3 ‘baby mums’…. Instant red flag??

[Lilysienna1]

As the title says…. Would you continue talking with a man you’ve met (in person) if he told you he has 5 children with 3 women? (Youngest is a one year old, oldest is 16.)

From what he has said, the relationship he has with the mothers of his children is amicable, and he has all 5 of them (3 with 1 mum, then one each with the other 2) every other weekend and pays child support for all 5.

Bearing in mind, I have 3 children with my ex, so I feel like a hypocrite for even wondering if there is something just a bit off… that with 3 women things didn’t work out, that he has had the last 2 children fairly early into each relationship and that the youngest is only 1, and that relationship ended 6 months ago…. Red flag or second date…

No

Christ, I’d find it hard to go with someone who was divorced so definitely no to this

Huge red flag.

You're not a hypocritite at all. You have three children with one person - there's a huge difference between having a long-term and committed relationship with someone that fails, to constantly hopping from partner to partner and impregnating them. That's highly irresponsible.

Huge red flag.

You're not a hypocritite at all. You have three children with one person - there's a huge difference between having a long-term and committed relationship with someone that fails, to constantly hopping from partner to partner and impregnating them. That's highly irresponsible.

Yes I know someone with 4 by 3 that’s a women and she’s a walking disaster when it comes to men. Always a new “daddy” ready to be introduced. She’s had her tubes tied now thank god but she’s pretty so men fall over themselves for her and then she lets out her crazy 😂

3+ different mothers would ALWAYS be a red flag to me. The circumstances wouldn't matter whatsoever. Even if he was deeply in love and married to each woman and by some insane stroke of bad luck was widowed three times, still a massive red flag. Even if he spends loads of time with the kids and pays for everything, still a massive red flag.

He's not prioritised the needs of any of those children by putting them through multiple different "family" setups and continuing to knock up each subsequent woman, when the existing kids needed him to provide some stability and nurturing after the breakdown of their family unit. And he's still at it, looking for the next one while he's swanned off and left a one year old in the dust. Women with very small babies do not tend to leave good men who are great fathers, and instead choose to tackle single motherhood for shits and giggles. So either he's left her, or he's abusive/absolutely useless and she's decided it's easier or safer without him. And great fathers don't see their babies every other weekend. What a deadbeat loser.

I'd be sprinting away from this one.

Honestly I’d see anyone who only saw their kids every other weekend as a red flag

The most extreme version I’ve encountered of this is a woman who last time I seen her had 4 kids by 4 different dads.

She seemed to think it was funny and “joked” about being on her way to making a football team of kids….Or was it a joke?

I’m not in touch with her anymore but last time I stumbled upon her social media (they’re a friend of a friend) she was 7 for 7 AND pregnant. I haven’t ever looked again because I’ve seen enough lol I dread to think how many she ended up with and she’s still in her 30s now so it could be going on.

Maybe she really does want a football team of kids!

I wouldn't date anyone with one DC, never mind 5.

I think 8 children between you would be hard going, and the 3 exes and juggling all the related balls would get old very fast!

Yes to a red flag to spread the kids with multiple "wrong partner" choices. Yes to a red flag only staying with them four days a month. That sounds like he doesn't care much about them.

It really depends on how old you bath are and whether you want to have more children. If you’re both 30 and you’re hoping to have more children, then I’d be having a serious think about your position. If you’re 50, done with having children yourself and like the guy, then I’d see where it goes.
The biggest issue I’d have, is the age of his youngest. And I’d be questioning whether he was in the right frame of mind to be heading into a new relationship, depending on how serious the relationship with that BM was.

What's the point? He'll be tied up every weekend with various children. There's no room for you. He'll be financially spent too, so too poor to go away. Also he would feel like the kind of person to leave a relationship when it gets hard e.g. small kids and partner gets a mum tum. It's a big ick that he didn't stay in any of those 3 relationships, especially when he had children. Personally I'd stay away.

The youngest is a year, so only recently broke up. Too much baggage.

No. Because in a nutshell either three separate women choose to be single parents rather than live with him, or he left three women to raise his children alone. Neither possibility speaks well for him. He is also irresponsible to continue fathering children that unless he is an extremely high earner, could not hope to provide for and house in three separate households.

Going slightly against the grain here - I would be fine with dating him, but I would not have any more children with him. (I wouldn't have children with anyone who already has children). And I wouldn't introduce my children to him for a very long time, if at all. I wouldn't blend families.

It wasn’t the 5 kids or the logistics that did for me, or even the question of how much he loves his kids.

It’s the ‘knock up and run’ situation with the last two women. I could just see you being baby mama number four and dumped before you even finished mat leave.

Good god no, I can't stand indiscriminate jizzers that just churn out babies like athletes foot in a bowling alley.

Indiscriminate jizzers 🤣🤣🤣

Geez that’s a lot of babies and baby daddies.

You have to feel for the children as depending on their own dad depends on what they get extra from mums house. Imagine watching some siblings go aboard why you don’t, some who don’t even get eow and others who might be 50:50 maybe one in private school while ones dad is in prison. Bonkers. Unless all the dads belong to the streets anyway 😂

Sometimes I think it’s actually worse when the women are the ones with the high other parent count. And before I get lynched because of look at women being blamed when men don’t blah blah blah.

When the dads shit the kids are with the mum are treated the same by her for all her children ish, when the mum had many partners for her children they all get to actively watch their siblings have way more or way less than them even at their own home. Whilst also having a revolving door of men in their lives.

Yes , If she only saw her children for 4 days a month , has all 5 of them at once so she hardly has time for them, and left her 6 month old baby with his father so she can go off and enjoy a single life.

Yes I would judge such a mother . And I think other people who knew her would be judging too.

However I’ve never actually known any mothers who have done anything like this - have you ? yet it seem so common in men, I wonder why ?

And I’m pretty sure there wouldn’t be men queuing up to date her . Shag her - yes. But not have a serious relationship with .

This is a good point actually @OhmygodDont

My mum was a divorced single mum of 3, my Dad was and is shit- had money but absent due to his hatred of my mum, but think it would’ve much worse if we had different dads and some of us were going away for weekend contact etc while the others didn’t have that

Unless all the dads belong to the streets anyway 😂

yes, that’s the situation in this case unfortunately lol but some of the fathers want some contact and some aren’t bothered at all so I don’t know how that affects the kids. Also the woman treats her exes differently, so she will randomly block contact for one while allowing the other to be involved. It’s a complete shambles.

Red flag for me. I'd not be seeing him again. I can't even imagine the logistics let alone the grief from 3 ex partners.