Would you date someone who was HIV positive?

[IAmThe1AndOnly]

My late BIL and his DP were/are both HIV positive. BIL died five years ago of an unrelated illness, and his DP has been moving forward with his life. TBH I haven’t really seen him since BIL died, but I do have him on FB.

So the other day he posted that he was gutted because he’d met someone he liked, and as soon as he told him about his HIV status the guy had blocked him.

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And the vitriol directed towards this bloke had to be seen to be believed. Everything from calling him all manner of names, to saying he was a bigot, discriminatory, how dare anyone refuse to go out with someone who is HIV positive. Don’t they know that it’s not a death sentence any more? And so on.

I do agree that blocking him seems a bit harsh. After all why not just say that he didn’t want to date someone with HIV.

But doesn’t not wanting to date someone HIV positive just sit within “you can choose not to date someone for any reason you like,” including people with kids for instance?

I didn’t dare add my comment or I have no doubt they would have turned on me as well.

But is it wrong to feel that way?

No I wouldn’t.

I think I would if I was really into them

U=U

wouldn’t bother me in the slighest

I just want to make clear for your own personal safety. Straight woman can catch this virus to, it may not even be a problem for you if your in a long term relationship but I felt u should let you know just in case.

As an old, heterosexual trout with my childbearing years behind me no, it would not be a dealbreaker. I would appreciate the honesty.

As a younger woman hoping to have children it absolutely would have been a line I wouldn’t cross.

Wouldn't bother me at all. As you say it's no different to any other chronic condition. If you don't trust someone to take medication then that's more of a reason not to date them . But of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion

Yes - Very disappointed in the number of people who have said no without doing any research etc.

I think I would (if they were amazing, and after lots of research). But I don't think anyone should feel that they have to. However, just blocking someone without any conversation (if that's what happened) is pretty bad behaviour.

No I wouldn't.

And not because I think there's anything wrong with having HIV it's just you would have to fully trust the other person to be taken their medication and I just would never trust someone that much even if we had been together a long time, so there's no way I would trust someone I hadn't known very long.

I do feel bad for this man though.

No.
As much as I'd like to say yes because I know that treatment has evolved to the point that with medication there is no viral load etc etc but its not something I could ever find peace with as I'd feel constantly on edge the same way I did in 2020/21.

I'm genuinely surprised so many people wouldn't! It wouldn't bother me at all.

I'm aware that you can't catch it if the viral load of undetectable, but it would still be a no. You can choose not to date someone for any reason you like.

I would. Easy to say when I'm happily married and not remotely considering dating anyone. I thought the modern medicines meant it can't be passed on.

Why?

I wouldn’t risk my health for a new partner, no. But more significantly, I’d expect that person to share the information from the outset and not wait to disclose it. It may be that the person in question was upset by the failure to do that vs. blocking him on the basis of the illness itself.

You can, but that doesn't mean people can't be disappointed (or something stronger) in you because of it.

I don't care about anyone elses disappointment in my life choices.

Wow this is quite enlightening. Surely if they’re on the medication that stops transmission you should be ok? And if you become serious and want to do anything unprotected you can also take the one that stops you getting it. If I really liked him I’d be thankful he told me and make sure we used protection. But I didn’t grow up with it when there was the epidemic.

This is what I mean. I didn’t realise there was still so much of a stigma! Crazy.

Yes, I would. I saw an quote from a doctor who was saying that he would rather have HIV than diabetes. The impact and life expectancy are better for HIV than diabetes due to advances in medicine.

My immediate reaction is yes I would. I know a lot about modern treatment, etc, etc so it doesn't feel like an especially scary illness.

But, then I thought - you've met someone on a dating app, they're upfront about their status albeit not until after you've matched (good), yes they are almost certainly compliant with meds and safer than someone who you don't know their sexual/iv drug history/status, it's still going to niggle - what if they're not great at taking their drugs? It's a lot of trust and just that bit more hassle that someone who's not positive. Unless you're already feeling a good connection then I can see why someone would pass.

And yes, rude to just block, but also I bet the other person was embarrassed at facing up to their own prejudice and really just didn't want to explain. I do think it's a bit off for the dp to be making a big deal of it on social media because people are allowed to chuck you, even if it's impolite, even if it's for reasons that are medically illogical, even if they're prejudiced.

All the people saying they wouldn't, what are your reasons?

No !

But that relies on absolutely trusting another person who you are just getting to know to take the medication, and on time spent researching enough to try and get to a comfortable position in your head about the risk... Which is a big ask for a new person in your life when you could just, not.

On a different note- I hope he'll get some closure next Monday. Xxx