To feel this was inappropriate of childminder?

[Porpoising]

My 1 year old goes to a childminder 3 days a week Wednesday - Friday.

Wednesdays I have a meeting so pick her up 530. Thursdays I stay a bit later to plan and get organised, so similar pick up time. Fridays I pick her up a bit earlier at around 4.

Childminder has told me that it’s upsetting for my daughter to be the ‘last one’ and she feels she would benefit from me trying to get her a bit earlier. I’m really upset by it. AIBU?

YANBU. Unfortunately some childcare professionals (a very small minority fortunately) appear to judge parents for having to use childcare and get snippy about parents who are seen as taking any time for themselves (even if parents are paying them to care for the child during that time). It's really none of their business what the parents are doing during that time unless the child is so ill/upset that they need to send them home. If this isn't the case, they should really be working out the best way to comfort or distract the child.

just what a working mother needs….more guilt!

cheers for that childminder 🙄

I kept having nursery call me (on the one day DS2 is in until 6) to say he was ill and after a few times of leaving work before the day of the school day or as soon as my class left and taking him home worried he was ill and him being fine, I’ve now stopped jumping as soon as they call and funnily enough they’ve stopped!

I’d obviously feel really guilty if he was ill but even my head agreed with me that it seemed to be most Mondays and it was a joke about whether they’d called!
spoke to another teacher parent, who’s friends with my son but at a different school, and she said it had been happening to her too and her son also came home fine!

It had seemed to me that they maybe needed a child less for ratio for a member of staff to be freed up or leaving early (one had just come back from maternity leave and had a baby in the other room which may have had nothing to do with it) and they thought teachers’ kids would be the easy option!

There is always going to be a last one and for 2 days it's your dc, Fridays it's others. It's long days for them I know, but so many of us have had to unfortunately do it. Drop off at nursery at 7.30am and pick up near 6pm. Maybe it's harder because there is a small group with a childminder, whereas in nurseries there are still a lot of kids there at 5.30pm?

They have no memory of this and we don't like it as parents, not easy 😒

Yes, and maybe suggest to the childminde you are considering to use a nursery as they don't question the times you have to work? Xx

Your 1yr is upset by being the last one ?

Sounds weird to me surely being last is good as 121 with cm

Ans talking what 30mins ?

Maybe stop the am nap and sounds it if impacting on afternoon nap so can go to sleep earlier and get 1230/3 - school runs depending

Rather then 1 and being woken up at say 230

Also sounds like cm wants to finish earlier and is guilting you to pick up earlier

Does she get tea at cm

Hungry and tired isn't a combination

Sounds like a load of BS as she wants rid of your kid sooner. I would look for another person personally. Are you paying for hours and times that suit her or getting childcare that suits you? Sounds like she is dictating to me.

@Blondeshavemorefun shes 11 months (I rounded up for ease) I don’t think many children that age are ready to transition to just one nap to be honest.

Ah yes I agree. I was thinking 1 nearly 2 esp if telling cm she hates being the last one

Def still needs 2 naps

And def sounds like cm wants an early
Finish /kids gone by 5

It's even more dubious that she gets upset about being the last one. She's an ideal age to scoop up and distract with some bubbles or a game of peek a boo, or love a snuggle on a lap with a book.

Childminder is blagging for an earlier pick up!! sone one has to be last and you are sticking to agreed hours and not collecting her later. It’s the childminders job to make children in their care feel secure and comfortable at all times. If your child is upset at all then the childminder should explain to her the situation- that mummy has work and will be there to oick them up at X o’clock - the same as every Monday/Tuesday etc etc - perhaps show her in a clock- mum will be here when big hand reaches this number. Perhaps you could talk to her and explain the same and reassure them what the arrangements are? Had this with mine and know it tugs at the heartstrings but don’t let childminder make you feel bad in any way.

Is child is only 11 months?! Then she isn’t upset about being last! She could easily be distracted. Childminder is blagging it for sure!

Maybe your baby would prefer to be with you 100% of the time, like most other nearly one year olds. That's not real life is it. You've got to pay the bills. And taking work home with you causing more exhaustion and stress while you're paying the childminder is ridiculous. Of course 11 month olds are tired and easily unsettled at the end of the day. Completely bizarre comment from CM and I think you've made the right call. If they see the baby being a bit upset at 5pm as out of their control then I wouldn't trust them at all.

