Would you date someone who was HIV positive?

[IAmThe1AndOnly]

My late BIL and his DP were/are both HIV positive. BIL died five years ago of an unrelated illness, and his DP has been moving forward with his life. TBH I haven’t really seen him since BIL died, but I do have him on FB.

So the other day he posted that he was gutted because he’d met someone he liked, and as soon as he told him about his HIV status the guy had blocked him.

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And the vitriol directed towards this bloke had to be seen to be believed. Everything from calling him all manner of names, to saying he was a bigot, discriminatory, how dare anyone refuse to go out with someone who is HIV positive. Don’t they know that it’s not a death sentence any more? And so on.

I do agree that blocking him seems a bit harsh. After all why not just say that he didn’t want to date someone with HIV.

But doesn’t not wanting to date someone HIV positive just sit within “you can choose not to date someone for any reason you like,” including people with kids for instance?

I didn’t dare add my comment or I have no doubt they would have turned on me as well.

But is it wrong to feel that way?

I would - if the viral load is zero it can’t even be passed on sexually these days.

However you can block or decline to date anyone you like for any reason you like so I’d agree that the guy who did the blocking doesn’t deserve abuse!

What if he caught it from a blood transfusion or something through no fault of his own? 🤔

At this stage it's often controlled to the point it's not contagious at all. In fact anyone who's medicated properly should pose no risk to others of transmission and can lead a normal healthy life. I think it wouldn't put me off if they were honest about it early on. In the gay community I think it's a lot more accepted than in hetero, but obviously it depends on the person.

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People can become resistant to HIV medication - up to 19% acquire resistance to one of the main antiretroviral medications used, which is a higher rate than that observed in clinical trials.

https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/hiv-drug-resistance#:~:text=HIV%20drug%20resistance%20is%20caused,emergence%20of%20drug%2Dresistant%20virus.

@OhmygodDont late 80s, the tombstone adverts terrified the bejeesus out of everyone. HIV was considered a total death sentence

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/AIDS:_Don%27t_Die_of_Ignorance

Source please?

Good recent article when all of it is read, although might be difficult for some to understand. I’m taking Dolutegravir as one on the drugs in my regime. It helps to include all context rather than cherry picking. Further down it states:

“Viral load suppression – the goal of HIV treatment – significantly contributes to preventing the emergence of HIV drug resistance. When viral load suppression is achieved and maintained, drug-resistant HIV is less likely to emerge.”

In the Partner studies, (the trials that lead to U=U being endorsed by all major world health organisations), there was not one incidence of transmission to the negative partner from the positive partner. That would infer no resistance that enabled the virus to transmit. https://i-base.info/partner-study/

It was rude to just block. Tbh I think it would put me off though

I would not date a Muslim, because I would not date any religious person. I think my world view is not compatible with someone honestly believing in the great spaghetti monster in the sky.

I would also not date a woman. (Because I am attracted to men, not because I think lesbians are sinners against the great spaghetti monster.) Does that make me sexist?

But on another note, I find all the blocking these days distasteful. Do people not have adult conversations anymore? “Sorry, this is not what I am looking for. I do not want to continue dating.”

No chance I'd date someone who was HIV positive. There's too much risk of accidentally catching it compared to being with someone who isn't infected. Why chance it? The fact it's no longer a "death sentence" doesn't mean I want to willingly raise the risk of contracting it when there are plenty of people out there without it.

Just released today - there is such confidence in U=U that people with HIV maintaining an undetectable viral load can now donate eggs or sperm to friends, family and known recipients with their knowledge and consent to start a family. This was previously denied to same-sex couples.
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/people-with-hiv-can-now-donate-eggs-or-sperm-to-start-a-family#:~:text=The%20changes%20to%20the%20law,HIV%20cannot%20be%20passed%20on

Knowledge and consent is the key there.

And some will not consent, and that's ok.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28058564/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7018785/#:~:text=Mathematical%20modelling%20studies%20suggest%20that,prevention%20%5B9%2C%2010%5D.

Thanks but I can't find anything similar in relation to the UK(?). Government stats suggest that the rate of transmission isn't increasing, and that the rise is actually due to infections abroad in people who subsequently immigrate. I'm not convinced that it's necessarily the case in the 1700 odd new infections for UK cases. (Numbers from here https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/hiv-annual-data-tables/hiv-testing-prep-new-hiv-diagnoses-and-care-outcomes-for-people-accessing-hiv-services-2023-report#:~:text=The%20number%20of%20HIV%20diagnoses,2021%20to%201%2C361%20in%202022.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/aji.13263 (US)

A colleague recently presented studies that estimate up to 40% of newly acquired infections from het women were via anal sex.

What we know is that when men who have sex with women feel pregnancy isnt a possibility, they forego condoms. With each other, men on PrEp become less concerned about other STDs and go barrierless.

We know women are having more anal sex. We know anal sex is a high risk activity. It is more than reasonable to assume that much of the transmission to women is via that high risk increasingly popular sexual acitivity where men are more likely to not be as concerned about using a condom.

What also doesnt help is that people think its the gay or drug aspect that "spreads" HIV, not the lack of testing while partaking in high risk activities. There are women who believe that being straight and female is a form of protection in itself.

But if they had been sleeping together and he didn't declare his status I can understand someone being upset and blocking. Its not informed consent.