Malapropisms

[CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines]

A number of us used to meet regularly every 6 weeks, and each time had to introduce ourselves by giving our name and title since there were sometimes new people at the meetings; and also to document who was in attendance in the minutes. There was a woman there who used to introduce herself every time as the “material” grandmother instead of maternal grandmother. Most of us at the meeting found her mistake amusing, but not in a mean way. I sometimes think back and wonder if I should have told her (privately) that she had it wrong. AIBU to have not said something at the time? Would it have been rude to? In a similar vein, when I was in elementary school, I used to believe the line in the Canadian national anthem, “Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee” was actually, “Oh Canada! We stand on GOD for thee.” Six-year-old me couldn’t figure out why anybody would stand on God. What a dumb thing to do. It wasn’t until the words were put on an overhead projector during assembly a couple of years later that I realised that the correct word was actually “guard.” I still cringe when I think about it.

New fave: frogs born, instead of frogs spawn.

An assistant in Marks and Spencer’s beauty hall advised me to “cut a baby muslim in half” when I couldn’t find any face cloths.

Which I thought might be a bit harsh.

My mother: I never understand what counts as an orgasm (organism).

My mum was the Queen of this. She once ordered a giraffe of wine in a restaurant.
We were raised as catholics and often at church instead of offering a sign of peace ( as in shaking hands with your neighbour and saying Peace Be With You), she would say Pleased To Meet You.
As kids we would giggle so much, alleviating the boredom of church.

That's child cruelty . . . worse than a member of my family who told their small child that if they repeated their bad behaviour they would have to sit on the naughty step "one year for every minute of your life" . . . . .

😂

Snake and pigmy pie, Dangerous pastries...
Also DS used to say romantic doors, romantic taps (automatic).

Do you work in the NHS? My relative says that. She also says, from the gecko, instead of get go.

Oh forgot another one my MIL again … and before the meal at the wedding they had just someone going round with .. cannabis ( canapés)
Some wedding!

HelenaWaiting · Today 08:23

Many years ago, when I was working at the DHSS

You've just reminded me of this ditty:

A lot of these are examples of verbal dyslexia. Where letters/sounds of a word get said out of order rather than people not knowing the correct word.

In the early 2000's an ex-colleague of mine told me she overheard her Irish granny relaying the story of Daniella Westbrook's struggles with cocaine.... "Jesus would you believe it her scrotum just FELL OUT!"

A lady I worked with years ago used to say "ambidextrous" when she actually meant "bisexual". I'm not sure if it was a genuine error or if it was a sort of polite innuendo.

When my son was learning for his driving theory test he kept saying hazard preception (which isn't even a word AFAIK) instead of perception. We kept correcting him and he'd say "I know, I know" but couldn't seem to help doing it. He's quite clever but just seemed to have a mental/verbal block with that word.

This is verbal dyslexia. Other examples would be saying words in odd orders.

My DGM's friend used to say 'under the circumcises' instead of circumstances. Also 'various veins'.
DDad's friend used to say he had 'no symphony for him' instead of sympathy.
Old lady we knew said her tv had 'intervention' instead of interference.
DH's friend said 'evasive surgery' instead on invasive. Also says 'tampole' instead of tadpole. In fact, he says so many malapropisms DH keeps a record.

I knew someone whose colleague was an absolute goldmine for malapropisms. His favourite was a story this person had told about having tea with someone and reporting back that they’d enjoyed 'a very congenital afternoon'.

Hallelujah in songs was always sung “ah lay loo lah” for someone in our class. Always sung with such enthusiasm and at full volume.

Not a malapropism but many years ago my son played the jester in a school play packed full of spoonerisms. One of his lines was 'I have a funny healing in my fart'.
We still use it to this day.

Was the sentence fixed at the beginning, or was an extra year added for every minute she was sitting there?

Well it's a doggy dog world, and if you don't think that, you've got another thing coming.

RenoDakota · Today 10:52

Not a malapropism but many years ago my son played the jester in a school play packed full of spoonerisms.

You need to be careful with Spoonerisms, which I did with my daughter from an early age. Aged 5, she asked if we could watch Nanny Fuck Me...

Papa, don’t preach, I’m in trouble deep
Papa, don’t preach, I’ve been losing sleep

For ages, when I was young, I thought the words were actually “Papa dawn peach.”

I'm getting old, so fall over my tongue sometimes. Watching Homeland, was a bit shocked at the language, especially how an epic cock up is a "fustercluck". Which I think is better than the original.
Also, when discussing the bad taste of Meghan flaunting expensive dresses and jewellery in a poor country, where many are "subsidence" farmers.....

I’ve posted these examples before, but worth a mention. A former neighbour told me she thought the worst part of giving birth was the anemone (enema), that a friend had hurt his leg and the doctor advised him to rub ‘horse ligament’ on it and that an acquaintance had fitted a dildo rail all the way up the stairs.

Aww...when Dd was 3 and her dad was supervising her in the shower and told her to make sure she washes her vagina and she replied 'No daddy it's PA-gina' with a big emphasis on PA and sighed like he was stupid. I had to duck into the bedroom to stifle my laugh.