumonia, all sorts.

Also you clearly need rest - so take some time off ill and get better.

Codeine can help suppress a cough so that might allow you some rest (OTC co-codamol if you aren’t contraindicated).

Hang on - inhalers? Are you asthmatic?

You need to see a GP and say it's a persistent cough that's been going on for months on and off.
You should also go to a pharmacy and get some kind of cough medicine which will ease it for a while.
But you need to get to the bottom of what it is.
If the private GP is only ever recommending antibiotics and that isn't working you should book an NHS appointment, even if it means waiting for one, or find another private GP.

In our house it's generally the coughing person that goes to the sofa leaving the other to get a decent sleep. It works well for us.

I smell burning martyr. And, yes, generally the unwell one should decamp to the spare bed/sofa, because they'll be having a disturbed night anyway. No point in both of you having a poor night's sleep. Either of us always willingly volunteers to move if snotty & coughing - less guilt.

If you're the one who is ill, you're the one who needs comfort and rest to get well again.