Malapropisms

[CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines]

A number of us used to meet regularly every 6 weeks, and each time had to introduce ourselves by giving our name and title since there were sometimes new people at the meetings; and also to document who was in attendance in the minutes. There was a woman there who used to introduce herself every time as the “material” grandmother instead of maternal grandmother. Most of us at the meeting found her mistake amusing, but not in a mean way. I sometimes think back and wonder if I should have told her (privately) that she had it wrong. AIBU to have not said something at the time? Would it have been rude to? In a similar vein, when I was in elementary school, I used to believe the line in the Canadian national anthem, “Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee” was actually, “Oh Canada! We stand on GOD for thee.” Six-year-old me couldn’t figure out why anybody would stand on God. What a dumb thing to do. It wasn’t until the words were put on an overhead projector during assembly a couple of years later that I realised that the correct word was actually “guard.” I still cringe when I think about it.

My Mil used to give pacific instructions for cooking/gardening, you name it.

Infuriating!

Adjacent to this, my late ex-MIL overheard my XH talking about Sharia Law, and interjected, ‘Were you at school with her?’

I used to think she was saying she was a rag doll! Because in Barbie Girl, she's a barbie girl in a barbie world...so I thought Material Girl was the ragdoll equivalent

What?! No Chester Drawers yet? That's a classic.

Some really cute and funny examples here! I liked 'from the Gecko,' instead of 'from the get-go.' 😆

Great thread. Thank you @CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines

And pre Madonna...

A previous manager used to say things had 'disappeared into the ethos' rather than the ether.

This thread has been a lovely walk down memory lane. My df used quite a few of these tongue in cheek, and often to get a gentle rise out of my dm who couldn’t not correct him every time. My granny had a few arising from her Irish language roots as well and resisted any attempts at correction as “that’s just the aul’ English” as if it were an entirely different language altogether. DM really was besieged on all sides.

@Ponoka7 I do not, so there most be more than one escape goat out there!

My auntie loved that her new house had an end sweet as well as a main bathroom.

Posted too soon. Also know someone who's currently writing their will and spending a long time deliberating over who should be their executioner. I can say "executor?" And she'll say "yes, executioner" like she can't hear they are two different words

Yes, we cast nasturtiums in this house.

I love this one, so cute and makes total sense.

😂😂😂

I thought the second line was "Papa don't preach, I'm in losing street"!

When horses canter they 'lead' with a front leg and the rest follows in sequence, sometimes they get their legs mixed up and you end up with something rather bumpy and odd as the legs don't follow the correct sequence with half on one lead and half on the other- it's called dis-united.

While talking to a friend they referred to the horse having trouble with the right hand lead - and how it was the horse kept giving 'bisexual' canter instead of disunited...... It has forever been referred to as bisexual canter since that day.

Yes, my son has dyslexia/a speech disorder and delay- he knows how to correctly pronounce words, he just randomly doesn’t do it correctly. He can say a word correctly and then incorrectly in 2 different ways in the same sentence.

Pacific /specific he never gets right, even though he knows.

I had a friend who thought the No Doubt lyric 'Don't speak' was 'nose bleed'.

Never even queried how it made no sense whatsoever.

My dad used to say 'casting nasturtiums' too.

Once when a colleague returned from her honeymoon, our boss sent everyone an email urging us to congratulate her on consummating her marriage.

Not quite the same but I've noticed a weird trend recently, including on here, where people mix tenses for example 'that report needs done' 'sofa for sale, needs gone by the weekend' - even my manager does it!

I think that might be an Irish thing- my best friend is from Belfast and she says that’s the normal arrangement of words.

Dh’s aunt wanted a conservative ( conservatory)on the back of her house.
And a flan was always a flange.

Dd, aged 5, sang Away in a manger no crisp for a bed.

My dm says wap for wok.

It wasn’t until I was about thirty that I realised a chimney wasn’t a chimley, even now I find the word chimney odd!
I even used to sing chim chimely, chim chimely along with dick van dyke 😂

This thread has brought up a sweet memory of a much loved aunt who had quite a few mispronunciations. The most memorable was the use of sustificates instead of certificates.
I miss her.

I'm not sure if these are malapropisms. My DM would mix up sayings that meant more or less the same thing and come up with something that made no sense whatsoever so if there was something she absolutely didn't want to do she'd say "it'll be a cold day in China first" instead of it'll be a cold day in Hell or not for all the tea in China.