Husband furious, think that this is the end

[strugglingflower]

I am posting on AIBU for traffic

Its a long story so please bare with me.

My son not my husband's son, has had issues for about 18 months, he become depressed and lost his job, his girlfriend and a very close family member, he stole money out of our bedroom my son started to smoke weed never in the house, my son become verbally aggressive towards me, my husband and him would argue and there was squaring up to each other, I could see that my son was unwell but I could not get him any help as my son did not engage with medical professionals' I contacted the local crisis team as I could see my son was in a bad place I was told that I would get a call in 2 weeks, still waiting for that phone call.

My son then had an episode of Psychosis, I managed to get him into hospital and then in house treatment at the Priory for a month, and then at home care, when he came home my husband wanted nothing to do with my son and is old school that my son should just suck it up and man up.

My son has now lost 2 jobs through calling in sick as he is vomiting and has no motivation, my son is still depressed.

My husband has gone mad tonight, as I have not told him that he lost his job on Tuesday I wanted to wait until Friday night so that I could sit my husband down. Tonight my husband has locked our bedroom door and will not let me come into the room and is not speaking to me, he has asked in the past to choose between him and my son. I will always choose my son. I think that this is the end of my marriage.

What the hell do I do.

@strugglingflower

And I would suggest that it is not up to you to police the thread.

😂

Your comments are making me laugh more and more, the irony of them is astonishing.

But you can. By reporting comment that are hurtie to you.

I would like to thank all the posters that have messaged me privately, offering help and telling me about their on issues with themselves and their family members. I will message you all back.

To the posters that have derailed the thread or have shown so little understanding of mental health, I hope that you are never in my situation its eye opening how much prejudice and stigma there is surrounding mental health.

I will not be responding to certain posters as I just think they are out to be obtuse and will not help anyone that comes onto to read this thread.

@strugglingflower has been grace under fire.

You on the other hand have shown us all why there is still so much stigma around mental health.

If the cap fits.

I hope you've been able to find something helpful from posting, OP, and it's good that other mumsnetters have contacted you directly to try to help. I hope their experiences bring you some insight and consolation. The open thread is supportive to a point, but is otherwise an absolute case study as to how much ignorance and stigma still abounds when it comes to mental health issues. It's sobering to read.

As to the two posters who've persisted in derailing this thread with their rude, egotistical, hostile and confrontational behaviour, they should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves but I doubt whether they're that well endowed with insight.

A low point, even by AIBU's general standards.

Thank you.

The posters you are alluding to are not worth thinking about, they get a kick out of being frankly nasty, they must have so little in their lives that they have to come on MN be horrible to people and it gives them validation to their life and views, its mind blowing.

@strugglingflower have things calmed down with your husband?

The equivalent of ‘I know you are but what am I’ 😂

But honestly - I do hope you’re ok behind that phone.

We have spoken, although things are still very strained.

My son is going to appeal his work decision to dismiss him under the disability act, as he was vomiting due to his disability (the employer is a large UK company).

When was he dismissed? @strugglingflower I can’t quite recall employment law rules but I think if it’s within the last 3 months I think he can seek ACAS advice too. If nothing else the workplace might say not they don’t want him back but negotiate a small settlement through ACAS, which he can use towards building his new life.

He was dismissed on Tuesday, we have 7 days to appeal, funnily enough the only way to appeal is to go on via an app and they have blocked his access to the app.

We have already called ACAS and they have said that we have a very strong case and the employers policy has not been followed.

That’s good you’re in touch with ACAS , I assume they have advised on making the appeal while blocked? @strugglingflower

personally I’d suggest sending them an email or written letter detailing the complaint. Once you’ve done that it’s easier to move onto the next stage with ACAS because you’ve clearly demonstrated you’ve used the appeals route - or made your own route…
My former employer deliberately wouldn’t tell me their appeals policy so I just sent them an email and copied the senior HR and managers in before I escalated it to ACAS claims

@Treelichen

I'm not sure you know what psychosis is OP. It doesn't cause theft and abuse.

What a bizarre and completely incorrect statement to so confidently assert.

Psychosis can absolutely cause abusive behaviour including murder, have you never heard of someone suffering with psychosis murdering someone?

Post partum psychosis, for example, has caused some desperately heartbreaking situations in which children have been killed.

I thought everyone would be aware of that.

You realise that alcoholics ARE drug addicts, did you not? Or did you not know that alcohol is a DRUG?

Do you genuinely believe that because alcohol is more socially acceptable that is 'less' of a DRUG?

Good luck with the appeal. It must come from your son though - there's no point in you trying to race around and 'fix' this for him if he's not engaged. I thought that probation meant people can be dismissed 'at any time for any reason' kinda thing but obviously hope I'm wrong in the case of disability as having a steady job sounds like exactly what your son needs. It might be worth him going to a GP asap (maybe private GP since it's the weekend) and getting a note to say he was sick and why, as evidence. Hopefully your son disclosed his mental health condition when he applied for the job so he can prove they knew about it and failed to support him.

Thank you for your message, yes he is the one that is going through the appeal process and I am not fixing anything.

He of course told them he had a disability when he applied. He also contacted Mind and they are going to support his appeal.

Does your DH have kids as he doesn’t seem to have empathy at the moment and you are fighting two battles her, one for you son and in a way, one to save your marriage x

Great - I'm having a great laugh at your comments, too - hysterical!

By the way, I'm so flattered you looked up my details...it's such a compliment.

What are you on about, you are just making stuff up again at this point.

I think you may have confused posters here.