To ask if you could go back in time to change just one thing in your own life what would it be?

[alrightluv]

I don't mean historically as in kill a world leader etc. I mean one thing that would change yours or family/close friend's life.

Mine would be force my sister to get her pain looked at. She left it years popping pills and died of something that would probably have been prevented if she'd gone to the GP sooner. Although to be honest they were giving her strong pain relief. I'd have made her get exploratory tests. She died too young. I used to beg her to go. If I could go back I'd drag her there and be forceful at the appointment.

Is there anything you'd do?

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life I could choose to rectify if I could go back. But nothing that has caused harm.

Thankyou. Life's hard and cruel but they're survivors living life to the fullest and my heart bursts with how proud of them I am.

Some poignant responses.

I regret not having some riotous sexual adventures in my youth. I may yet start rampaging in my old age - anything’s possible, I guess! At this point in my life, like Boy George, I’d rather have a cuppa. ☕️

Wouldn't have married a soldier!!!

I would not have called my prospective DP after 2 weeks of silence to give him "one last chance". I should have run away thanking my lucky stars I escaped when I had the chance (he's now an EXDP, and a very difficult one at that).

I feel sorry for my DCs that I lumbered them with a Dad like him.

I’d have left my ex sooner. Made better financial decisions when with said ex. Finished my Masters degree in my 20s - I’m exhausted and older and have a family now now and it’s a struggle to go back to it 😂

I would have dared greatly more often.

I wouldn't have eaten the enormous lump of cannabis resin that my new boyfriend gave me in 1994. After a hideous reaction, it left me with depression that ruined my time at uni and thus impacted my future.

Not a great move.

Possible trigger here - sexual abuse

I would change the naivety of 11 year old me to see the obvious grooming by an older relative (married into family) inviting me round to their house to help with the baby in the evening (baby was blood relative). Sadly I was an awkward child and didn't have many friends, it was different times then and I didn't really understand sex etc and at the time, although I hated it, part of me felt like a grown up. I also absolutely adored helping with the baby and didn't want to stop doing that.

Once my Mum passes away I'll report it to the police and finally get my justice, it would kill her to know what happened over 35 years ago and the real reason I had a termination at 14. (Imagine someone that age being pregnant and no Social Worker came sniffing round). The man is still married into my family and I've spent the last 35 years watching him like a hawk around other girls and he knows I'm watching his every move.

Absolutely would still get married, my DH is fantastic 🙂

I should have drank milk as a child. I may then have been a bit taller, which meant that I could have joined the WRNS. I wouldn't then have had to marry at a ridiculously young age just so that I could leave home.

Got an education,packed the drugs in a lot sooner.

I’m in your sister’s position and I would have got help sooner. Being in pain everyday has made my world so small but the worst is that I know it upsets my sister.

Just this afternoon I booked an appointment with a consultant to try and get a proper diagnosis. I currently have about six running concurrently because my GP keeps adding to the list!

Your opening post hit hard.

I would have told my late husband's daughter that the way she was treating him was unacceptable.

To never have drunk alcohol.

Not gone to a specific place with my parents where we all got covid. (Had to be that place - it was the only time we'd gone out as a family together and we all started having symptoms in the same 24 hour period.)

My mum was very seriously ill, spent ages in ICU and it left me with PTSD. Also left me with LC, and my life now is a shadow of what it used to be like!

Not got into the habit of drinking at home and eating shite during lockdown as I'm still doing it and I've now got a gut on me.

I would choose a different course at university. Not in terms of career success, as I’m happy with my salary and find my job stimulating.

But I did a degree that bored me and I sort of withdrew from everyone there.

I feel like that followed me into my life for a few years.

Sorry to hear that, I hope you get better and pain free.

I’m so sorry that he did that to you. I hope you get your justice and closure.

@CaravaggiosCat that's good that they're ok.

If I had pushed harder instead of allowing doctors to give me the brush off as my hands were packing up, I could potentially have avoided becoming a wheelchair user. But I can't decide if I want to change that, which sounds crazy. If someone came up with a cure right now I would take it, but I'm not sure about undoing the last 14 years. It's made me who I am.🤔

I would buy a different house instead of extending this one though. It's a lovely house but we're saddled with a crippling mortgage. We're very settled here and autistic DD would freak out if we tried to move her.

I wish I had done secondary school differently. It's difficult to articulate because I don't really know exactly what it is I'd do differently. I suppose I would go into it with a better attitude and not be scared to ask for support where I needed it. I was a child and had no such wisdom, but I wish I had asked adults for help instead of trying to tackle it alone.
At primary I was popular, high-achieving and had lots of close friendships. I think it was a big fish small pond kind of situation. As soon as we moved to secondary something changed and I seemed to lose all my confidence overnight.
I started to get bullied but instead of asking for help I tried to brave it out by answering back, getting into petty trouble and getting bad marks. No one was impressed by my attitude. In fact, it was all just fodder for them. Old friends ditched me and I became very unpopular, lonely and miserable. I remember my form tutor kindly suggesting to my parents that I start afresh somewhere new because things hadn't worked out for me. I'll never forget the shame of hearing those words.
After that I pulled myself together a bit, but couldn't shake a lot of the labels I had earned for myself. I made a few friends who were kind enough to forgive my bad start and I settled down and passed all my exams, but my confidence never really recovered. In my mind I am still the freak, the loner, the idiot and all those names I was called.
Dd starts secondary a year in September. She has autism and I'm petrified of her having the same problems I did. I know I will spend her final year at primary panicking and counting down the days with dread and fear. I know it's irrational, but I can't bear her facing the same unhappiness I did.

My heart goes out to many pps on here who are living with awful feelings of regret.

@catchingclouds your experience chimes a lot with mine. I too blamed myself for years until I gradually understood that it was my dysfunctional upbringing that was a significant contributory factor to my secondary school experience. What was your upbringing like?

@alrightluv Long story, but we're divorcing. It's taken 22 years to get to this point. When hitting me didn't work to gain my compliance he used emotional abuse instead, for 20 years.

All power to you @GreggsSteakBake x

@GreggsSteakBake thank goodness you're away from him.