Malapropisms

[CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines]

A number of us used to meet regularly every 6 weeks, and each time had to introduce ourselves by giving our name and title since there were sometimes new people at the meetings; and also to document who was in attendance in the minutes. There was a woman there who used to introduce herself every time as the “material” grandmother instead of maternal grandmother. Most of us at the meeting found her mistake amusing, but not in a mean way. I sometimes think back and wonder if I should have told her (privately) that she had it wrong. AIBU to have not said something at the time? Would it have been rude to? In a similar vein, when I was in elementary school, I used to believe the line in the Canadian national anthem, “Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee” was actually, “Oh Canada! We stand on GOD for thee.” Six-year-old me couldn’t figure out why anybody would stand on God. What a dumb thing to do. It wasn’t until the words were put on an overhead projector during assembly a couple of years later that I realised that the correct word was actually “guard.” I still cringe when I think about it.

Maybe he worked in Wetherspoons..............

Yes, the poster confirmed it was certificates!

That yrnt one is strange - did he say "wire net" in a very condensed sort of way?

I do have excellent spelling and grammar, I also tend to proof read although the odd typo sneaks in, but I still thought INXS was Inks until I heard it said out loud, nothing to do with spelling and grammar! This is such a fun thread, don't spoil it!

I work for the NHS and our incident reporting software is called Datix. It's often a word we hate as it usually means something has gone wrong!

As a morale improving exercise the NHS have something called Greatix, obviously a play on Datix. You use it to compliment colleagues, teams etc and in our team they happen once a month in a weekly meeting.

First time I mentioned it I called it Brexit in error, which my colleagues found amusing so now I always call Brexit.

My husband always calls Alzheimers Old Timers!

Hilda Ogden. How could you not remember her name?!?!

I thought the same of INXS - didn't realise it was effectively IN-XS for a while.

Yes, I thought it was short for 'in excess'.

Just had “genetic” instead of “generic” in a meeting. <sigh>

While we're on spoonerisms ... what about Trevor MacDonald who managed to mangle "the Kent countryside". Oh dear.

Oh - and we always had sustificates for good work

As a child, I thought the 'Free Church' meant one which you don't have to pay to attend. I was a bit puzzled, as. apart from the collection, you don't usually have to pay to go to church.

Surely dismorphia is just a misspelling of dysmorphia, i.e., a word that exists?

Yes, as @Scampuss says, dysmorphia is a word, as in body dysmorphia.

This is why it's better to just on your hands rather than correct other people's SPAG because no one is immune from making mistakes.

This is why it's better to just on your hands rather than correct other people's SPAG because no one is immune from making mistakes.

Muphry's Rule usually applies!

I think it was.

‘Dysmorphia’ is a word.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/dysmorphia

As in BDD

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/body-dysmorphia/

While we're on about Madonna songs... I was convinced the line in Like A Prayer, which actually says
"Let the choir sing"
was Madonna with a briefly acquired speech impediment singing
"Level cwossing" which is even worse when you consider the complete lack of relevance to the rest of the song.

'Level cwossing' 🤣🤣🤣

I currently have a second colleague (both senior to me) who pronounces the word 'eligible' as 'illegible' - and in my line of work (medical) that makes a difference.

Decapitated coconut

Oh goddess, I have that from some colleagues. Illegible expenditure is a regular feature of my working day.

Illegible expenditure sounds like a new term for a dodgy cheque! 😄

My freind bless him uses some scorchers;
Fumid for humid
Beethoven for Betnovate
Klasco or Klasco for cholesterol
Antichrists for anarchists
Corvoisier for covonia
Metatrax for methotrexate
My Nan called sterilized milk paralyzed
DD says Fogging me off for fobbing off.

To be fair, it does sound very like level crossing!

That’s bad 🙂. But sorry, “Papa dawn peach, I’m in trouble deep” is worse. There aren’t any signs of any peaches in the music video, but that didn’t stop me gleefully belting it out every chance I got; it was my favourite song for ages.

These posts about misheard lyrics make me think of Manfred Mann's cover of Blinded By The Light, a whole song's worth of malapropisms!