Adult children claiming bedrooms

[Gladya72]

I have a 25yo daughter moved out 2 years ago. 30yo son had to move back due to divorce. Not working at present but in process of starting new job wfh. Told 25yo we would like to move brother into larger room to accommodate for this and she has gone mental. Explained wouldn't throw anything of hers away but as she only comes home couple times a month and he will be paying rent and due to his circumstances he should get the larger room. She has now said she won't give it up. We are putting him before her and being we are unreasonable and if we give him the room she won't come back! I'm aghast. Surely I'm not being unreasonable in the circumstances? We try to give them as much help as possible we're currently paying off her car for her and she says we're favouring him..

You say your husband will never leave you - no one knows that 100%

You say you were too clever to marry someone abusive - no one marries someone knowing they’re going to be abusive towards them.

You judge someone for being homeless and not being able to afford somewhere to live - yet freely admit that you don’t work and it’s your DH’s money.

No one is vile enough to think that someone who ends up in an abusive marriage is purely because the victim ‘wasn’t clever enough’.

And no one is stupid enough to not realise that if they don’t work and if their husband chooses to trade them in for a younger model - then they themselves would have no where to live, they would not have the immediate funds to find somewhere and most landlords wouldn’t accept you without proof of working for a minimum of the previous 6months.

If she moved out two years ago, why does she still have a room in your house? My mother redecorated my bedroom within a week of me leaving.

Did you miss the bit where OP said he Son was getting divorced or are you just being a total TWAT?

Oh, OK. I don't know much about the topics you mentioned, never had a mortgage in my life.
Abuse I'm not familiar with either.
Didn't realise I was being nasty by having
an opinion.

But you don't have an opinion because it's not based on any knowledge of the things you're talking about. What you have is a judgement based on ignorance and a nasty streak.

When my eldest moved out the 2nd youngest moved in their room the very same day.

Its years ago now but when I moved out, mum made my room into a sewing room and I helped her do it!

Yes, possibly.
And I don't give two sh**s.

And you've proved everyone's point with that one comment.

👏👏👏

Oh god my sister does this and she is 55 and been married nearly 30 years!!!!! And no I’m not kidding.

Sister doesn’t have children, I do. Sister visits and stays the weekend with our parents every couple of months. Sister goes nuts if anyone (my young children) has been in ‘her room’. And she will ask “Who’s been in my room?” And will shut the door to the bedroom. It’s nuts and my mum even still calls it her bedroom!

Yep you've raised a brat and why has she still got stuff at your house? As the oldest I'm guessing she has always the biggest room. Now she has moved out but visits occasionally so makes sense for younger sibling to have larger room. I got promoted from boxroom to my older sister's room when she moved out. The room was big enough for 2 single beds so we put another bed in. She lives in the same town so never spent a night since going to live with her DH.

Just to add once adult child has their own home they really no longer have their own room at parents house. The smallest room becomes a guest room for anyone staying overnight.

It’s your house. If she doesn’t live there anymore it’s not her bedroom and she doesn’t have any right to it. She’s being totally unreasonable and will have to suck it up.

It is not her house or her room. She can say whatever. I think is a time of needs now and you need to support your other child as well. BTW don't let him to be very comfortable, as soon n as the turmoil of the divorce pass he can move to his new life.

There's always a few fat fingers about, compounded by those who don't realise they can change their vote.

What the hell! She is being ridiculous and selfish. Does she really think her brother is ecstatic about getting a divorce and moving home?? (No offence). My mum was made homeless when I was 21, and moved to a bed sit so I had to move out. Life happens, you just have to deal with it. Sounds like she is very selfish sadly.

You should stop paying her car as well. Not because of this but because she needs to grow the F up.

As the mother of two DC’s in their late 20’s I actually surprised as some of these harsh replies.
My Dc both have ‘their’ bedroom and in the years since they went to university they have been back and forwards living with us at different times until they purchased their own homes This is the norm amongst my friends.
As wicked boomers we are aware of how hard it is for young people. So we have contributed towards uni/driving lessons/cars/house deposits etc. Isn’t that what families do help each other out?

Grow a back bone! She doesn’t have a choice simple as! Spoilt little brat.

Yes. It is. And that's what OP is trying to do for her son by making his life more comfortable when he probably feels quite low about having to move home.

Her daughter is not living at home right now but still thinks she has a say on who is in which room. Providing they aren't telling her she can't come home because her brother is there now, she still has somewhere to come home to if she needs to.

No one is saying she shouldn't have a room to stay in when she comes, but as an adult with her own home she doesn't get to dictate which room that is.

By threatening to never visit anymore.

unfortunately when you pander to your children while they are growing up they end up being unreasonable, selfish and entitled adults.

The difference is your children are still students at university and yes that is still their room as they will come home on school breaks etc. here her daughter is 25, has moved out 2 years ago. Moved out to her own place not temporarily to university accommodation, big difference.
Her son is older, was married and is coming home temporarily to help him get back on his feet after a divorce which is Understandable and he will pay rent as he should.

Are you suggesting that when your children finally graduate, get a job, move out and rent their own places you will still keep their room until they finally buy their own property? How does that make sense?

I don’t see how keeping a room empty for her will help her save a deposit for a house? How do you know that OP hasn’t helped her children? You conclude simply because she wants her son who needs support to use the room that her daughter does not use anymore?

The fact OP wants to use the room to support her son who is trying to get back on his feet after a divorce shows she is supportive of her children. And her daughter is very selfish when she knows that room can be useful for her brother and she doesn’t use it yet she throws an tantrum and claims it means OP is favouring her brother, what ridiculous selfish and entitled behaviour.

Sorry you misunderstood. I meant after university they moved back, then rented, then one was made redundant so moved back etc. Other one came back home for three weeks during first Covid lock down and stayed 18 months.
As I said they both now own properties (with help from us) but still have bedrooms at ‘home’ for when they regularly visit.

Thanks for the clarification but I still disagree, you can keep a room for any child who needs it but to claim they both have to have their rooms as they left it until they buy a property is ridiculous and realistic.

And as I said OP wants to use the room to support her son the same way you supported your son when he was made redundant so how does that justify the childish tantrum from the daughter?

How does it make sense to leave the larger room locked for someone who doesn’t live there anymore when her other child needs a place to live?