Malapropisms

[CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines]

A number of us used to meet regularly every 6 weeks, and each time had to introduce ourselves by giving our name and title since there were sometimes new people at the meetings; and also to document who was in attendance in the minutes. There was a woman there who used to introduce herself every time as the “material” grandmother instead of maternal grandmother. Most of us at the meeting found her mistake amusing, but not in a mean way. I sometimes think back and wonder if I should have told her (privately) that she had it wrong. AIBU to have not said something at the time? Would it have been rude to? In a similar vein, when I was in elementary school, I used to believe the line in the Canadian national anthem, “Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee” was actually, “Oh Canada! We stand on GOD for thee.” Six-year-old me couldn’t figure out why anybody would stand on God. What a dumb thing to do. It wasn’t until the words were put on an overhead projector during assembly a couple of years later that I realised that the correct word was actually “guard.” I still cringe when I think about it.

I have to think very carefully before saying 'adaptation' because to me it has always been 'adaption'.

Love the Daniella Westbrook one 😁

As CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines says, songs can be a good source!

Anyone remember this?

I thought for ages that the chorus was "Eff off!"

An ex-colleague was bad for this. These are all his:

(Yes I took notes. It was a boring job)

he had a sickly baby and said he had to walk around with a Muslim constantly on his shoulder.

"Oh sorry, I diverse"

“Someone is going to get rimmed for this” (Is that a punishment or a reward?)

“I’d like to get a bit of perspection on that.”

Talking about the onions in the canteen curry – I said it tasted like it had been made with picked onions, not fresh, and he said in a patronising tone, “Don’t you mean culottes?”

Eff off, Eff off
You’ve got a smiling face

Love it!

CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines

I was also pleased to know that I'm far from the only one who thought that Hot Chocolate sang, "I believe in Milko!" (Not miracles).

Me and my dad used to do spoonerisms of bands and artists whilst taping the top 40 (yep old!)

All was going well until we got to Bucks Fizz.... at 8/9 years of age I thought it was the funniest thing ever!

MIL once referred in all seriousness to the Hanging Baskets of Babylon.

Also in Stacey Lattisaw’s Jump to the Beat, there’s a bit where she’s repeatedly saying ‘go ahead, go ahead’ in a crescendo. My cousin always used to sing along at the top of his voice but he thought she was saying ‘no hair’. We all let him.

And DH had a client who couldn’t remember the word ‘simplify’ and instead said ‘decomplexificating’, which is still in regular use in our house.

Cause we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

Not exactly a malapropism — but when I was young, I also used to think that the above lyrics referred to an actual girl made of cloth living in a world made of cloth.

I once referred to a company called the Black Sheep Craft Bakery as the Black Shaft Creep Bakery. Which my family has never let me forget.

Also, when my cousin was 5, the teacher at her school identified her as cross-dominant (what many people refer to as ambidextrous). My mother insisted on prefacing this with "a" - "She's a cross-dominant".

Which made her sound like an angry dominatrix.

I worked with someone who would say "I'm ravished" when she was hungry, but she was just jokingly mixing ravenous with famished to make ravished, so it was a deliberate malapropism for comic effect.

I had a friend who would often tell me that something was not "conductive" to something else. She meant conducive. Tbf I could sort of see where she was going.

Misheard lyrics have their own name - not malapropisms but "Mondegreenes" 😁

Elderly aunt would proudly declare she had been cleaning the skirping (skirting) boards.
She also got a new warped (wrought) iron garden gate.

Or my nans ‘casting nasturtiums’ she was also partial to reading ‘pear tree’ (poetry)

honeylulu "A lady I worked with years ago used to say "ambidextrous" when she actually meant "bisexual". I'm not sure if it was a genuine error or if it was a sort of polite innuendo."

My mother used to say that too, but as a joke.

I had an email from a senior manager..for all intensive porpoises.

It could have spell check.

I’m in Ireland, Orla is a very common name. spell check changes it every time.

Oh so did my lovely Great Aunt Maud! 💜

My sister in law was the queen of malapropisms. She once complained of stranglers at a party....I think/hope she meant stragglers. Babygrows were babygroves, compensation on the windows, infidelity benefit (invalidity). One memorable one....she was explaining that her husband was poorly with shingles....apparently it was all down his pevis and right ball.

There was an OP on here a few days ago who had had a fever that she kept saying had made her 'delusional' when she actually meant 'delirious'.

Ironically she was upset because her boyfriend hadn't left the hotel they were at in the middle to drive an hour round trip to get her an aspirin. So in that sense she was not only delirious but, indeed, delusional.

Mine did too. Wonder if they were under cupboard ...

I'll get my coat ...

Someone I know heard a couple on a train discussing a new car which apparently had all the Belgian Whistles ( bells and whistles)

@TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit

I'm laughing at the missing "staff" being found in a box at Cape Town 🤣

My friend, English is his second language but he's lived here for 20+ years. He was telling us about ringing in sick to his job because he was constipated. He'd done this a few times over the years...

He meant congested

I have a colleague at work who uses illegible instead of eligible.

'No you're not illegible for that until you're 65yrs'