To feel this was inappropriate of childminder?

[Porpoising]

My 1 year old goes to a childminder 3 days a week Wednesday - Friday.

Wednesdays I have a meeting so pick her up 530. Thursdays I stay a bit later to plan and get organised, so similar pick up time. Fridays I pick her up a bit earlier at around 4.

Childminder has told me that it’s upsetting for my daughter to be the ‘last one’ and she feels she would benefit from me trying to get her a bit earlier. I’m really upset by it. AIBU?

I am a childminder and it’s true that some children do get upset at being the last one to be collected, it’s a fact and I think it’s good that the childminder is informing you about it.

I agree.

I'm glad she told you so you are aware but I am conflicted because like another poster said there has to be one child who is last but I'm assuming maybe some kids don't mind (mine personally did depending on their moods lol) don't worry too much, if you can't be there any sooner then you cant. the child minder needs to find ways to manage any upset. Your dc can't be the first that's got upset so the child minder should know how to mange this.

you have completely misunderstood me 🤭

if you think someone is nasty enough to try to make you feel guilty

then why would you entrust them with your child?

She doesn’t offer a tern time only package.

It would be extremely disruptive to take her out, put her back in, then out then in. Plus it gives me a chance to clean the house, plan and mark, visit the hairdressers and see friends, all of which are on the back burner usually.

I do think if you have strong opinions about people using childcare maybe a childminder is a stupid choice of job. It’s like being a butcher vegetarian or a pilot eco warrior.

Why would she need childcare if she's home?

Unless she listed many ways she has tried to distract and entertain your child when they are one on one and she has her 100% attention, without being able to stop her crying for however long she is the last one (and not just once!), she's not interested in the children and just doesn't want her day to be half an hour longer for the sake of one child, because one child doesn't earn her much.

I say that as someone who's only had good experiences with out child minder, so not a bias!

Why not? I don't know any parents who would keep their child off all day. It's good for their routine and a lot more fun that accompanying mummy doing boring chores.

No, I haven’t misunderstood you.

Firstly, OP never called her ‘nasty’. She just felt uncomfortable at the comment – this is not a case of inappropriate or insufficient care for the child. Ideal childcare is not easy to find, and whipping them out any time a childminder makes an irritating comment is far from the answer.

I don't see the problem. Surely you'd want your child care provider to tell you if your child is having issues/problems, especially as she is too young to tell you herself. If you can't get there earlier, then you can't get there earlier, it's no big deal

This. Why would a one year old get upset because a couple of other children have gone, if the CM is still engaged with them? CM can play with them or if the child is tired they can sit quietly til parent comes.

I suspect she wants to get the dinner on and doesn't want a child who isn't entertained by other children there.

I’m sure a 1 year old knows no difference that the other children have gone home.
Maybe its the other children that keep your daughter occupied and play with her when they’re there and when they go home your child minder actually has to do her job herself and look after your child??

My 19 month old is usually the last one picked up at 5/5.15pm. If I didn't work 3 days a week we couldn't afford our mortgage / bills / to do nice things. Luckily our childminder fully understands this and makes sure he has a lovely hour / 90mins just him.

but it was another posters speculation that i was responding to!

Because the CM doesn't offer term time only so she'd have to pay anyway.

Gosh I can’t believe some of the replies on here! So what if she’s at home in the holidays? She’s paying for it, why shouldn’t she use it? Also, you have to work OP so don’t let the replies make you doubt yourself. It’s perfectly understandable for you to be a bit upset at what she said but I’d just brush it off and ignore her- she offers those times so that’s what they’re there for.

@ZipZapZoom so you’ve never had anyone look after your child (if you have one) so you can have a few hours rest or to tidy the house or do whatever else you want? If not, you’re probably the exception rather than the rule because most people I imagine would take time for themselves or anything they needed to do if the opportunity arose.

The CM is being ridiculous, you leaving work earlier is not sustainable nor is it the solution.
She's angling for an earlier finish.
I'd also be put out that's she's being funny about school holiday time , she doesn't offer term time contracts so what does she expect ?
I'd tell her you'll try to find another CM where the children attend later.

I think you've misunderstood my posts. I'm firmly on the Ops side.

I don't think you really needed to know this so YANBU. Any child who sees other parents coming to collect is going to be asking 'when's my mummy/daddy coming'. But they get over it, as others have said it's on the CM to make that time special and counteract those feelings of 'oh I'm last'. As they said someone has to be, my kids were too at times.

As for the holiday situation, if you are paying for it then yes use it. If she doesn't want her there she can charge for term time only. I would be the same and be using it if I was paying, childcare is a huge expense!

The holiday thing is ridiculous - does she actually expect you to pay for holidays and not send her ????

The child is 1, a baby, I'm sure she isn't aware she's the last one there

My DD was always worried if I wasn't one of the first through the door, I'm sure she would have been really upset if I was always last. Although maybe she would have got used to it.

It would appear so

How long is she the last one for? 5 mins is different than 30-45 mins

I think in some ways whether she’s upset or not isn’t the point. Unless some bizarre system is agreed with the other parents so that we all pick up at the same time, someone will be last. I am not really sure how she or others on here expect that this can be avoided!