to not have realised how abusive and horrible men were until I joined MN

[geoger]

Been on MN a while now and I must admit that it has really opened my eyes to how abusive and horrible some men are. I’m not ignorant, I know that men can be violent, controlling, abusive etc - I read loads, watch the news and documentaries but I just didn’t realise the depths of depravity some men reach. Every day there are threads where women are physically, emotionally, financially and sexually abused by their so called ‘d’ h/p that I find really worrying and distressing.
Some of these threads still play on my mind and I worry for the women who posted them.
I feel so stupid and naive and trusting. MN has really opened my eyes. Has anybody else experienced this worry for other women on here or am I just living in a bubble?
I know this is AIBU but please no bashing

He's probs not wrong but I think he's also trying to curry favour. There's far more violence perpetrated against men, which I know isn't usually a focus in the feminism section but it should be for the police.

He's probs not wrong but I think he's also trying to curry favour. There's far more violence perpetrated against men, which I know isn't usually a focus in the feminism section but it should be for the police.

And what sex are the perpetrators of this
Violence towards men.... Men. Men are the problem. (NAMALT before anyone gets excitable).

None of that has ever happened to
me either, apart from working outside the home.

I don’t think abuse, violence, gaslighting or coercion is acceptable by any gender. Some men are terrible. I dare say there might be a similar percentage on women who are also terrible. We should call out that behaviour and treat everyone with dignity and respect.

you can get into the gender wars as much as you like - I’m not buying what you’re selling.

No one talking about 'gender wars' are they? The thread is specifically about the behaviour of people of the male sex.
The idea of some odd competition as to which sex is the worst has come about due to posters attempting to veil this problem by arguing that the female sex are equally culpable, without any evidence more compelling than 'I think' and 'I dare say'.
It's also irrelevant to the discussion, as even if they could demonstrate that large numbers of women were 'terrible', it wouldnt translate to any fewer rapes, asssults or murders of women by men.
We now have the comments of the most senior male police officer in the UK, a man, who is also concerned about male violence. I think that's probably more pertinent than what any of us 'think' the problem may be. I struggle to see how people can fail to reflect on their stance in light of that.

And?

It's not like victims are in any way culpable for the actions of perpetrators just by sharing the same sex - that would surely be victim blaming. All victims of violence should receive the same support, which sadly they don't.

That's the problem with only looking at the demographics of male/female vs the many other demographics like victim/perpetrator, innocent/guilty, criminal/non-criminal etc. Feminists often seem to have a blind spot in this area and can be a bit myopic.

Like, you wouldn't tell the family of a black man lynched by the KKK that "oh well, they were all male." Same with a gay man having his head stamped on by a homophobic thug.

In reality, the black male likely has more in common with his wife and female family members than he does with most KKK members.

@WalrusOfLove did anyone say the victims are in any way culpable for the actions of perpetrators? I think the point went way over your head.

I don't think anyone is seriously suggesting that men aren't victims of violence from men. Feminists by nature of the movement will make make VAWG their priority and need not justify or apologise for that. Its the whole point of the thing. You and others coming from your position may well make violence against men their priority. However i think the comments of the commissioner have shown us that we should have one area of shared understanding and focus, which is on men as perpetrators.
Because whatever the sex of the victim the sex of the assailant is likely to be male. So instead of wasting time NAMALTING and misrepresenting facts to blame women for things they do not do, like cause male suicide through abuse of men for example, we should focus on where the problem really lies.

Of course. You’re right, how silly of me. Thank you for deep insight.

Why is the sex of the attacker a factor in whether the victim should receive support?

Many on here seem to think it is otherwise it wouldn't be the first thing they mention when people point out that a particular demographic are over-represented in victim statistics.

I feel it's a bit like shrugging and saying "well, who murders these women? It's always their own husband".

I don’t think abuse, violence, gaslighting or coercion is acceptable by any gender. Some men are terrible. I dare say there might be a similar percentage on women who are also terrible.

The statistics don't bear you out. Violence by men is far more likely than violence by women. But we do always get the "I knew a woman who was awful - worse than any man" or "women cause more damage by being bitchy" or "I dare say there might be a similar percentage of women who are also terrible"

Just as when men not paying for their children is discussed there is a flurry of "my sister in law abandoned her 7 children without a penny"

Can't we just take a clear hard look at the facts instead of all the whataboutery and NAMALT and Women - they are bitches .

Until men - and women - face the facts of male violence - to women, to men, to children, to animals, we haven't a hope of figuring out a better way for men to live that might mean women - and men - can walk in their own cities without fear.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/article/2024/jun/04/met-chief-says-millions-of-men-are-danger-to-women-and-girls-in-england-and-wales

Going to keep on positing this.

What you fail to recognise is that the gas lighting will never wash, because this is also the lived experience of women.

I feel it's a bit like shrugging and saying "well, who murders these women? It's always their own husband".

No one shrugs and says that. We are focussing on males, as a sex class, being the main perpetrators of violence. You keep trying to make out we are diminishing male victims. Start a new thread.

The statistics don't bear you out. Violence by men is far more likely than violence by women.

General violence is male dominated. Domestic violence is more often female perpetrated. This is confirmed by many studies over the past 25 years, including the biggest DV study to date which analysed 1700 previous peer reviewed studies.

Ahhh. You're that poster. Thought your username looked familiar.

Yup, the one that goes by data not unfounded statements. 👍

😂

You mean the one who ignores every single piece of data that isn't specifically domestic violence so they can keep peddling the myth that women are more dangerous than men?

Yup, the one that goes by data not unfounded statements. 👍

The one that goes round any topics that try and discuss male violence towards women and derails them with pish.

Take it up with the Head of the Met. We're bored.