to not have realised how abusive and horrible men were until I joined MN

[geoger]

Been on MN a while now and I must admit that it has really opened my eyes to how abusive and horrible some men are. I’m not ignorant, I know that men can be violent, controlling, abusive etc - I read loads, watch the news and documentaries but I just didn’t realise the depths of depravity some men reach. Every day there are threads where women are physically, emotionally, financially and sexually abused by their so called ‘d’ h/p that I find really worrying and distressing.
Some of these threads still play on my mind and I worry for the women who posted them.
I feel so stupid and naive and trusting. MN has really opened my eyes. Has anybody else experienced this worry for other women on here or am I just living in a bubble?
I know this is AIBU but please no bashing

How does the latest information from the office for national statistics back up your claim exactly?

In the year ending March 2023, the victim was female in 73.5% of domestic abuse-related crimes

Between the year ending March 2020 and the year ending March 2022, 67.3% of victims of domestic homicide were female compared with 12.1% of victims of non-domestic homicide.

Some people have a chronic lack of self awareness
Indeed, that seems to apply to many posters here too.

Men and women have equally ways to be hurtful. It might not be the same approach but they both know how to induce pain on those they want punished!

But beating and stomping and strangling them to death does seem to be more in the male domain.

How can you know people's motives if they don't discuss them, as is the case with men?

I'm more talking about DV stats. Only crime data shows women being slightly more victimised. Thousands of other studies show the opposite, and DV charities repeatedly state that men are very reluctant to report (only 5% of victims receiving help).

There's very little support for men so it's unsurprising they don't bother. It's like how many women don't report rape because they know it won't likely go anywhere.

Honest question. Do you think the panel of industry renowned DV experts lied about their findings? That the data gleaned from 1700 peer reviewed studies was just incidental/a coincidence?

Posters seem to be trying their best to dodge addressing this.

There's very little support for men so it's unsurprising they don't bother.

Why don't you start a charity or a support group for males affecting by all this violence at the hands of females? Seeing as there's so little support.

*affected

Why is a neuroscientist wading in on the subject of domestic violence statistics? They are no more expert on the matter than a rheumatologist or, for example, a chemical engineer.

Yep this. ^ 👏

Well exactly

I just don't think it's healthy to live your life in fear of being murdered. Being too scared to leave the house after a certain time etc.

Of course, if you've been abused and have trauma etc then that's a different matter, or if you live in a dodgy area. That's understandable. But I've met so many middle class educated women who've suddenly become terrified of daily life after reading a few articles, and they seem intent to spread this fear to other women. I notice that they are particularly hostile towards women that aren't scared of these things and that's the opposite of female empowerment.

If you're worried about your safety you're honestly better focusing on things like becoming a better driver as you're much more likely to be killed on the way to work than by a random bloke.

Are you suggesting that those of us talking about fear, are imagining it @WalrusOfLove?

Or that somehow we're making it up for no reason other than to vilify men?

TBH, the more you post, the most distasteful and unpleasant I think your posts are becoming. You're starting to sound as if you're deliberately goading people here.

Being fearful to walk alone in secluded/dark places is not a new thing that's related reading some articles in the newspaper.

My mother was already aware of the dangers and she's in her 60s.

My mother actually told me about an incident where she was in a phone box, trying to call my father (when they first started dating). This happened during broad daylight in a very nice village.

A car with a couple of blokes inside stopped next to the phone box. I can't remember all the details but I think they tried to accost her/pull her inside the car. She managed to get away and run back home. This was over 40 years ago.

Zero chance you are a woman. Do you really think we can't tell. You are so desperate to blame women, you are in a state of utter denial about male pattern violence and it's impact on women's daily lives.

I've just told my husband about Walrus's advice to become better drivers. He replied: "That's definitely a man writing" 🤣

As just one example, a woman is raped every 18 minutes in India... That fun little statistic came out not long after that Spanish vlogger and her husband were beaten & robbed and she was gang raped by 7 men.
Just saying.
It's all well and good to say NAMALT, but some very much are.

Of course we are more likely to die in a car crash. If by that you mean, we are more likely to die than men because car safety has been designed for, and tested for men.

The stats are 1 in 4 women are abused at some stage in their lives. As a survivor from childhood and the ex, working alongside abused women, I've a lot of lived experience about what it is like, training, etc.

The aftermath is always with you. There are still 2-3 women on average being killed at the hands of a partner weekly. During lockdown, it was 4 in the U.K. alone.

Regarding men, there are charities that support men. There are 57 organisations for men and women to approach. Some are men only and some women only.

Womens Aid made a quota of their work and offices over to IDAS (Independently Domestic Abuse Services) 10 years ago as a matter of the equality act.

There are 108 male refuges in this country, and another 302 are for women.

1 in 4 women will experience partner abuse in their lifetime.

I support women, as I'm a woman, and I've lived experience as a female.

There are males employed to help and support men...

When you consider it has taken 50 years to get to this point of recognition/work, etc, with abuse on women, it's remarkable once accepted how quickly men's work in this area in roughly 10 years ago has spread.

The sad thing is there are still 2-3 women being killed now as there was 50 years ago. There is still so much to be done

Not to mention:

Data from road safety charity Brake stated that men were more than three times as likely to break the speak limit compared to women.
The same survey revealed that 30% of men admitted to driving over 100mph compared to just 9% of women.

Or:

According to new analysis from The Guardian, male drivers in Great Britain are three times more likely than women to be involved in a road collision that injures or kills a pedestrian. (Source: RAC).

So you defer to a man's wisdom? 🤣

Oh. You're back. I thought had hoped you'd been banned.

Wish I hadn't.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/article/2024/jun/04/met-chief-says-millions-of-men-are-danger-to-women-and-girls-in-england-and-wales

Thanks for posting that here @Irisginger
It will be interesting to see if the comments of this man will be dismissed as bitter, hyperbolic man-hating, or if he will just be accused of a failure to understand statistics.

I expect none of those, as the little gang of men who turn up on threads like this seem to get their jollies gaslighting women, particularly women who have experienced abuse. Strangely enough, they don't feel similarly compelled to 'correct' other men.

I hope MN crack down on them.