Adult children claiming bedrooms

[Gladya72]

I have a 25yo daughter moved out 2 years ago. 30yo son had to move back due to divorce. Not working at present but in process of starting new job wfh. Told 25yo we would like to move brother into larger room to accommodate for this and she has gone mental. Explained wouldn't throw anything of hers away but as she only comes home couple times a month and he will be paying rent and due to his circumstances he should get the larger room. She has now said she won't give it up. We are putting him before her and being we are unreasonable and if we give him the room she won't come back! I'm aghast. Surely I'm not being unreasonable in the circumstances? We try to give them as much help as possible we're currently paying off her car for her and she says we're favouring him..

She has now said she won't give it up. We are putting him before her and being we are unreasonable and if we give him the room she won't come back

Call her bluff. Tell her that's fine but since it's your house & not hers you'll decide who uses what room.

If she really wants the room tell her she has to pay same rent as her brother - plus £100 since it's a premium room

Stop enabling her behaviour. Give your son the room.

No.
As you said, I never had money problems or
relationship breakdown.
Not "lucky", but using my brains to think with rather than something else.
😁

Ah yes, next time someone is working for a company that folds, or their spouse leaves them, they should remember to use their brains because that will mean their problems don't exist.

Clearly only stupid people have problems.

She's being ridiculous! She's an adult and has moved out it's not her room anymore!
My brother and I moved back to our parents house temporarily at different points due to various reasons, neither of us in our original bedrooms, we were given the "spare room" because it was bigger, and my brother's old bedroom had been turned into a study anyway.

He's currently unemployed and getting a divorce or is newly divorced. He wants /needs support at this difficult time. They as parents are giving him that support. They are allowed to subsidise him if they choose to. She doesn't get to dictate how they use their home, their money or anything else. I'm sure he would prefer his own space and independence. Moving home isnt a 30 year old man's dream life.

If she's so keen for one child not to be favoured over the other, let her know that she can "keep" her old room absolutely, on the condition that she pays the same amount of rent that your DS is going to be paying, plus you will cease your car payments immediately.

If she wants it to be fair, that is.

Otherwise tell her that you didn't fall down in the last shower, and anything she's left behind is being boxed up in the move and going in the loft. As is reasonable and very normal.

I moved out of the large bedroom and my much younger brother moved in, he had been waiting 10 years for me to go! Having said that I had bought a house in the next town so wasn't going to be coming back any time soon. Our sister who moved out about 6 months after me still has the room kept for her nearly 30 years later.
When my DC left for uni we kept their rooms as they were, handy when one ended back with us when they dropped out, to change course and also for lockdown when the other DC raced home to be with us. They are now both in their mid 20s and renting one has cleared nearly all of her stuff and the room has been re-purposed by DH, the other has not done this yet so the room is used by both of them when they come and visit, if they are both here at the same time then they get their original rooms.

That's a bizarre reaction, she doesn't even live there. When me and my siblings moved out, my parents remodeled the house. One of our old bedrooms is now my parents bedroom and another is an ensuite to it. Their house, so they should do whatever they want! None of us thought anything of it.

Because he's going through a divorce and having a hard time and his parents are supporting him by giving him a roof over his head? He's working and will be paying rent and assuming will eventually find his own place.
Hope my DDs always feel they can come to us for help even when they're adults!

So if someone is in an abusive relationship they should just stay rather than leaving and moving back to their parents?

You are obviously very privileged (or too stupid) to realise that if your relationship ends then you’d be forced to find somewhere else to live, which is extremely difficult at the moment as there isn’t enough housing to meet demand and the ones that are available are extortionate.

But carry on living in your privileged bubble and let’s hope your DH doesn’t decide to leave you out of the blue one day.

You know nothing about the financial details. Many many young people can’t afford rent and if wfh wages may be lower or a bigger room needed to accommodate equipment. You can’t just rent anywhere if wfh, he may not have friends or a partner to share with. My husband works from home and has 2 massive screens and is stuck in the room all day. It needs to be a decent size.

This! Me too.

With that posters attitude, there's a chance the reason they've never had a relationship breakdown is that there isn't one to break...

Wow, spoilt brat. Apart from anything else does she have no sympathy for her brother's situation?

Just quietly box everything up and move them.

Nobody mentioned abuse.
And my husband will 100% not leave me.
😊

Don't discuss it any further with her. Your mistake was seeking permission.

But by your logic, you're not "lucky" that your relationship didn't turn out abusive (to be clear, abusive partners don't start out rubbish), it's because you used your brain to think?

Do you think other people think "this man hits people but I'll marry him for a bit then move back home"?

As I said to you, NOBODY on this thread mentioned abuse.
And yes, I'm clever enough to have married well and not into an abusive relationship.
I don't even have to work, imagine.
At 45.
Hate me more 🤣

Nobody has to. It's an example of how a relationship can breakdown.

I honestly don't care whether you work or not, or are married or not, or how clever you are. The reason people on this thread have taken a dislike to you is that you are tone deaf, insensitive and frankly quite horrible.

Well, you have a 25 yr old brat on your hands

I don't understand why you're asking and not just telling her though

Is that because you’ve made him up 🤣

I bet you’re still living with your parents at 45 and don’t even work.

She'll have to deal with it, it's your house.

How long does your son plan on staying?

Oh gosh. What a brat. Tell her she can keep the room if she pays £££ amount a month rent for it.

Shea moved out, she's an adult. She has no claim to the room at all. It's your house, you tell her whats what and that's what goes.

And having her car paid for.

Agree with others, she needs to get an almighty kick up the arse. To be fair I can imagine my sister doing this at 25. And my colleague's 25 yr old daughter sounds the same. Tough love is needed here OP. You can be firm but kind and hope she sees that she is being unreasonable, it sounds like she still feels like she is a teenager. I hope she sees reason, it would be awful for everyone to fall out.