To ask if you could go back in time to change just one thing in your own life what would it be?

[alrightluv]

I don't mean historically as in kill a world leader etc. I mean one thing that would change yours or family/close friend's life.

Mine would be force my sister to get her pain looked at. She left it years popping pills and died of something that would probably have been prevented if she'd gone to the GP sooner. Although to be honest they were giving her strong pain relief. I'd have made her get exploratory tests. She died too young. I used to beg her to go. If I could go back I'd drag her there and be forceful at the appointment.

Is there anything you'd do?

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life I could choose to rectify if I could go back. But nothing that has caused harm.

Oh, nearly forgot. I would NOT have got a credit card. I got one at 18 because I could, and to make matters worse, I got one with my football team's badge on and would use it in shops in the rival city just to piss them off. I ran up debts on frivolous clothes and whatever else, which I've only recently managed to pay off. Stupidest thing I've ever done and I have warned my kids never to do this. Massive regret for me as a supposedly intelligent person 😪

I would try to get some help with my self esteem and overeating. I moved to a different area and different schools as a kid which caused me some trauma and I started eating too much and have had a lifetime of struggles with my weight. That said, it all led me to where I am now with a loving partner and 3 great kids so I guess if I changed one little thing it could have led me elsewhere?

I would have chosen a profession that wasn't so physically demanding. I'm in my 50's now and have health issues that wouldn't be a problem if I had a sedentary job. I would also have stayed in further education as opposed to leaving school at 16, I was very academic at school but thought I knew better and wanted some money in my pocket at the time.

I don't know if I would have made a different choice, but I would have given much more serious thought to moving from Ireland to London.

I love London and I don't move back by choice, but if I never moved away I wouldn't have known any different and there is no doubt that you miss out on extended family and lifelong relationships and the layers of community that you get in a place people stay in, when you go.

I just skipped off casually to university at 18 and never went back, and I sometimes wonder...what if I just went to UCD or Trinity like everyone else?

Married. No kids.

Stop being a sheep. I followed my friends staying on at 6th form which turned out to be a big mistake as my A-level options I wanted to do, I couldn't as two of them were being in the same pot for lessons and another was cancelled as not enough takers. Yet another A-level, can't remember which one now (talking 97/98) only had 6 students.

Should have stuck to my own guns and had 2 week window between finding out my ideal A-levels didn't fit the timetable and speak to the FE colleges in the area about options. Wasted a year doing 2 A-levels I didn't want to. Left after one year and did a advanced GNVQ.

Then when I went to university, I went to my local one which is another big mistake. First couldn't do any social stuff as the last bus from the city centre to the village was 6:10pm. One year I had lectures at 5pm on one day a week. Only caught the bus home ONCE as it was late. As it was a 15 min walk from the campus and took a few mins to leave lecture theatre to leave the building. Other times I got a bus which stopped about 2 miles from home and much more frequent. Rang my parents whilst on bus to pick me up. Also during the 2 years at the uni, I didn't see the same faces as for example, a mandatory module, there could be 4 lecture groups and 16-20 seminar groups. Spoke to someone in my department who said after two years I can get a HND. Then went to a university about 100 miles away and it was much better. There was only 1 or 2 lecture groups and 2-4 seminar groups which had the same people in each one. There for a year and converted my HND to a BA (Hons). Now wished I did the three years there.

Hindsight is always 20-20, isn't it? Sadly.

Hmm.i really, really want to say I wouldnt have got married but then I wouldnt have DD 🤔 i should have wised up to the fucker much earlier though, fought the cprner for my unborn child and not had an abortion, gone back to my mums or something :(

Also, wrong uni and degree choice!!

Bugger

I’d have never bought my first ever pair of leggings. Women’s atire should never have an elastic waist!

🤣

Had our kids younger, with the hope of being about to be part of any grandchildren’s lives. If they wait till they are late 30’s/40’s I think ill be too old and exhausted to be the granny I’d like to be.

I would have changed the order of my choices on my CAO (university) application.

Travelled and not met my hideous ex .

I wouldn't change a thing. Everything I have been through and every decision I made (right or wrong) has led me to where I am today.

Wish I’d known I had ADHD from childhood.

@alrightluv thank you ❤️ he really hid it so well from everyone in his life - a few of our friendship group were supposed to be going on holiday and he was making plans for it and buying holiday clothes even a few days before.

I suppose wishing that you could have done something is just part of the grieving process, but as you say, over time I’ve accepted that with what I knew then there was probably nothing I could have done. Sounds like it was similar with your sister in that way - you did what you could at the time, and tried your best to get her to seek help, but couldn’t have known where it would end up. I’m so sorry you lost her far too soon though.

And you were an amazing lifeline for your friend with PND, she was so lucky to have you to support her.

Wouldn't have got married

Wouldn’t be in the relationship I’m in. But I’m trapped. Hundreds of miles from family and with a successful business I’ve built in his name. If I left id be fucked.
80% of the time it’s lovely but 20% is absolute torture.

Not being so cautious buying our first house. We had (house) options and plenty of room with the finances. It was only meant to be a step on the property ladder but 15 years later we are still here, in a house too small for us and no real options to move anywhere better as we love the area but cost and availability of what would be a suitable move, is just nil. If we had just bought the bigger house back then, there would be no need to move now. Too many compromises would have to be made and so far, staying put has been the most attractive option.

Other than that, I wouldn't change anything. Too risky! The other house was less than a mile away so I doubt that would have lead to much else being different in our lives re friends, schools, jobs etc.

For my family: I'd find a way to contact my cousin and tell him to have a good nights sleep and a coffee before he set off on the long drive home. His death irreparably broke his parents and my dad.

For my friend: I would have told her that I was secretly seeing that lad in high school and had been doing for a while, before she ever told me she fancied him. I kept quiet as I didn't know what to say and she walked in on us later having a sneaky kiss. I tried to explain but it was too late and she thought I was doing it on purpose. She never spoke to me again. I still miss her friendhsip decades later.

For myself: I wouldn't have done A-levels as my parents told me I had to. I would have insisted on doing the course I wanted to do at college. My life would have been very different I suspect. Not necessarily better, but defnitely different and I could have had a career rather than jobs.

@Remembering39862 that's interesting he was making plans. I've heard depressed people can often seem extremely happy once they've decided they're going to end their life. Life is shit at times. Must be awful to feel so low. I always promote Andy's man club. Although there's been a few young girls taking that way out recently. So awful.

@CoffeeCatsAndVodka that's so sad about your cousin.

I'd have had a second child in 2020 and not put it off due to the pandemic. We waited too long for there to be a 'right time' and too much time has now passed to have another. I'm really struggling to move on at the moment and be happy with what we have.

I think I'd have tried to have a baby in my early 30s. But I'd have fucked my career (in a male dominated field and working for a company with a track record of forcing out pregnant women) and would have delayed being able to buy my home for many years. I'd have picked the university that allowed a year abroad - but then I'd never have met DH. I'd have learnt some foreign languages while my brain was younger and more open to new information - there's no but to that, that was an oversight proving that youth is wasted on the young.

My life now is a combination of all the decisions I've made, the sensible ones, the silly impulsive ones, and the bloody stupid ones, and it suits me very well overall. I think that while self reflection is important it doesn't do you any good to dwell on the might have beens. I can see why people of faith fall back on the will of God - there's a comfort there in understanding that not everything is in our control, sometimes bad things just happen.