To feel this was inappropriate of childminder?

[Porpoising]

My 1 year old goes to a childminder 3 days a week Wednesday - Friday.

Wednesdays I have a meeting so pick her up 530. Thursdays I stay a bit later to plan and get organised, so similar pick up time. Fridays I pick her up a bit earlier at around 4.

Childminder has told me that it’s upsetting for my daughter to be the ‘last one’ and she feels she would benefit from me trying to get her a bit earlier. I’m really upset by it. AIBU?

this childminder is being honest with you about what is in your daughter’s best interests
I like the sound of her

Yanbu. And I say that as a former childminder. Somebody has to be last and none of the kids I had minded. They enjoyed having me to themselves! If she wants to finish earlier she needs to change her hours.

you are upset because she has verbalised what you have suspected yourself

Childminder was honest with you that your child gets upset, how can that be inappropriate? Most parents would want to know.

This kid does mind though?

what a bizarre post

you never mentioned because it was never an issue!

Someone has to be last out. Sounds like chikdmi der wants an earlier finish, What time is she booked until?

Tricky one. On the one hand couldn’t the CM make the one on one time really special? (“Ooh it’s just us, that means we can read that book you really love/make Mummy a special piece of art for when she picks you up/etc”) On the other hand she’s being honest with you about your daughter’s wishes. And maybe a PP is right that you’re feeling bad about it anyway? (Try not to - it’s no your fault.)

At that age they can get upset and wonder where their Mummy/Daddy are when they see other dc leave. It's understandable. Childminder should use some strategies and reassurance and I'd still be glad she told you. I had one year where I was consistently one of the last parents and the following year I changed it so I was almost always one of the first parents, I could just see it was hard on my kids and I was able to shift things at work. Not everyone can but if you can by 5:30 she's probably really really tired and ready to see you. Any chance even if you can't Wednesdays that maybe you could Thursdays get there by 5?

The CM has it within her power to help the child to not feel upset. "Special time" with the CM etc.

CM is being ridiculous and playing on your mum guilt to make you collect child earlier, even though you're probably paying for the full afternoon.

Someone has to be last. It so happens at the moment that it's your DC. Could be someone else's in a few months if she takes on a new child.

And the op is working?!

I smell a rat because I knew a few childminders who got the hump if they thought parents could come earlier and they weren't. I always saw it as the parents have paid me for a full day and it's none of my business what they do within that day.

If a child is finding something upsetting we can work together to find a solution. I would not be jumping to picking her up early though.

You’re working. It’s a long day for a 1 year old, but what can you do? It is what it is. It’s only 3 days a week. Honestly, I remember that feeling with my 1 year old at daycare 3 days a week. She’s just turned 19! She’ll be fine.

Does the CM think it's upsetting for your child, or is the child upset?

you entrust this woman to care for the most precious person in your life for 3 days

You either trust her view or your don’t

and if the latter - look elsewhere

What a bizarre post. Where did I say anything about mentioning stuff? My point is that in all my years childminding I never had a child so distraught at 'being last' that I had to ask the parents to finish their work early and pick them up.

Sounds to me like the childminder wants an earlier finish. Totally pointless telling you as you can't change it and a bit mean.
Even if dd does get upset the childminder should be keep her engage with activities to distract her

but as a parent, i would want to know

and then make my own opinion

the CM is notr demanding anything
she is informing the op

It was only inappropriate for your childminder to say it if it’s not true and you think she had said it to try to have a shorter day herself.

If it is true that your daughter gets upset at the end of the day, surely you would want to know about it? It would be wrong for you not to be told.

YANBU. You have to work, your child is only there two evenings at the later time. They might be a bit sad but they will survive. Childminder needs to try harder their end to appease your child. They've told you, fair enough, but just tell the CM it's not possible.

I think she was just being honest with you about how your child reacts to being last to be picked up sometimes . Surely you would rather she keeps you informed?

You only have the CM word that your child is upset, or have you seen evidence yourself?
If you have not seen your child upset, I would ignore the CM.

the woman who cares for this child for almost 50% of the child’s life… you would ignore? ok

Realistically I can’t get to her any earlier on the Wednesday. I could get to her a bit earlier on the Thursday but it would really impact on my whole week. She also doesn’t like her coming school holidays.

She doesn’t seem upset but she is glad to see me. It’s a long day I know that but it’s just what has to happen.

It's up to the childminder to make sure your daughter is happy and doesn't mind being last. Some special games, more focused attention - it should be a positive.

I'd be pissed off and suspect she's trying to guilt you into an earlier pick-up. My son went to nursery but he was often one of the last to be picked up, and loved the time with all the toys and adult attention.