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Original poster

3 ‘baby mums’…. Instant red flag??

354 replies

Lilysienna1 · 13/05/2024 20:23

As the title says…. Would you continue talking with a man you’ve met (in person) if he told you he has 5 children with 3 women? (Youngest is a one year old, oldest is 16.)

From what he has said, the relationship he has with the mothers of his children is amicable, and he has all 5 of them (3 with 1 mum, then one each with the other 2) every other weekend and pays child support for all 5.

Bearing in mind, I have 3 children with my ex, so I feel like a hypocrite for even wondering if there is something just a bit off… that with 3 women things didn’t work out, that he has had the last 2 children fairly early into each relationship and that the youngest is only 1, and that relationship ended 6 months ago…. Red flag or second date…

OP posts:
Misthios · 14/05/2024 08:16

Have you read any of the dozens of threads about the joys of "blended families"? Run for the hills!!

Floppyelf · 14/05/2024 08:17

StormingNorman · 13/05/2024 20:25

Wouldn’t touch him with the shitty end of a 10ft barge pole 🚩

Edited

😂

DownWithThisKindOfThing · 14/05/2024 08:17

Cbljgdpk · 13/05/2024 20:27

3 exs to deal with?! No way.

This!

AngelinaFibres · 14/05/2024 08:19

Read some of the ex partner Christmas thread logistics/ trauma/ drama on here and imagine what presents/ access/ arriving,leaving at odd times throughout the festive period/ etc etc would be like with 8 children ,his ex partners ,your ex partner ( your ex partners new partner and any new children / existing children there). There are ways to make your life and the life of your children, lovely. Being involved with this man is not one of them.

Abeona · 14/05/2024 08:22

Missimperfection · 13/05/2024 21:37

One week later and so quick to jump into another relationship, doesn't sound like you are any different ethier ,in a sense of jumping from relationship to another.

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Meeting someone online and maybe having a date doesn't constitute a relationship. What a strange thing to say.

PollyPeachum · 14/05/2024 08:22

OP You do not say what you are looking for. Husband, LTR or a friend.
You obviously found him attractive, you enjoyed the time spent chatting to him.

He might well be fun for a few dates and introduce you to another circle of people.
Why not go on a date with him if you have no other offers. Check your contraception and have condoms ready to use.

FuckTheClubUp · 14/05/2024 08:26

StarsBeneathMyFeet · 13/05/2024 21:57

Yup he ghosted me around the time I stumbled across my OH. We went on a date 10 days later. Weren’t ‘official’ for another 8 weeks after that but I didn’t date or message anyone else from the point I agreed to go out with him! I’m hardly use them and lose them, I was married for 15 years and went on a grand total 7 dates (5 guys) before I met my OH 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Don’t feel you have to explain yourself, that’s literally how OLD works! Even if you were talking with multiple people, that’s what the majority do until they’re exclusive with one person

Hankunamatata · 14/05/2024 08:28

I guess I would judge as he hasn't prioritised the kids he already had (the oldest 3) and went on to have more.

LittleMonks11 · 14/05/2024 08:28

Feels to me like you'd be left holding another one of his babies.

Computer says no.

WoshPank · 14/05/2024 08:28

It would be a no from me, to anything other than a very casual relationship.

There isn't any way he could manage 5 kids to 3 mothers that would be attractive to me. If he's not a very involved father, that in itself is offputting. Too irresponsible to be able to build anything with. If he is an involved father, that's great but I wouldn't want to involve myself with someone who has that level of baggage. I don't see how he'd have room for me.

Naunet · 14/05/2024 08:32

StSwithinsDay · 13/05/2024 22:14

As a matter of interest would posters feel the same about a woman who has children with 3 different fathers?

A mother with 5 children by 3 different men who only saw them every other weekend, including her 1 year old? Yes, I would feel the same, in fact I think she’d be judged harder by society than this man. Why do you ask? Just policing any possible double standards and making sure we’re all being ‘fair’ to men?

orangegato · 14/05/2024 08:35

How embarrassing and depressing for your existing 3 kids. I’d be mortified if I was suddenly step sibling to 5!!!! random kids with random women. Shudder.

Yep, fuck no.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 14/05/2024 08:40

@Lilysienna1 the very fact that you are posting this means that it is a red flag to you!!! get rid of him before you become the 4th flag!

MeridianB · 14/05/2024 08:44

No way. As others have said, even if - IF - he’s a decent guy, the logistics and risk of an angry ex or bad/mis-matched parenting issues are a nightmare.

