Adult children claiming bedrooms

[Gladya72]

I have a 25yo daughter moved out 2 years ago. 30yo son had to move back due to divorce. Not working at present but in process of starting new job wfh. Told 25yo we would like to move brother into larger room to accommodate for this and she has gone mental. Explained wouldn't throw anything of hers away but as she only comes home couple times a month and he will be paying rent and due to his circumstances he should get the larger room. She has now said she won't give it up. We are putting him before her and being we are unreasonable and if we give him the room she won't come back! I'm aghast. Surely I'm not being unreasonable in the circumstances? We try to give them as much help as possible we're currently paying off her car for her and she says we're favouring him..

Best move to another house 😊
that’s what I did. Not their old rooms any more. 👍

Lots of adult children use a parent’s house as free storage. There are lots of good solutions here. Pack everything, redecorate and give the larger room to the rent payer. By all means put all the ‘My little Pony’ stuff in the second room if you’re feeling kind. If not, the loft, clearly labelled. I moved out and my parents moved as well. Rang me up and told me there were 5 tea chests in the garage that were mine. Come and get them. And I did.

She doesn't live there. It's not her room, it is yours. Her brother needs the room and she does not. Just move him in. He's paying rent, after all, and she is not.

Congratulations on raising an entitled spoiled brat.

Tell daughter is she wants to end the relationship with you, you'll be ending the financial relationship of paying for her car.

Tell her you'll be boxing up all the stuff in her room and she can come collect it, or you'll put it in the shed/garage.

And tell her you find her behaviour disgraceful and disrespectful.

I'm completely staggered that you allow your daughter to behave in this way, when dealing with you.

25 going on 15 😆

If she doubts for a moment how bratty she's being, just show her this thread.

I would say she needs to give her head a "wobble" but know how offended some on here are at the "wobble" 😂😂

And yes to a written contract for your son so he doesn't suddenly regress to being a dependant child again, having mummy do his washing and cleaning...

When I moved out at 18, my bedroom was turned into a guest bedroom. I took the majority of my stuff with me and the few bits left behind went into the loft.
It's good that you are supporting your son after divorce as it's a difficult time. Your daughter could do with showing some compasion too.

She sounds very immature.
Don't let her dictate what you do with your own house.
We have helped our adult children from time to time with financial matters but probably wouldn't have with an attitude like your dds.

people here are the parents nobody will ever come back to unless they have to. some day you'll wish you saw your grown kids more, they are always our babies...a room is personal, it's where experiences and life growing up happened, to not take that into account is a good enough reason to say you're not thinking of how she feels.
if you make your kids pay rent for their old rooms they grew up in that's pretty sad, a little cash to help out, yeah sure but not for the room they "rent" at home.
good luck with your kids some day possibly not seeing you much for not valuing their feelings. idc what other people comment to me, it sounds like you're all quite shallow beings.

lets just add here you dont favor the son but you got hundreds of people here SLATING your daughter....horrible.

Ultimately it’s your house and you can do as you wish.

But I found it a little bit tough when my room stopped being my room at my Mum’s house. It always felt like a safe back up knowing I could always go back home. Cut her some slack, it does feel a bit deal.

Ha ha ha, I hope my mum doesn’t read this post as I’m 45 and I’m happily married living with my husband and kids. But my parents, my siblings and me all refer to ‘my bedroom’ when we talk about my bedroom at my mum and dads house 😂

We have a 20 year old, bit of a spoilt brat tbh. She’s moving out soon she’s in the process of buying a flat. There won’t be a thing of hers here when she’s gone, I want to get tidied up and de cluttered, not be used for storage. She can take her flea bag cat with her as well 🙃

I still think some of these posts are a bit harsh. Aren’t we all territorial about ‘our’ space?
If you work full time in an office and go in today and someone is sat at ‘your’ desk would you honestly shrug it off or be a bit miffed?
This is not just an office but her childhood home so lots of memories.
Your DD is being called childish but why isn’t a grown man of 30 going home to mummy also considered childish? Sounds like he’s gone from one woman looking after him to another.

