to not have realised how abusive and horrible men were until I joined MN

[geoger]

Been on MN a while now and I must admit that it has really opened my eyes to how abusive and horrible some men are. I’m not ignorant, I know that men can be violent, controlling, abusive etc - I read loads, watch the news and documentaries but I just didn’t realise the depths of depravity some men reach. Every day there are threads where women are physically, emotionally, financially and sexually abused by their so called ‘d’ h/p that I find really worrying and distressing.
Some of these threads still play on my mind and I worry for the women who posted them.
I feel so stupid and naive and trusting. MN has really opened my eyes. Has anybody else experienced this worry for other women on here or am I just living in a bubble?
I know this is AIBU but please no bashing

The truly awful thing is that what I’m saying is true

child homicide perpetrators worldwide: a systemic review (Stockl et sl, BMJ, 2017)

OK, I admit it. I stole a random person's driving license.

Comprehension skills appear to be on par with the TRA's to be fair.

My family are not random people. I could easily post ‘evidence’ of 4 degrees, of which only 2 would be mine. I could also post ‘proof’ that I’m 44, 43, 28, 20 or 15 depending on which family members birth certificate I posted a photo of. Etc, etc.

Of course I wouldn’t post any of them because I’m not desperate to prove anything, because I’m not trying to prove that I’m not here with questionable intentions. You’re failing in that by the way. It’s easy to see what you are.

I'll ask again -> what do you think your astonishingly lacking in self-awareness posts are achieving here, other than making yourself look really, really silly?

Don't you wish when someone says they are going to leave a thread, they would fucking leave a thread.

I wish they wouldn't announce their departure in the first place, as if they're a bloody train.

I wish they didn’t arrive in the first place. 😂 Why don’t they realise when they’re making a dick of themselves?

Hear hear. There are a large number of toxic women, both on this site and IRL. Women aren't saints. Far fucking from it.

Indeed.

A lot of the posters on here struggle to understand it's not all about them. It's about providing the statistics and a balanced picture of the reality so people can make an informed decision.

Most women on this thread haven’t spoken about being abused.

The OP wasn’t ‘all my life ive experienced men being abusive shits’, it was ‘all my life i didn’t think men were all massive bastards, but now I've found mumsnet i realise they are’.

its nonsense

nobody here is saying that you dont get abusive men who do horrible things. And nobody is saying that we shouldnt do everything we can to stop it

but also women can be horrible and loads of them are. Does that mean i go around saying ‘ive just realised that women are emotional abusers..’ ? No, because it would be wrong. But loads if women i know do abusive things and i have plenty of friends in abusive relationships

you just have to look at female only friendship groups or female work environments to see the emotional bullying that goes on.

pretty much every teacher i know, and mum who has girls will say girls are horrible the way they treat eachother. Boys tend to be more violent and hit eachother more quickly, but girls psychologically bully and abuse eachother. That’s not a research based comment of mine, that’s what I’m told in parents evenings and conversations with other parents. I have a son and a daughter and i see gender differences there

and yeah there’s plenty of published research over the last 50yrs on the reciprocity of violence in relationships

But some women on this thread have disclosed they have been abused. So lets focus on them. So I ask you again, do you stand by your claim that 'most' women who are domestically abused are reciprocal abusers? Because if you do, you are saying that 'most' of the women on the thread who have disclosed abuse are abusers. Do you intend to double down on that, wriggle out of it with by arguing about something else, or retract it for the offensive nonsense it is?

Start your own thread then, because this one is about male behaviour.

Start your own thread then, because this one is about male behaviour.

Oh they have! Bashing women.

Maybe they’ll get the fuck if this one then.

I’m sure their thread is ‘interesting’. 🤣

Most women on this thread haven’t spoken about being abused.

Given that at least 1 in 5 women experience sexual assault - for starters - at the hands of a man, you don't really need every woman on the thread to lay out her experiences.

Sexual abuse, violence, domestic violence, emotional and mental and psychological abuse, are quite common. Victim blaming is abhorrent.

I don’t know what has happened with women posting on this that who are saying they have been abused, and neither do you. This is an Internet forum not a therapy session or a court of law. And even in those settings people get things wrong.

The evidence on reciprocal abuse in relationships is as long standing as it is unpalatable. this doesn’t mean that i am saying that people who report abuse on this thread are involved in reciprocally abusive relationships. It would be clearly as dishonest for me to say i knew that, as much as it would be dishonest for you to say you knew that it wasn’t

but we do know that it does happen and it sadly that it appears to be the norm

Every single woman I know well enough to have spoken about this topic has experienced some form of abuse from a man. My mother, grandmother, aunts, MIL, friends, past work colleagues. And me.

There are awful men and some pretty horrible women too - but as this is mumsnet it's more likely you will see threads about male behaviour. If you want to look at threads where men are bashing women then pop over to Reddit- plenty of such posts on the 'dead bedrooms' reddit - although 'some 'are such mysogonistic egocentric pricks that I have a chronic urge to reply 'and you wonder why your wife isn't interested'? Some people have a chronic lack of self awareness.

Do you realise how ridiculous you sound? Are you prone to exaggeration or is it just on this topic?

When you've got the resident hairy knuckled bridge dweller poster agreeing with you you should really take a good look at yourself.

It's hard to believe, even from this thread, which is more "men hating" than most, that this is what you get out of it.
If you think that anyone has suggested that certain people deserve to be gangraped, you need to report those individuals - I certainly would.

Tragic.

These posters have no comprehension of the enormous impact of male pattern aggression on women's lives, or that it's impact is further multiplied by economic, social, cultural and legal systems which continue to disadvantage women.

The inequalities are blindingly self-obvious to most women, because of the realities of our lives. You can spend your leisure hours continuing to misinterpret, or cherry pick and fail to contextualise, statistical information to make it say whatever you want, as any half competent 6th former can, but we'll all still know the truth: male aggression, violence and predatory behaviour towards women is an enormous social problem. Female aggression, violence and predatory behaviour towards males is not an enormous social problem.

Pretty much every violent, dangerous person is a man.

We all know this, we all adjust our behaviour to stay safe from men.

The statistics support this. 98/99% of sexual crime committed by men. approximately 95% of violent crime.

When it comes to domestic violence, 92% of prosecutions in the U.K. are against men. That is a fact.

It doesn't matter how many piles of data you have, without analysis it is meaningless. When you do look into what is actually going on, it is clear the domestic violence committed by men is on a completely different level to that committed by women.

You cannot say a woman attacking a man once leaving him without injury is the equivalent of him beating her up 20 times, leaving her with injuries. But that is what an analysis of the data would suggest is a typical scenario of reciprocal abuse.

No, women are not anything like as violent as men, including in relationships. I don't know why some people are so determined to prove they are.