More I think about it she's a crap cm

An 11mth is upset being on her own when having 121 with cm

So cuddles stories knocking over towers etx

Maybe she's upset as cm is tidying up /not in the same room so alone

It's hardly if an 11mth is saying miss mummmmmmmmy

Is it you suspect childminder knows your job (I assume teaching) so knows you could potentially collect earlier? 5.30 is still an early pick up time. If she knew you worked in an office until 5pm would she have said anything.
If baby isn’t liking being last maybe look for a nursery. In a nursery lots will be there to 6pm.

If this is true, and she isn’t after an early/paid finish, I reckon your child is just tired. At that age when you collect them, it feels like such a rush to feed them, bath them and get them to bed because they’re tired. It might be worth asking if they’re napping well whilst there as there are other children waking and making noise whereas you may not have this at home.

Someone has to be last -she’s 11 months old so does she really notice this?! My 13 month old twins wouldn’t. “She doesn’t like her coming in the holidays”. Your childminder is coming across as lazy from the things you are saying. Like you there are some days l can’t get away early plus mine is paid until 530pm so why should l turn up sooner.

Not sure an 11 month old would understand the explanation

My 14 month old is often the last to be picked up from the baby room at nursery, i can’t physically get there any earlier due to work, they close at 6pm and i usually get there between 5:45-5:50. The nursery workers have never said anything to me about him being the last, someone has to be, if it wasn’t my son it would be another kid 🤷‍♀️. Hes usually happy having some one on one time with one of the staff when I arrive, I don’t think he even notices he’s the last. I know they’re usually waiting to get an early finish when I get him as I have to go down stairs to get my 3 year old from the 3-5 room after (and he’s rarely the last to be picked up!) and they’ll be pulling out of the car park as I’m leaving the nursery. I have a contract with the nursery that my children can be there until 6pm on the dot if I want them to be. If you’re paying up to a specific time OP then you have every right for your child to be with the child minder up to the time.

And the holidays thing would just annoy me. If you’re paying for your child to be there as she doesn’t do term time only then you have every right to send your child! I have 1 week annual leave coming up in June, just because I need to use some, we’re not going anywhere that week, my husband is at work so I’ll be sending my children to nursery as normal most days, I’ll use the child free time to get some jobs done around the house, might get my hair cut….but as I will be paying for nursery regardless of if my children go or not then it’s my decision to send them even if I don’t need to and I can 100% say that there will be no comments from anyone at the nursery about me sending them when I’m not at work.

YABU. I work in wraparound care and some children, in fact quite a few, do get upset when all the other kids have been picked up and they are waiting. It’s actually normally that they are extremely tired due to being young and having a long day. We have sometimes mentioned to parents that a child is getting very tired and upset at the end of the day but we would never suggest that a parent picks up earlier, as that would have to come from the parent, if it’s even possible. I do think it’s important to keep parents informed of how their DC are behaving in the childcare setting, as it’s important to work together. I hope that the nursery is a better fit for your DC, good luck.

As someone who works in childcare she’s 100% only saying that so that you might come earlier and she can have an early finish. it would make me very uncomfortable too!
Id still send my children to childcare if I was off as well, you pay a fortune for it so you may as well still use it🤷🏻‍♀️

Clearly she’s a genius who understands she’s being collected last but not genius enough to know it’s because mummy needs to work so she can have food, clothes and toys.
do better!!!!!!!

seriously though, you’ve made the right decision to move her.

This is exactly what my childminder does!!

Childminder is well out of order. If you are collecting your child within the time you pay for then it is up to the childminder to keep your child occupied until hometime. I don't know if you have delicately raised this with your young child or not, but I expect it is common to feel a bit left behind for the last child, and your childminder's comments do not help the situation, you have to work and that is the earliest you can get there, end of.

I expect she would like an easier time of it, but is she offering you a discount in your fees if you do cut short the time your child spends with her? I would find her suggestion really patronising and annoying - 'guilting' you for working later than perhaps she thinks is necessary, it's nothing to do with her.

Raised it delicately with an 11month old?Really?

Rest of post makes perfect sense though