Malapropisms

[CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines]

A number of us used to meet regularly every 6 weeks, and each time had to introduce ourselves by giving our name and title since there were sometimes new people at the meetings; and also to document who was in attendance in the minutes. There was a woman there who used to introduce herself every time as the “material” grandmother instead of maternal grandmother. Most of us at the meeting found her mistake amusing, but not in a mean way. I sometimes think back and wonder if I should have told her (privately) that she had it wrong. AIBU to have not said something at the time? Would it have been rude to? In a similar vein, when I was in elementary school, I used to believe the line in the Canadian national anthem, “Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee” was actually, “Oh Canada! We stand on GOD for thee.” Six-year-old me couldn’t figure out why anybody would stand on God. What a dumb thing to do. It wasn’t until the words were put on an overhead projector during assembly a couple of years later that I realised that the correct word was actually “guard.” I still cringe when I think about it.

My mum’s favourite chicken was deep fried from JFK rather than KFC

My lovely Gran used to buy long range eggs (free range, Gran!) and do her charitable giving through Carrefour. She meant Cafod, the Catholic charity, not the French supermarket! She also once asked for a bottle of Frenchman's Creek wine for a gift and my parents spent forever searching for it only to discover she meant Jacob's Creek...

😂

Not a malapropism but you've reminded me of an occasion when we visited a farm and they had 'free range eggs' for sale . . . one of the children in our family group thought we didn't need to pay for the 'range eggs'!

These are absolutely brilliant!

I have a couple from German colleagues speaking in English 'I wouldn't touch it with a tadpole' (instead of bargepole), and 'We're preaching to the convicted'.

Very embarrassingly, I only realised recently that I pronounced 'trattoria', based on the episode in Hi de Hi where Gladys gets taken to Tony's Trattoria by the team, and without fail she pronounces it 'Trattatoria'. I have always pronounced it like Gladys without realising!

A friend of my friends nan who was talking about her grandson hunchbacking around New Zealand

School put out a message saying “for all intensive purposes”

A dyslexic friend had immense difficulty in 2020 learning to say "Covid" instead of "corvid". He's now having equal difficulty in learning not to call the birds "covids".

"Rest bite" is a malapropism often seen on MN.

And the unrivalled “Chester draws”

My grandmother 'I've got some sweets in my glove department if you want one!'

And 'I'll always get everyone a collection box for xmas'.

I mean, I made a similar mistake in church the other day when leading prayer for an entire room full of people...

Nearly died and trying to correct said mistake just made things worse 🤦🏻‍♀️

One of the small children in our family was obsessed with 'In the Night Garden' and had a collection of the toys which they used to take when visiting a very elderly relative who used to admire their "Dinky Bonk"!!!

That is so funny 😄

Ravenous? Brilliant though

Or ravenous.

Well, as long as you don't announce the hymn as "Let angels prostate fall" you'll be alright . . . .

Any instruction booklet was always referred to as the 'destructions' in our house.

Risk adverse

My favourite from the late great Terry Pratchett - casting asparagus (aspersions)

DH and I always used to refer to the place we had IVF as the futility clinic.

DD & her pal used to hunt in "every crook and nanny"

My MIL has form for this, taking about a friends daughter…… …
she does that wet swimming is her most recent
She liked a cup of chinos when out for coffee.

We have that one too!

I’ve heard “Casting Nasturtiums”!

I had a speech issue when younger, and it still rears its head occasionally and words come out wrong.

Like shoulder and soldier (when telling someone to put their rifle in their shoulder...)