Malapropisms

[CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines]

A number of us used to meet regularly every 6 weeks, and each time had to introduce ourselves by giving our name and title since there were sometimes new people at the meetings; and also to document who was in attendance in the minutes. There was a woman there who used to introduce herself every time as the “material” grandmother instead of maternal grandmother. Most of us at the meeting found her mistake amusing, but not in a mean way. I sometimes think back and wonder if I should have told her (privately) that she had it wrong. AIBU to have not said something at the time? Would it have been rude to? In a similar vein, when I was in elementary school, I used to believe the line in the Canadian national anthem, “Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee” was actually, “Oh Canada! We stand on GOD for thee.” Six-year-old me couldn’t figure out why anybody would stand on God. What a dumb thing to do. It wasn’t until the words were put on an overhead projector during assembly a couple of years later that I realised that the correct word was actually “guard.” I still cringe when I think about it.

Former HR person kept asking everyone to give details of their next of king.

My gran used to beat the cake mixture until it reached the right constituency.

My Grandma would often buy cake with “sympathetic cream” in it in the 80s.

I once had to have a quiet word with my boss when she kept saying “She’s so mad, honestly she’s epileptic”

I had a neighbour (English not her first language) who used to say “choose me” instead of “excuse me.” I knew her well enough to correct her without causing embarrassment or offence, so I did. The same neighbour used to say “parded” instead of “farted.” In this instance, she knew the word was wrong, but just thought it sounded more polite/less offensive.

I had a hairdresser who was saying how hungry she was and said she was ravishing (famished)

Six-year-old me couldn’t figure out why anybody would stand on God. What a dumb thing to do. It wasn’t until the words were put on an overhead projector during assembly a couple of years later that I realised that the correct word was actually “guard.” I still cringe when I think about it.

I love malapropisms and definitely have a few of my own but I can’t get over 8yo you cringing at 6yo you for the line “We stand on guard for thee” and you remembering it”, that is just too precocious.

At an awards ceremony somebody winning award for organising a large local mural called it a murial at least 7 times. How in the whole process has nobody corrected her.

Ravishing instead of ravenous?

Not quite a malapropism but a neighbour who'd lived in my Melbourne suburb since the 50s could recall when "echindas" could be seen walking up the road, instead of "echidnas". She mentioned this several times and always repeated the first version, so not a one-off.

I call them echindas to myself now.

My Nan used to buy her furniture at MI5.

This has made me smile thinking of my dear old grandma and her “semi-skilled” milk…

When my grandma was cooking in her tiny kitchen she used to complain about the "condescension" when it steamed up!

This isn't funny really but I know several people who talk about men having "prostrate" cancer . . . .

Like Hilda Ogden in Coronation Street! 😆(Maybe I'm showing my age there!)

One of my favourite malapropisms is from many years ago, the dissident from the Soviet Union who defecated to the West...

An elderly lady from my craft group informed us that her GP had referred her to a major hospital for tests but she didn't know what the tests were for or what was involved.

Trying to be helpful, a retired nurse asked her which department she had been referred to and was rather startled to be told it was the "scientology department"!!!!

As this was the same lady who used to tell us about the trouble she suffered with her "various" veins (instead of varicose veins) we shouldn't have been so surprised 🤔

When I was very little I called it “Condemnation”!

Just remembered another one . . . .

My friend's grandma described the issues in Northern Ireland as "trouble between Catholics and prostitutes" 😶

My lovely friend comes out with many.

My favourite is Instantinople.

My mother used to moan about my brother playing on his Intendo all the time.

My mother also used to lament about all the waves and strays on the streets. She didn't take kindly to being corrected, "that's what I said!" I think malapropisms are amusing

I have colleagues that insist on saying “it’s a mind field” rather than minefield. And “pacific” instead of “specific”.

Many years ago, when I was working at the DHSS (fore-runner to DWP) I received a call from a woman enquiring about her "infidelity (invalidity) benefit".

Not sure if it's malapropisms, but I got an email yesterday giving me a 'hedge up' on my delivery.

A few years ago, my receptionist emailed to tell me that the staff I was looking for were found in a box in Cape Town. She meant stuff, but I still chuckle when I think about it. 😂

I was once in a meeting with someone who claimed that they didn’t want to be made the ‘escape goat’ and have never forgotten it 🤣