Husband furious, think that this is the end

[strugglingflower]

I am posting on AIBU for traffic

Its a long story so please bare with me.

My son not my husband's son, has had issues for about 18 months, he become depressed and lost his job, his girlfriend and a very close family member, he stole money out of our bedroom my son started to smoke weed never in the house, my son become verbally aggressive towards me, my husband and him would argue and there was squaring up to each other, I could see that my son was unwell but I could not get him any help as my son did not engage with medical professionals' I contacted the local crisis team as I could see my son was in a bad place I was told that I would get a call in 2 weeks, still waiting for that phone call.

My son then had an episode of Psychosis, I managed to get him into hospital and then in house treatment at the Priory for a month, and then at home care, when he came home my husband wanted nothing to do with my son and is old school that my son should just suck it up and man up.

My son has now lost 2 jobs through calling in sick as he is vomiting and has no motivation, my son is still depressed.

My husband has gone mad tonight, as I have not told him that he lost his job on Tuesday I wanted to wait until Friday night so that I could sit my husband down. Tonight my husband has locked our bedroom door and will not let me come into the room and is not speaking to me, he has asked in the past to choose between him and my son. I will always choose my son. I think that this is the end of my marriage.

What the hell do I do.

This. It's not MH impo your son is using MH issues as a smoke screen to behave appallingly and it sounds like you're just feeding into it and allowing it.

that people were stealing his DNA, and there were snippers outside our house

FGS. Protect yourself OP and think carefully about any decisions before you make them

@Peppermintytea 100000% agree. My 23yr old DN has MH issues after losing his DM 2 years ago. He's gone wayyyy off the rails and we've all tried absolutely everything (genuinely, everything) but until he is willing to let us help him and make steps himself, then we can’t do anymore. He's burnt every bridge he had, destroyed every friendship and there was zero any of us could do to stop him because he's an adult. We can’t stop him doing drugs, we can’t stop him getting drunk and flying into psychotic rages where he destroys his friends' parents' homes (yes, really). We can’t stop him from doing any of it. We just have to be there and keep trying to get him to engage with whatever 'services' are left and keep trying to find ways to discourage him from using what triggers him - drugs & alcohol. It's excruciatingly hard work but it can usually be done….Most of the time, UNLESS he loses interest and cuts us off before going on a bender and losing everything again. He is very hard to reach and tucks himself away.

One thing is for certain though, there's no end in sight for a very long time. Not until he decides he wants change.

@strugglingflower I’ve read all of your posts and enough responses to get the general idea of this thread. My question to you is what are you trying figure out here.

-Your DH is fed up… fair enough I’m not sure I could live with your son either.

-He’s either given you an ultimatum or you expect him to shortly based on the past one
-You are upset with how he’s (DH) is treating you… again fair enough I wouldn’t be happy with this either
-You have stated you will choose your son if an ultimatum is put down. Totally understandable and your choice

So if I’ve got all that right. What the hell are you looking for here? Sounds like you know the course of action to take here. Take it.

I think you need to stop letting all of these events drive things and start to take action in your own right. You aren’t going to magically make your son well. You can’t change your DH’s feelings.

My advice though as other’s have said is to be very guarded and careful about how much you let your son’s MH issues change the course of your life. You deserve to have an existence of your own making and wants and needs.

What I also don’t know is if there are other children in this situation. If there are their needs also must be included.

He wants to change and has, he still has depression.

He has not done drugs or drinks now, he is working with services.

Op, I have experience of a very similar situation to you with a family member, and I absolutely feel your pain. Many people on this thread have no clue. The only thing that saved my family member was a really good psychoanalytic counsellor. If you can afford this please try and find one privately that he can talk to once a week. I pray your son doesn’t relapse and I’m thinking of you. Good luck x

Thank you for your kind words, the EIS has been woeful, I have had to keep on top of them to provide support as they are not providing counselling (should have happened at week 4,10 months later we are still waiting but this is not a NHS bashing post. Many posters of this thread are clueless and people wonder why there is a stigma surrounding mental health.

I will look at your suggestion and go private.

I hope that your family member is thriving.

Just to update you all.

My son is currently in A&E with a burst appendix, that will explain the sickness, and temp that he has had. He also has had a blood test that showed that he was clear of any drugs or drink.

He is being operated on later, or first thing tomorrow morning.

I’m sorry to hear that op. Your poor ds, I imagine he has been in a good deal of pain. I hope the surgery runs smoothly.

Sorry to hear that, op, wishing him a speedy recovery and take care of yourself 💐

Sorry to hear that OP.

He is lucky to have you

@strugglingflower So sorry. He must have been feeling so poorly. Wishing him a speedy recovery from the op x

Hope he recovers well, OP.

Do you know what else is abhorrent? Too trumps.

Oh, no, @strugglingflower, poor bloke! Glad he's in the safest place. Wishing him a smooth recovery

Wishing him a speedy recovery! What a shock for you @strugglingflower .
As a side note this will help his appeal - poor lad genuinely sick and dismissed unfairly!
Sending you support x

I wonder if your 'D'H will now apologise for his latest attack on your son and you.

Oh OP, hope the op went smoothly. How frightening.