To feel this was inappropriate of childminder?

[Porpoising]

My 1 year old goes to a childminder 3 days a week Wednesday - Friday.

Wednesdays I have a meeting so pick her up 530. Thursdays I stay a bit later to plan and get organised, so similar pick up time. Fridays I pick her up a bit earlier at around 4.

Childminder has told me that it’s upsetting for my daughter to be the ‘last one’ and she feels she would benefit from me trying to get her a bit earlier. I’m really upset by it. AIBU?

Returning to work (by choice, we would've been fine financially with one of us staying home) and putting my first in nursery saved my mental health. The baby bits aren't the best times for me, you see, I much prefer when they can talk.

I also left my eldest in nursery FT while I was on maternity leave with my second, because she loved it, and to keep her settled there, and to have one on one time with our second (and it turned out to be lockdown so there was nothing else to do!).

We're all so different, and isn't it wonderful that we have the choice to do what suits us and our families unlike so many generations of women before us.

When I was growing up my mother was a CM - if any parent ever let it slip they needed childcare on a day they actually weren’t working she would refuse or cancel !!! Then bitch about them and how awful it was that they wanted time off from their dc I remember being 11/12 and just thinking ‘but why does it matter ??!!’

I wouldn’t be impressed with a CM who didn’t have strategies to support your child in this situation.

I imagine that the CM’s income drops considerably if it’s only one child for that last hour. So CM doesn’t want a low hourly rate for part of the day that they find difficult.

If the CM wanted to talk to you so you could work together to find ways of helping your dc on the long days, that would be fine. But suggesting you finish earlier is rubbish.

Get a new CM.

Thank her for letting you know and tell her that as you have to work that won't be possible so maybe you can come up with some strategies together to make this time less suspecting for your DC.

I think as others have said the childminder could have reframed the situation to your dc

Mine used to be the first at nursery at 7.30am and often the last to be picked up at 6pm. I had to work, DH had to work. The DC now don't remember and we are in a better financial position because of those long days at work we had to do.

Of course others will be saying you should change your hours, shorten the days, maybe give up work, not worry about having no money now or a good few years later 🙄

The DC will be fine.

If just remind her what hours you have booked for. If she didn't want your DC school holidays she should have said when you booked her.

@VeterinaryCareAssistant

Amazingly some people chose to live their lives differently to you.

She's crackers and wants an early finish.

get another childminder

theres got to be someone last and if your daughters upset she needs to manage that by having a special backseat that comes out with books or toys that aren't on general display for whoever's last.

as a childcare provider she is contracted to provide a service for the hours agreed and she should be doing her best to make sure it's positive for your daughter.

Unless you have a particularly advanced one year old or she’s almost two, she won’t realise she’s last! YANBU, OP.

Good for the childminder. She sees how your daughter is and knows how she reacts so listen to her.

I remember being scared that my parents weren’t coming back for me and to be last to be collected was really upsetting and scary. I’ve always made sure I’ve been early to collect my three from nursery, school etc so they’ve never had that feeling. Maybe you need to work on your relationship with your child and how secure they feel.

So no one can be last by your theory?

Good for the childminder. She sees how your daughter is and knows how she reacts so listen to her.

What a load of bullshit.

The pathetic excuse about the child being upset because they're the 'last one' is just ridiculous. the OP's child has no idea she's last, she's 1. The childminder on the other hand sounds like a lazy bugger who wants to clock off early.

And you need to work on realising your feelings as a child being scared are yours and your parents issues.

This child is one, how do you think she's articulating her upset?

The OP is not always last and the CM is a lazy fucker!

She sounds like she's lazy - wants to pressure you into picking up your DD early and not using childcare you've paid for in the holidays.

If you want to be judgemental about parents using childcare, it's probably not the best idea to work in childcare

I would try and find a different childminder

This I think she is making you feel guilty unnecessarily..you have to work.shes paid to mind your child..she doesn't have to even mention it to you or child just get on an manage the situation well.

What about the kid who arrived first! Does this CM tell parents could your child arrive later with the others because they are so sad to be alone and waiting for their friends to arrive. Imagine if she said that lol. Change your childminder and then she won’t have your child as the last and won’t have your cash.

I also kept my oldest in nursery when I was on maternity leave, it was pretty hellish for the portion of the day they were both home tbh! 🥴

She doesn't like her to go in the school holidays!🙄 Surely all children do unless their parents are teachers.

Please spare everyone from this BS.

The thing is though some jobs are flexible and you can finish a little earlier. Your job obviously isn't like that but maybe she just didn't know that.

If my child was unhappy I'd like to know anything and everything.

When I was a bit older than your child I went to a play group regularly and was ALWAYS last to be collected and it really affected me. It was literally always me.

You remember that from being 1 year old, do you? Wow. A medical marvel.

She is only one. I suspect it is the childminder who is the one who is bothered by OP coming back late from work.

I suspect it is the childminder who is annoyed not your daughter.

Priorities which including feeding and clothing that child.

No way is a one year old upset at being “last”. I wonder what jobs some of these posters have where they can just cut back their hours as and when they please…