Major red flag that his youngest is one. Especially as he already split with two partners before and would have seen what that did to the older children.

He either doesn’t know or care about contraception or he thinks he’s some kind cool ‘baby daddy’ just filling the world with his offspring. Either way it’s a huge turn off.

Beekeepingmum · 14/05/2024 08:45

No way would I be "baby mum 4". Run run run. Three sets of drama, three sets of admin etc etc. Knowing that he will probably move on again...

Missimperfection · 14/05/2024 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

How you calling me stupid ?Do you know me personally? I would have waited a few months to meet someone else....I am not talking about chatting to people OLD....Keep your sarcastic comments to yourself.

JosiePosey · 14/05/2024 08:48

Lilysienna1 · 13/05/2024 20:23

As the title says…. Would you continue talking with a man you’ve met (in person) if he told you he has 5 children with 3 women? (Youngest is a one year old, oldest is 16.)

From what he has said, the relationship he has with the mothers of his children is amicable, and he has all 5 of them (3 with 1 mum, then one each with the other 2) every other weekend and pays child support for all 5.

Bearing in mind, I have 3 children with my ex, so I feel like a hypocrite for even wondering if there is something just a bit off… that with 3 women things didn’t work out, that he has had the last 2 children fairly early into each relationship and that the youngest is only 1, and that relationship ended 6 months ago…. Red flag or second date…

I wouldn't touch that with someone elses.

Peachy2005 · 14/05/2024 08:56

Sorry if he has had bad luck but red flag for me. Loveliest person I know has 3 kids by 3 different dads and it’s bloody complicated as far as I can see. How could it not be? If a good chunk of all the kids are quite young, it sounds like too many children between you.

Missimperfection · 14/05/2024 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You need to delete this comment calling people "stupid",is Ableism which is offensive to the disabled people.

Channellingsophistication · 14/05/2024 08:58

red flag definitely - he has had such a recent relationship breakdown if they had a baby and he’s already out looking for the next woman. Amazing he can find time for dating with three exes to co-ordinate with 5 DCs!

whatkatysdoingnow · 14/05/2024 08:58

I'm not interested in being a stepmum personally, but three with one woman doesn't sound like a red flag - sometimes relationships don't work out.

However, another two early on with two other women? Either he refuses to wear condoms (which diseases is Sir Shags-A-Lot carrying?) or he has Super Sperm (no condom can stop them).

I think the second two children are the red flags.

Taking on five children is a lot (if you date a parent, that will eventually happen) but as you have three yourself, that sounds like an absolute nightmare. How will you ever afford a home big enough for both the children who are living with you permanently and the children who you don't want to make feel unwelcome and pushed out?

I'm a high earner, and a nine-bedroom home is so far out of reach for me that I can't even see it.

FluffyJellyCat · 14/05/2024 08:58

Furrydogmum · 14/05/2024 07:24

I think 8 children between you would be hard going, and the 3 exes and juggling all the related balls would get old very fast!

I'd think about this angle too. If your only interested in chatting and a casual relationship where you don't move in together and dont share any kind of childcare. Imagine the drama x 8 of normal kids and their normal issues ( sick, clubs, homework, friendship issues, school issues etc).

But I do think how well did he know mummy number 3 before he got her pregnant? Doesn't sounds like a long term thinker.

I wouldn't personally because he has hopped from a stable relationship into two shorter ones having kids in recent terms. But if I was willing to give it bash I'd have a sterilisation first as he is absolutely not father material is he? Bit of fun maybe, mummy number 4 fuck no

Peachy2005 · 14/05/2024 09:01

Think I’d judge him for not having the snip by now too!

Jadedbuthappy82 · 14/05/2024 09:06

thebestinterest · 14/05/2024 00:25

Why did it end?

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He was just really honest with me from the start and said his life was very much work and his children and that he didn't have much to offer in terms of a relationship as he had very little spare time. I respected his openness and honesty from the start as I'd previously been physically abused by one partner then cheated on by the next...

So we just stayed friends but he's the loveliest bloke, devoted to his children and making a lovely home for them. Eldest has chosen to live with him and I expect the little two will as well in time. I have two children with high send needs too but who knows, maybe in time as all the children get older. He puts his children first and I can't argue with that at all.

Greengablesfables · 14/05/2024 09:15

Haven’t read the full thread. Apart from the obvious fck no run a mile..

What about his child maintenance duties- he has to pay each mum (🙈) xx in child maintenance. Won’t leave much for anything else.