to not have realised how abusive and horrible men were until I joined MN

[geoger]

Been on MN a while now and I must admit that it has really opened my eyes to how abusive and horrible some men are. I’m not ignorant, I know that men can be violent, controlling, abusive etc - I read loads, watch the news and documentaries but I just didn’t realise the depths of depravity some men reach. Every day there are threads where women are physically, emotionally, financially and sexually abused by their so called ‘d’ h/p that I find really worrying and distressing.
Some of these threads still play on my mind and I worry for the women who posted them.
I feel so stupid and naive and trusting. MN has really opened my eyes. Has anybody else experienced this worry for other women on here or am I just living in a bubble?
I know this is AIBU but please no bashing

You said you were a positive role model for the MEN at your 'workplace.'

Why would a woman be a role model for men?! 😂

Do you even THINK before you submit your posts?! 😆

As for the 'I post on Mumsnet at work, while I'm waiting for the crane to bring the skip back' comment!!

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!! 😂

Oh and we can't have any women choosing to remain single, can we? Oh dear me no. Who do they think they are? 🤣

Go and ‘emphasise’ it all you like but to do it on a thread like this, whilst also not listening to women, (along with your posting history where you constantly point out NAMALT and write about how bad girls/women are) shows what you are.

Absolutely this!

It was the famous 'Right listen up' post on MN that helped me realise my relationship was abusive and would only get worse.
And reading the many many similar accounts and stories. The solidarity and advice here was a lifesaver and helped me to escape a life of misery and self doubt.

Of course there is a selection bias because ppl come on to MN specifically to discuss difficult relationships. However once you recognise the signs it's far more prevalent than people might think.

That’s because your talking to women so your perspective is skewed.

These mums net threads are classic echo chambers of lots of Internet people saying hugely over the top things. It’s crazy behaviour.

i bet none of these women talk about times they have undermined their partners, been emotionally abusive etc etc. But plenty of them will have. Plenty of us have seen our mums be abusive towards our dads, our friends mums, or our siblings and their mates do it. I know men who are in abusive relationships and I know women who are. I also know that sometimes people can be abusive in their relationship, but you wouldn’t call it an abusive relationship as such

It’s just really extreme what you are saying and quite simply sexist. you should be ashamed of yourself.

With my children, I talk about what makes a healthy relationship and they see that modelled by us too. We talk about harmful/unhealthy/abusive behaviour. I can’t imagine having to ‘emphasise’ that there are good men out there, like I’m insisting my children must keep searching for them. Wtf? Good men will naturally show themselves through consistent good behaviour.

It's so weird that you love data so much, but you're steadfastly ignoring any data that doesn't say what you want it to say.

So,I went looking for more stats on male victims of domestic abuse as you, as our resident mansplainer, thinks women are the problem but the majority of studies you've presented appear to be 20+ years old. This link from a men's charity has some more up to date data.

https://mankind.org.uk/statistics/statistics-on-male-victims-of-domestic-abuse/#:~:text=(ONS%202022%2F23).,against%20men%20(ManKind%20Initiative).

It says:

2/3 of domestic abuse victims are women. 75% of domestic abuse crimes are committed against women. 1 in 4 women are victims of domestic abuse compared to 1 in 7 men.

In 2022/23, 13 men died at the hands of their partner or ex-partner compared to 56 women. (ONS 2022/23). (No details given about the sex of the perpetrators.)

Men are the aggressors. Data, innit. Can't argue with data.

Incidentally, it takes a lot for a post on Mumsnet to shock me these days, I've been around a long time, but even a few hours later I'm still pretty disgusted at someone saying 80,000 women dead at the hands of men (and it's actually 89,000) isn't that much because £80k isn't much when spread out among the global population. As if a woman's life is worth £1.

@WalrusOfLove still hasn't specified how many women would need to be murdered by men before he would see it as unacceptable.

@Dakotabluebell

@WalrusOfLove It's so weird that you love data so much, but you're steadfastly ignoring any data that doesn't say what you want it to say.

Yeah this. ^

@WalrusOfLove here's some interesting reading for you (FROM THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATION,) if you like facts and figures and statistics so much!

Though I am sure that even after reading the harrowing information on here, and reading about the horrific amount of women who are abused and attacked by men, you will STILL say 'what about da poor menz? Ya know wimmin can be mean too!' 🙄

Violence against women (who.int)

Perhaps not a role model as such. But if you teach a young bloke to drive and operate heavy plant equipment/trucks/etc you're combatting the old stereotypes that women are shit drivers etc and that it's a man's job.

But keep on laughing. Some of us talk the talk and some of us walk the walk, eh.

No I don’t feel like that because anyone can post anything they want on here, so most of it is probably made up bullshit and you have the miserable mumsnetter’s who hijack it to spread their hate, as they want everyone else to be as miserable as them.

And actually yes, some of the young lads do actually look up to me and come to me for advice.

It's never acceptable but suggesting a curfew for a crime that more than 99.99% of men don't commit is plain bonkers.

You conveniently forgot to include the following. Seems the actual figure may be double, which puts it in line with most of the studies.

• Half of male victims (49%) fail to tell anyone they are a victim of domestic abuse and are two and a half times less likely to tell anyone than female victims (19%).
• 66% of the men who call the ManKind Initiative helpline have never spoken to anyone before about the abuse they are suffering and 64% would not have called if the helpline was not anonymous.
• 6.5% of male victims (2.8% women) have considered taking their life due to partner abuse in 2022/23.

If the price for young men learning stereotypes about women are false is having an MRA agenda spewed at them all day long... well, it's a tempting offer, but I'd rather they thought I was a crap driver.

👏

It's time to have a long hard look at yourself when you start believing recognised DV experts and government bodies have an 'MRA agenda'. 🤣

None of the data I posted is my own. It's mostly from peer reviewed studies.

If I never have to see the word 'data' ever again I'll die happy 🤯

And people wonder why 93% of UK women reject identifying as a feminist, citing reasons such as it's 'man hating'.

The vast majority of women in this country don't agree with you. Read the Fawcett Society study. They're actually a feminist org lol.

Have you read that W.H.O. link I posted half an hour ago, about the constant everyday and horrific violence against WOMEN (by MEN) @WalrusOfLove ???

Nah, I thought not. You are not interested in any of the facts and figures about men abusing and attacking women. You're only interested in posting made up statistics that make the menz look like society's victims.

Why on earth did you not just start your own thread about MEN? Why come and shit all over this one about how women suffer at the hands of men?

Afraid no-one would be arsed to post on it no doubt... Because the amount of violence against men by WOMEN is microscopic compared to the amount of violence against women by MEN!

64.6% of statistics are made up. Fact. It's true because I read it it on the Internet.

Let's see it then. Post a pic your CPC card and license. (With a piece of paper next to it that says '17th May 2024' next to it.)

I'm SURE it will be authentic, and genuinely YOURS. 🙄

Really, I read it in the Daily Mail. 😆

I wonder how long we will wait for the picture of the CPC card and licence from@WalrusOfLove ??? (That he promised to post, and that will definitely be his!) 😆

I think women here need to remember that some men really do get off on plonking themselves in the middle of a predominately women’s group and saying anything to get attention from those women.

We see it quite often on mumsnet, some admit to being men, some don’t. It often comes out. They crave attention from women presumably because they don’t get much of it in real life. I mean, imagine a man in real life saying this stuff to a group of women discussing the abuse at the hands of men. Women would avoid like the plague. Here, they get some engagement.

Exactly. I could post a photo of my BILs and claim it’s mine.

Protesting too much and offering proof that proves nothing is a clear sign of being full of shite.