Some of these young girls get very attached to their rooms. I know in the same circumstances my daughter would behave similarly. However I would reasonably explain that she has had her turn of having the bigger room and now it is her brother’s turn especially as he needs the space for wfh and is paying rent. Her remaining stuff will be moved to the smaller room and she can come and arrange it how she wants if necessary. It will be there for her if she ever needs it of course.

I had the biggest bedroom at home, when I moved out my sister moved into it from her smaller room, I didn't bat an eyelid as I had gone, wasn't 'my' room anymore.

But she's not being thrown out, just being assigned a different room, which she only uses occasionally. And her brother is paying rent.

As to the son needing to develop independence, yes, I agree. But at the same time, DH and I made a place for our adult child when his marriage broke up. He eventually did get his own place, but I think being with us for a time helped him get through the early days that were very difficult for him.

He isn’t childish because he was married, had his own home and is now going through a divorce so it’s understandable that he needs support especially depending on how finances are being split with his ex wife etc and more importantly he is paying rent. He may be cash strapped while they wait to sell their home and split the proceeds or many other scenarios. He is not a lazy bum who has decided never to move out from home.

He would be a man child if he was planning to move back home indefinitely and sponge off his parents but my understanding is that he is moving back temporarily to help him get back on his feet. Nothing wrong with that at all. And I’m sure OP would do the same for her daughter and support her in her time of need. That is different from expecting her room to be left locked and empty for years even through she doesn’t need it and she doesn’t live there.

And even if her mother decides to repurpose the room as she has every right to, while I understand her daughter may be sad due to memories her reaction to throw a tantrum and threaten never to visit anymore is ridiculously childish, selfish and entitled.

It’s not her space anymore, her space is her home where she has lived for 2 years. Memories or not her room can’t be left as a sanctuary forever while she moves on with her life, that is selfish. What if OP wants to downsize? Would that make her a horrible mother?

If she wants the room as hers, she can rent it. It’s your house, just do it?!

That's ridiculous of her. My eldest, who had the bigger room, volunteered to give it up when they went to uni, even though they are home for 4 months a year.

@Jc2001 Apologies for the slow reply Jc, and I appreciate that the ship may have long since sailed on this one.

Plus the OP is asking for opinions and advice on a public forum.
You are 100% correct, and that's not something I'd seek to curtail. Outside of whatever "house rules" Mumsnet have and the obvious stuff like not making a thread about "I'm in a packed theatre, should I shout FIRE just for a laugh?" we're all free to say what we like. Positive or negative, good or bad, it's the whole point of a discussion forum, right?

What I would say though is there's a big difference between disagreeing with someone and attacking someone. Or if I were to - hypothetically - not understand the question someone was asking, and decided it was grounds for me to start acting like I'm superior because I don't understand the words I'm reading, and therefore the person who wrote them must be "stoopid". Saying "the problem is that you think x²=y when in reality x²=z" is worlds apart from saying "why are you even asking how to use a stepladder safely? I can cut in the tops of the walls whilst stood on the floor because I'm 6'5", so I don't see what the problem is?!?!?".

I don't personally feel that "I'm in this horrible situation, everything's gone tits up, the whole world is falling apart around me and I don't even know how I got here, things were tough then I blink and now everything's fcuked and I don't know what to do!!" is too hard to understand. Nor do I see someone making themselves vulnerable, putting their dirty laundry on display for the whole world to see and asking for help as an opportunity to brag.

This is however just my personal opinion, which I'm just as entitled to posit as anyone else is to their own - and I wouldn't feel even a fraction confident enough to post this somewhere that another user couldn't retort, be it a standing ovation, a "Yeah, fair enough but you're kicking the arse out of it now", or even a "Steevo shut up man, no one cares, just leave it bruv yeah?".

Just charge her rent. Then it can be hers.

It’s not her room entitled or what! Who does she think she is? Queen bee

Show her this poll and the replies

It's your house, therefore the room is your room-tell her her stuff is being moved into the smaller room.
I suspect you knew she would be unreasonable, because to be honest I would not even have told her until she was due to come back for a visit.
Should she make anymore fuss stop paying off her car for her (which you shouldn't really be doing anyway). Should she stick to her guns and not come back, so much the better.

30 year olds don't "need" to come home even after divorce and no, they cannot set u a WFH life in your kitchen.

Tell him and his 25 year old sister to sling their hook.