Adult children claiming bedrooms

[Gladya72]

I have a 25yo daughter moved out 2 years ago. 30yo son had to move back due to divorce. Not working at present but in process of starting new job wfh. Told 25yo we would like to move brother into larger room to accommodate for this and she has gone mental. Explained wouldn't throw anything of hers away but as she only comes home couple times a month and he will be paying rent and due to his circumstances he should get the larger room. She has now said she won't give it up. We are putting him before her and being we are unreasonable and if we give him the room she won't come back! I'm aghast. Surely I'm not being unreasonable in the circumstances? We try to give them as much help as possible we're currently paying off her car for her and she says we're favouring him..

She sounds like an entitled brat, that's ridiculous.
It's your house, so it's your room to give away if you wish!

She moved out 2years ago. It's not 'her' room anymore, it's yours. You have a 25 year old CF, unfortunately.

My two daughters don't live at home anymore as both married now with their own homes. They may joke about the different rooms being theirs, but that's all it is, a joke.

Tell her if she wants the room she has to pay rent.

Entitled brat. It's your home and you can do what you want with it. She doesn't live there. She doesn't pay rent. She doesn't need a room while she has her own accommodation. She's a CF. If she doesn't want to come home to visit that's her business and her choice. I wouldn't be healed to ransom by her. In all honesty if she continues along this line I would reconsider paying her car for her. You want to cut contact the cut the cash injection.

If you hadn't have said she was 25, I'd have said she was 12

It's not her room. End of.

If she moved out why does she still have stuff in her old room?

It's not her room anymore, she doesn't live there. End of.

I'm suprised you haven't put her stuff in the loft or taken it to her new place?

She has now said she won't give it up. We are putting him before her and being we are unreasonable and if we give him the room she won't come back! I'm aghast.

Wow. Did she fold her arms and stamp her foot as she said it, too?!

Entitled brat is how I'd describe this behaviour.

Why are you asking her and not telling her ?

Suggest that she pays rent to reserve the room. She’s being outrageously silly.

That’s one spoilt madam you’ve raised there.

Deal with her firmly- if she’s never coming back and is creating drama in this way, she can pay for her own car.

My DS23 is moving out - younger brother will be moving into his room. He feigned a ‘ he can’t have my room!!’ moment and we all laughed - it was a joke.

So tell her you want your own room at her house to stay at when you feel like. Rent free of course.

Bloody hell , does that mean you can’t sell and downsize either. It’s your house, and she will always be welcome but it’s no longer her home as she has one herself. Your mistake was letting her have an opinion instead of just telling her.

Just tell her she's got her own home and as she's only at yours as a guest, she can sleep in whatever room is set up as guest room.

Tell her to get knotted. Family members help family out and if she doesn't feel like helping that's fine, you wont be helping her. Tell her you will see her when she grows up.

Oh dear, she is being a brat. He is paying rent and she is not.
why are you paying off a car loan for a 25 year old?
I would be having serious words with her.

Sorry you have such a bratty dd. yanbu.

She doesn’t live there anymore. You don’t have to keep her bedroom as a shrine to her. Plenty of parents pack up the mementos and redecorate. She can stay in a guest room.

Eventually the parents want to get rid of the boxes, but that is a whole different post.

She has now said she won't give it up.

And how does she think she's going to prevent this happening? Move back in and set up camp in there?

She's being ridiculous!

Where did she move out to? Is there any possibility she's panicking because she was hoping to move back?

What a cheeky entitled madam you have there! Our 23 yo moved out and our 10 yo had moved into his room that night. Once you’ve moved out the room is no longer yours. And if you need to come back then you fit around the new arrangements.

30yo has a WFH job in your house? Will your kiddos ever grow up, I wonder?

She’s embarrassing herself. But you’re allowing it.

When I permanently moved out, all my remaining stuff went in the loft and my room was redecorated to the saddest neutral white and made into a guest room. Same with my cousins.

Having that change of look from it being the room that I grew up in did help me break with it being "my" room.

I would formalise it. Both rooms get emptied and decorated neutrally - so they aren't their childhood rooms any more. DS has a written contract as a lodger paying rent. If your DD comes to stay, she is a guest and stays in the guest room (formerly DS's room), as with all other guests.

ha, as soon as my twin brother and I graduated and moved away, my mum put lodgers in both of our rooms. that left a tiny box room for whoever was home to stay in. if we were both home at the same time, it was the sofa or a friend's house. we both understood though as she really needed the income and, most importantly, we were adults who had left home and therefore had no claim on our old rooms. she's being ridiculous op.

As others have said, I would tell her he is having the room, and she can move anything she wishes but she needs to knuckle down.

I would also tell her if she chooses not to visit then that is absolutely fine but you won’t be paying for her car anymore. Also if her visit frequency mysteriously drops I’d stop paying for her car then too.