To feel this was inappropriate of childminder?

[Porpoising]

My 1 year old goes to a childminder 3 days a week Wednesday - Friday.

Wednesdays I have a meeting so pick her up 530. Thursdays I stay a bit later to plan and get organised, so similar pick up time. Fridays I pick her up a bit earlier at around 4.

Childminder has told me that it’s upsetting for my daughter to be the ‘last one’ and she feels she would benefit from me trying to get her a bit earlier. I’m really upset by it. AIBU?

Why does it matter, she's 1, she won't have a clue!

I see! My bad.

But surely you'd only leave A BABY in childcare if you needed to work. I understand the childminder gets paid regardless but this is a literal infant. You'd be missing out on some of the best times.

I used a childminder when mine were little whilst I was at college, but not for meeting up with friends or going to salons. When they were preschool age it was a bit different but not for the baby and toddler stages.

She hasn’t shared this although it can’t be long. She isn’t always the last by any means and when she has been I’ve bumped into other parents on the way out.

I suspect it’s more likely to be because she gets very tired and grizzly by the end of the day so perhaps she wants her collected early. But I really can’t alter my working hours to accommodate this.

Yeah, there is no way a 1yr old, if happy enough for the rest of the day, is suddenly thinking ‘WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME, MOTHER?!’, when they’re the last standing.

The CM wants to cop off early, which is not OP’s problem.

Well no you wouldn't, why would you? If you've paid for the days why not utalise them to get some bits done which are easier without a baby in tow and then pick them up after a few hours.

That's pretty normal behaviour.

A 1yr old is a toddler, not a baby. When a working parent also has to contend with running a home, I don’t think you get to decide what ‘the best times’ are – or ever, in fact.

really? has she said this or alluded to it?

OP you don’t seem to like this CM

@VeterinaryCareAssistant i think it’s a bit silly to get into a vis a vis about this. We obviously see it differently. My feeling is very much that an in then out system offers no continuity and is disruptive which is more important when the subject is as you say a literal infant as holidays can’t be explained as you might to an older child. But we clearly disagree on this. What I will say is there is no amount of virtue attached to reasons for using childcare. If it is distressing for a child it will be distressing whether you are at work, saving a life or having your nails done. That’s why the right childcare is so important and clearly this is not.

If your DC seems happy when you arrive to collect, I'd find it surprising that the CM thought it was such a big issue that she had to tell you without first putting some coping strategies in place e.g. some sort of fun/distraction play.

Where does OP say suspected this?

"She hasn’t shared this although it can’t be long. She isn’t always the last by any means and when she has been I’ve bumped into other parents on the way out.

I suspect it’s more likely to be because she gets very tired and grizzly by the end of the day so perhaps she wants her collected early. But I really can’t alter my working hours to accommodate this."

This says it all, OP.

Dont disrupt your working week for the sake of a few minutes.

You're working part time to spent time with your kid, you're doing great.

And don't let anybody shame you for using childcare so you can clean the house and get a haircut.

You're doing fine.

I think it was a bit of a stupid comment from the childminder because you are literally paying her to look after your child while you work, you have a job. You can't get there any earlier. Someone has to be last.

Does sound to me that she wants an earlier finish.

But why though? If op is paying for a service then why does it matter?

Although my SIL used to be the same (she worked in a nursery) if she knew the parents were either at home with or going out with their school age children at half term and putting the younger one in nursery. But I suggested if she didn't want them there when they were paying the nursery would have to give them an incentive not to bring them.

She sounds lazy and greedy. Happy to charge you full whack but doesn't want to work the hours you've paid for.

As you say, someone will always be last, what will she do, guilt trip that parent next so that they pick up earlier, then on and on until she can finish work at lunch time?

Don't feel bad. You've got to work. You have hired a childminder. Guilt is pointless. Almost all little children are tired and grizzly by the end of the day even at home. Mine certainly were, the time from 5pm to bedtime is not called the witching hours for nothing. It's too early for bed and you have to push on through jollying them along the best you can, which is what the childminder should be doing even though it sounds like she can't be arsed.

Yes, quite. If she wants to limit the service she also needs to offer to reduce what she charges accordingly.

She's not always the last

🥇

So much a better mother, than anyone else 🤔

OP is already part time. Not really sure what special literal-infant times she's missing Weds to Fri that she isn't from Sat to Tues.

What do your DD’s emotions have to do with this?

Oh come one we know as mothers that the best bits are always Weds-Fri, especially silly if you have a BABY!

@VeterinaryCareAssistant I, also a part time teacher, kept mine in nursery in holidays. It allowed me to plan, mark, do useful stuff at home, for myself and also to rest. I also keep my youngest in nursery while I plan and mark after school.

I already work in the evenings after they're in bed more evenings than not. If I didn't do those things then I would never have time to exercise, see DP or do anything for myself.

This attitude is exactly the reason that the childminder is being unreasonable.

Sounds to me like your CM is in the wrong job, if she wants you to pick up your DC earlier, and doesn't want them there during school holidays. I think I'd be looking for someone else to care for my LO.

Maybe she doesn't want to have time when she's just being paid to look after a single child. It's a low hourly rate if you just have one child and she'd probably rather spend the time with her family.

I would try to rise above it and approach it like you would a business situation. She asked/suggested, you can't accommodate so you say no. And put it back on her - what could she change to make that last chunk of time work better for your daughter? Does she need a bit of TV, a longer nap earlier in the day, a favourite toy that comes out at witching hour?

It's really unlikely that a one year old is having a high level thought process around how the other children get to go home but she doesn't.

Did your one year old tell her that?I doubt she even notices!

She's a piss taker. Sounds like she thought she was on to a good thing taking on a teacher's baby but it hasn't panned out the way she wanted.

If she'd said "oh she was ok until the others were leaving and she was staying", then that's giving you the information without pulling a guilt trip. You're paying for childcare til 6 (or whenever) so she should be providing it without complaint. A single unsettled 1yo shouldn't be a big ask for a childminder.

You're just right about the holidays btw, if you're paying for the childcare, use it. Keep the baby settled and have some time for yourself so you're recharged for September.