3 ‘baby mums’…. Instant red flag??

[Lilysienna1]

As the title says…. Would you continue talking with a man you’ve met (in person) if he told you he has 5 children with 3 women? (Youngest is a one year old, oldest is 16.)

From what he has said, the relationship he has with the mothers of his children is amicable, and he has all 5 of them (3 with 1 mum, then one each with the other 2) every other weekend and pays child support for all 5.

Bearing in mind, I have 3 children with my ex, so I feel like a hypocrite for even wondering if there is something just a bit off… that with 3 women things didn’t work out, that he has had the last 2 children fairly early into each relationship and that the youngest is only 1, and that relationship ended 6 months ago…. Red flag or second date…

You even need to ask? What do you think was wrong with the first three women in his life?

Second date if you fancy being number 4, and having 2 "baby dads".

Otherwise, run away. He's the common denominator in three failed relationships with children involved. It's unlikely that all three women were just so awful to him he had to leave them.

well that's a stupid thing to say

It really is it's a disability slur ,look it up...How is my comment more offensive?

This. Sounds like hell and you need to give your head a wobble for even considering a second date.

I mean, I have 3dc to three men (and I do realise that would be a red flag 🚩 for some men!) So I wouldn’t necessarily judge. However, it’s the age of the dc that would give me pause. My youngest is 17, and I’ve changed and grown a lot in the intervening years. His baby is still only a year, so I feel like he hasn’t really had the space to move on / change / reflect, he’s just jumping into another relationship.

That guy is a walking relationship disaster. Move on.

I would steer clear..

Again another disability slur " can be a bit thick ?.... Seriously stop you are digging yourself a hole ....I didn't mean to put the disabled people.

No it’s not a slur for the disabled: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/stupid language evolves, and not in any of our lifetimes (including no doubt the overly woke American university you’ve picked this rubbish up from) has stupid been a term we’ve associated exclusively with disabled people. Your comment is offensive because it implies only disabled people can be stupid. We can all be stupid at time, ALL of us.

Anyway, back to the thread…

This!

I just couldn't be with someone so laissez-faire about family planning though tbh. I'm too boring and sensible to consider it worth the disruption.

Would it be a red flag, if a guy asked the same question? Or would he be called an insensitive prick?

Stupid and thick is definitely a disability slur ...So rant to yourself about that one.Back to thread indeed.

Absolutely not.

No. Everyone is entitled to not have 8 children in their lives. Nothing insensitive about it.

1 fine
2 possible but not great
3 no way

I might. He obviously has a certain appeal! Bit don't expect much.

This question has more or less been asked upthread and many of us have answered we think it would be a red flag in women too.

I have brothers and male friends who either have no kids or kids with just one woman . They have good jobs, earn well and are generally responsible - if any came to me asking about a woman with 3 kids by 3 men I would certainly not call them insensitive pricks. I’d applaud them for thinking twice.

It would be up to him of course but if he has been so careful with his life choices and who they procreate with my advice would be to think hard before coupling up with someone who has had such a different approach, and to be aware of the potential impact on them and any kids they have.

And in the case of being a stepdad he may be expected to contribute financially for the kids.

Well it wouldn't appeal to me, no. Especially not if I wanted more children myself. I suppose it's okay to make assumptions about him and tell women to steer clear if you'd say the same thing to men about a woman with children by several men.

Some of them will be irresponsible, feckless, rubbish at commitment, serial shaggers, a nightmare to live with, impulsive, naive, and have poor judgement generally when it comes to choosing who not to use birth control with.

Others will be decent people who have just been incredibly unlucky.

That applies to men and women.

However nice he was you’d be a long way down in his list of priorities - and if you weren’t, he would not be nice

It would not be my first choice, but would depend on the circumstances. For example, if his first two wives had died tragically and the third ran off with the milkman it's not at all the same to me as if he'd had three one night stands and couldn't be bothered with condoms. I would certainly want to know the reasons.

I do personally know several people, male and female, who have children with multiple partners and I know their circumstances and don't judge them.

Depends a lot with the context . Above all depends on the relationship he has with his children and if he can afford them .
my friend has 3 children with 3 different dads , first one she was 16 so never together , second passed away early 30 s and she divorced the 3rd because he cheated , I wouldn’t judge her at all .

You can't be serious. I'd run for the hills so hard I'd probably have a heart attack on the way.

Absolutely. However, I'd also probably be remarking "How very unusual for a woman to have five children with three different men and have left all three men to raise those children without her. Because I've never heard of a woman walking away from three separate households of children before."