To ask if you could go back in time to change just one thing in your own life what would it be?

[alrightluv]

I don't mean historically as in kill a world leader etc. I mean one thing that would change yours or family/close friend's life.

Mine would be force my sister to get her pain looked at. She left it years popping pills and died of something that would probably have been prevented if she'd gone to the GP sooner. Although to be honest they were giving her strong pain relief. I'd have made her get exploratory tests. She died too young. I used to beg her to go. If I could go back I'd drag her there and be forceful at the appointment.

Is there anything you'd do?

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life I could choose to rectify if I could go back. But nothing that has caused harm.

Perhaps not leaving my coercively controlling ex-husband until the children were adults/older?

I would not have become a Nurse and spent 30 years of being stressed beyond belief !

So sorry 😔 💐

Not saying the hurtful things I said to my parents when I was 13 & 18

I would have bought the sodding Nina Simone tickets and just gone on my own.

I wouldn’t have divorced my first husband. I look back now and realise it was peri-meno skulduggery. A dreadful mistake.

But out of interest - has your friend managed to sell them and liquidate the value?

I nearly bought one for a fiver when they first came out. I could kick myself, except that no one I know who has one ever seems to be able to sell it and get money. It's like NFTs - those strings of code with a bit of token crap computer art attached. Worth so much allegedly, until anyone tries to sell them on. Have you ever met anyone who bought a bitcoin for a few pounds, sold it and bought a house? I haven't. But I know lots of people who have a bit of a bitcoin.

I would have gone with my friends to see Amy Winehouse in Joogleberrys playhouse in Brighton circa 2003 before she got famous.

Other than that, I would have handled things differently, e.g my ex husbands drug addiction. But I wouldn’t actually change any of my life’s decisions. Everything I did made me who I am today.

After being constantly put down by teachers in primary school I decided when I was about 10 to avoid talking wherever possible and only if I was spoken to, to avoid giving them anything to shout at me or complain about. Doing this developed into crippling social anxiety that severely affects my life to this day. I would love to go back and stop myself from doing it. I was a happy, confident child once and now I have no friends other than my DH and am unlikely to be able to make any again.

@Strawberrycheesecake7 that's dreadful they did that to you. I hope you can take back your power. There's so many opportunities to meet others nowadays. I really hope you take the step. You deserve friendship.

So many things that I'd go back and change with the wise benefit of hindsight. I suppose the biggest thing, the thing that has had the biggest impact on my life, is that I would not get into debt. I got into debt when I was at university age around 20, and it spiralled and escalated so much over so many years, I didn't manage to get out of debt until my late 30s. So for the best part of two decades I was living month to month, with all of my spare cash going onto debt repayments. Couldn't afford to have all sort of fun life experiences, couldn't save for a house deposit, couldn't go on holidays, couldn't buy myself nice things. I'm in my 40s now and debt free but feel really sad that I missed out on so much of life.

I'd have gone to a lot more rock concerts. Too many of the lead singers are no longer around

@Iamuhtredsonofuhtred what a shame. She's such a sad loss.

@NightPuffins that's great you're debt free. 40s is very young. You probably have a long time left to live life to the fullest?

Not go into nursing.

I wouldn’t have used all those drugs in my 20s

@Sunnnybunny72 that's 2 of you who said that.

Got fit and stayed fit. Only just discovered the joys of fitness in my 50s

I would have:

Saved regularly.
Made additional pension contributions.
Overpaid my mortgage.
Chosen different subjects

Not worn leggings etc but stuck to jeans.
Not drunk as much.
Not stopped going to fitness classes.
Not got several credit cards.

Had a baby with DH1.

Got a PC so that I could have communicated properly within a long distance relationship. This was pre Facebook and smartphones etc.

(it’s all good because I have two wonderful DC with DH2)

Stood up for myself a LOT more at work.
Involved the union a LOT more.

Not taken people at face value so much and not been such a mug.
Not put weight back on.

Ah well. I have a great life and the only thing bothering me now is being overweight. At least I can do something about that!

I’ve gone to so many in the last few years. Some of them cost me a bomb but I figured that that would probably be my last chance to see them.

I left my ex at the start of the relationship after spotting the red flags . Then accepted to get back with him due to being naive and insecure. That's my biggest regret ever!!! I could have run a mile and never looked back .... then. Now separated with 2 kids

I wouldn't have married my first husband. We were in the taxi on way to the registry office and my dad turned to me and & said : "You know you don't have to go through with it if you don't want to, we can turn around and just go to the pub instead." I wish we had.

There’s a few things.

Trivial: Started keeping a list of every book I read during childhood and teenage years, instead of trying to find a half-remembered book a few decades later.

Financial: Started saving earlier for a house deposit , and not going with the safe option when we did buy a house, but stretching ourselves a bit. Due to house price increases, we can’t afford to move from a small two-bed to anything larger.

Personal: Gone home in time to be at my dad’s deathbed, and a few years later, my mum’s. I was too late both times.

Really, I would try to prevent the suicide of a distant relative. Their parents had no idea how bad they felt, and neither did siblings or friends. If I could warn the parents in some way, I would.

I've often wondered how my life would have been different if I'd said yes to going out with a boy in Y7. He asked me out in front of the whole class at the end of the first week, and I actually fancied him, but so did my best friend, so from solidarity I said no.

I don't go thinking that anything serious would have come of it (his first girlfriend held hands with him at discos and kissed occasionally and that was it).

But I do wonder if it might have marked me out as a "cool kid" early on, and how much that might have subsequently shaped my teenage experience and adult psyche.

That wasn’t your fault. Only the perpetrator is responsible for their actions and crimes.

I hope you’re ok nowadays.