Could you put up with this level of personal hygiene?

[podcastobsessed]

Since COVID my partner has been full time WFH so out of a steady routine. He consistently goes for 3/4 days without showering (doesn't have a wash at the sink or anything either as far as I'm aware). Showering on the 3rd day would actually be a good week. During covid I am pretty sure there was a time he didn't shower for almost 2 weeks with once a week being the norm. He doesn't do much exercise except walking and some gardening etc. He has improved after my "nagging" but when I bring it up at all now he shuts me down and tells me he's not a child and knows when to shower. If I do "nag" him, he will purposely go longer without showering. Many times he says he's going to shower tonight and I can tell he hasn't. He also sleeps naked and the thought of it makes me sick sharing a bed. Sex life is dying as I just don't want it anymore even when he has just showered as all I can think of is how disgusting he was before that. On top of this he smokes so I feel like the house / clothes smell of that too. I miss having a nice clean house. I'm not sure what I can do?! AIBU or neurotic here?

Same for us

I use water, soap and unscented deodorant. There’s a middle ground

Are you okay?

Yeah I use soap on the bits that matter (not my vulva!!) but the rest ends up having a good rinse only. I haven’t been rolling in mud so don’t need to scrub myself head to toe but need to have a rinse in a shower with pits, crotch, arse, neck and feet washed. No skin problems.

I am perfectly ok - just incensed that a female failed to look out for a partner during Covid and now whines. The story doesn't back up. I lived with no-one, no family as deceased and this woman had a partner and still continues to live with them - she has had plenty of time after to get rid but didn't. Why come on here and whine. She should be reported as just maybe this man needs mental help. Coming on here is control of the highest order or maybe on reflection it is a cry for help for them both. Someone needs to report this from Admin.

You need to go your own separate ways.

It's not just the lack of showering. You resent him and don't want to be intimate.

Unless he's got a mental health problem you want to nurse him through, it's time for a new relationahip.

Oh OP I could have written this about my ex. In fact after we had split up but stuck together in a house while sorting finances he would do the fucking utterly disgusting and cringey thing of just going and washing his genitals before he went to his girlfriends 🤮I knew exactly what he was doing as the shower wasn’t running and the bath wasn’t either. He never showered and it put me off but he twisted it on me too. Do yourself a favour and kick him to the curb, you deserve better.

She isn’t whining! Shes asking others if she is being unreasonable, it’s perfectly normal for her to question this.

It’s very easy to say she’s had plenty of time to get rid but in reality it’s the toughest thing to do.

You would only understand if you’ve been in that situation yourself.

Take a deep breath. Everything will be just fine.

@MMAS I'm not sure how the story doesn't back up from someone being out the house everyday to never at all to become lazy and not look after themselves? I'm not planning to get rid, trying to solve it. I'm also not whining rather than asking for some help to resolve the situation for me and my partner rather than just telling him to fuck off. Can't see what you think is controlling or abusive but I'm clearly not in your position, nor are you in mine and should stop suggesting "reporting me for abuse" as both your comments have done.

He sounds very like my late partner in his personal hygiene although he only bathed very rarely certainly not weekly and also smoked (he died of lung cancer).It didn't bother me but as it bothers you you need to make sure that he knows how much it does,maybe show him this thread.

Disgusting. If you love him (yuck) I'd give him an ultimatum: shower daily or I'm out of here. But the pattern will probably come back... think about him as an old man... they get smellier and lazier. Unless you're crazy in love with him for some reason, I'd say leave!! You're lucky there are no children. Run. There are many nice, clean men out there who enjoy daily showers.

Have you ever told him he whiffs and really turns you off? He's not a mind reader, tell him shame you havent noticed yourself but your breath, knob, pits, feet clothes the house etc really pong now it's gone on long enough....He's nose blind or ignorant.

No you arent being a nag. You are being walked over ... is he depressed? Anxious? or overly stressed? My husband didnt shower for days either. He ran his own business at one point, and his receptionist would come in twice a week. He would say things like "I'd better shower, cos my receptionist is here tomorrow." But wouldn't shower for me. Got to the stage where I wrote him a note cos he wouldn't listen to what I said. Thankfully that kinda got thru. Tho now he don't clean his teeth and his mouth smells!!! Think they go through this odd stage when they nearing men - opause.

Sorry but there is no need to shower every day if you’re sedentary, I don’t but I do wash my bits daily. I changed from showering every day during the pandemic but it has stuck with me. I don’t smell, I am not dirty. I use less water and soap than most of you which as well as heating of the water so it is better for the environment. My skin and hair are actually in better condition as showering daily dried it out. You mention he sleeps naked, if he’s making sheets dirty or smelly he needs to shower/wash more, if not he’s clean enough IMO. The smoking thing is different, if you hate it something needs to change for at least one of you.

I bet it take me less time to have a shower than it does for you to 'wash your bits'. I don't wash my hair everyday but I will hop in the shower and wash my body. Takes literally 2 minutes. It's just the most convenient way to wash my bits.

You may be right, but for me it isn’t about time, showering is personal choice for you and lots of others , neither choice is simply right or wrong. My point was anyone who doesn’t shower daily isn’t necessarily dirty.

Just wanted to add that I'm not trying to judge or give an opinion on others habits - you all know what works for you and are making an effort to actually be clean in whatever way suits you the difference is in the fact my partner doesn't even do that! And the bedsheets, clothes etc do smell, I'm changing the sheets constantly... I'm not just moaning for the sake of moaning as it's actually having an impact.

I go a couple of days between showers occasionally but I don't smoke. I couldn't share a bed with him and I definitely wouldn't want to be intimate

I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t match my basic personal hygiene standards. I wouldn’t need him to blow dry his hair or shave his legs, but I expect a daily shower, clean clothes - especially undies and socks, hair & teeth, deodorant and civilized toileting.
Because I don’t smoke, the smoking thing would be a total no.

Have you got another bedroom?

Having the luxury of a hot shower, something our elders would've loved, yet choosing to stay unclean is a strange one! Xx

Why on gods earth do you feel you have to justify why you don’t want a stinking, dirty man in your bed every night. It’s enough that for you it’s repellent, as it is for most of us.