Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult children claiming bedrooms

227 replies

Gladya72 · 13/05/2024 13:09

I have a 25yo daughter moved out 2 years ago. 30yo son had to move back due to divorce. Not working at present but in process of starting new job wfh. Told 25yo we would like to move brother into larger room to accommodate for this and she has gone mental. Explained wouldn't throw anything of hers away but as she only comes home couple times a month and he will be paying rent and due to his circumstances he should get the larger room. She has now said she won't give it up. We are putting him before her and being we are unreasonable and if we give him the room she won't come back! I'm aghast. Surely I'm not being unreasonable in the circumstances? We try to give them as much help as possible we're currently paying off her car for her and she says we're favouring him..

OP posts:
Deadringer · 13/05/2024 14:01

We have less bedrooms than dc, they have quite large age gaps between them and over the years we have had to change around who had which room. When the eldest moved out her room was given to the next in line. She had to come home after several years and she took the room that was available, there was no question of her having her old, larger room back. The rooms are yours, in your house to allocate as you please. I would give her the opportunity to move her stuff into the other room herself though.

Love51 · 13/05/2024 14:05

When I moved out properly after university, my first visit back to mum and dad's I was told to take anything I wanted from my room as if I wanted it it should be at my home and if I didn't want it, it was getting binned. It felt slightly harsh initially but actually it was fine. I took a few bits and they had rearranged the room by the next time I visited.
What's really going on with your daughter? Does she want to live with you too?

BearFacedCheek · 13/05/2024 14:08

A) it’s not her room
B) why are you paying off her car loan?

You need to give her a massive reality check. She’s a 25 year old woman. Start treating her as such.

BlondeFool · 13/05/2024 14:09

Wow. Unbelievable behaviour.

Evenstar · 13/05/2024 14:12

Dreadful behaviour, all her stuff should be packed and put in the loft and she should be paying her own bills.

WallaceinAnderland · 13/05/2024 14:13

Stop paying off her car. You are enabled entitled behaviour.

BodyKeepingScore · 13/05/2024 14:13

She moved out. She doesn't pay rent. It's not her room. She's being ridiculous

5128gap · 13/05/2024 14:14

Tell her not to be so silly. That you're not going to have someone living in the house full time in a smaller room while a big one stays empty, and that if she'd choose not to see you all over something so daft, then that's entirely up to her, but you won't be dictated to.

Bluecardigan · 13/05/2024 14:17

peakygold · 13/05/2024 13:35

30yo has a WFH job in your house? Will your kiddos ever grow up, I wonder?

Lots of people have to move back in with parents after a divorce for a bit. Buying or renting on a single income is hard.

He's going to be paying rent so I don't see the problem. If one of my dc ever needed help to get back on their feet I'd want to help them if I could however old they were.

The DD is a CF though. She's not living there or paying rent. Her brother is. She's still got a room for her stuff and to stay when she visits. (I get why she has stuff there. When I was younger and first moved out, I was in rented flatshares without space for all my stuff).

mrlistersgelfbride · 13/05/2024 14:19

I know people who would have done this in their 30s, so I don't think it's just her, nor is it your fault.
It is, however, entitled and bratty.
She's an adult not a child.
She isn't entitled to that room and it is not hers. Tell her so. She has moved out!

My parents have completely transformed mine and my brother's old rooms since we left home and I should think so too, we're nearly 40 😅
Hopefully she grows up soon.

QuietLifeNoDrama · 13/05/2024 14:31

She moved out it's no longer her room.

toomuchfaff · 13/05/2024 14:56

moved out 2 years ago.

Oh I'm sorry dear daughter; I didn't realise you still lived here, let me know when you can pay the 24 months back rent and we will take it from there... obviously you'll set up a DD to pay rent monthly from now on.

randomusernam · 13/05/2024 15:00

I moved out and my dad has turned my room into a gym. I didn't think twice about it. I have my own home now.

sashagabadon · 13/05/2024 15:02

I would call her bluff on this

KeepYourFingersOutOfMySoup · 13/05/2024 15:03

I hope she eventually reflects on and regrets her reaction op, hopefully she still has some maturing to do. In the meantime, firm but kind but take no shit.

K0OLA1D · 13/05/2024 15:04

I moved out of my parents house on a Friday, aged 18. My brother had moved into that room by the Monday! Your DD is being ridiculous. A real entitled brat!

BeaRF75 · 13/05/2024 15:05

It's not her house - she doesn't live there. Thus she gets whichever guest bedroom she is given. So go ahead and make whatever changes you wish to make in your own home. And stop paying off her car - if she can't afford it herself, she'll have to give it up.

SilentSilhouette · 13/05/2024 15:06

Your daughter is being ridiculous.

My parents moved house when I was in my mid 20s so I was asked to come and collect a whole load of my stuff or say if my parents could give it to charity! I no longer have a bedroom in their new house and wouldn't expect one!

shepherdsangeldelight · 13/05/2024 15:08

Is there a huge back story here that your 30 year old has previous had the largest room for the majority of their life (when did they previously stop living with you?) and 25 year old has only had the large room for a very short time, and therefore it's actually historic injustices resurfacing, rather than a reaction to the current situation?

Chatonette · 13/05/2024 15:08

Does she pay toward the mortgage? Then no, she has no rights to the room, and the sibling who is actually LIVING in the house and PAYING rent gets to choose which room they prefer.

TomeTome · 13/05/2024 15:10

Ask her to come and collect her belongings and ignore the nonsense. If she can’t be arsed to visit you then personally I’d rethink the car because I’m not sure I could stomach giving someone so much money who cared so little for me.

Cornishclio · 13/05/2024 15:17

I would not pay any attention to her. Tell her there will be room for her to stay if she wishes but in the smaller room as her brother will be staying full time for the foreseeable so needs more space. If she kicks off I would be stopping her car payments too. Ungrateful madam. Is this unusual behaviour from her or is she usually this entitled?

Gymmum82 · 13/05/2024 15:18

As soon and me and my sibling moved out my mum boxed up any remaining belongings and put them in the loft. Completely redecorated both bedrooms and turned them in the guest room 1 and guest room 2. They were no longer ‘our’ bedrooms from that moment onwards. Your daughter is a CF. Just move her stuff out and in to the attic. She doesn’t live there anymore

Daisy12Maisie · 13/05/2024 15:18

My son moved out at 16 to do an apprenticeship. He comes home about twice a month. I've rented his room out to a lodger and he now has the box room when he comes home. I asked if he minded and he thinks it's a great side hustle. With some of the extra money I'm paying for his driving lessons and will buy his first car if he passes his test.
He didn't know I would spend the money on him though. So if a 16 year old can cope with a box room then a person in their 20s can cope.

Whisperingsummerishere · 13/05/2024 15:19

How much is dd paying you monthly for her room? You raised a brat there op..