Adult children claiming bedrooms

[Gladya72]

I have a 25yo daughter moved out 2 years ago. 30yo son had to move back due to divorce. Not working at present but in process of starting new job wfh. Told 25yo we would like to move brother into larger room to accommodate for this and she has gone mental. Explained wouldn't throw anything of hers away but as she only comes home couple times a month and he will be paying rent and due to his circumstances he should get the larger room. She has now said she won't give it up. We are putting him before her and being we are unreasonable and if we give him the room she won't come back! I'm aghast. Surely I'm not being unreasonable in the circumstances? We try to give them as much help as possible we're currently paying off her car for her and she says we're favouring him..

She's moved out. I don't think I was gone a month before I lost my room.

If she throws a wobbly tell her she is welcome to pay for her own car.

You need to be firm here.

Is she always like this?

I think YABU not to consider it from her point of view. The message you're sending to her is that her older brother is more important to you than she is. You might not be consciously favouring him, but you're giving the message that she's an afterthought, her feelings don't matter.

From most of the other replies I guess the overall opinion is that she's just a "spoilt bitch" or whatever but you should seriously try to understand it from her point of view and if you didn't see this reaction coming, you really should have done.

Tell her the room is not up for debate.

Tell her any note nonsense she takes over car payments. In fact why are you doing this and did you do similar for her brother? If not point that out and say it needs to stop now as she has pointed out the unfair treatment.

What a quite frankly bizarre and ridiculous response. I can only assume you are the daughter.

An adult child living there full time and paying rent has the room for space.

An adult child who doesn't live there and doesn't pay rent doesn't get to have a point of view over how her parents use their house. They get to use a guest room when they visit.

Cringing for her. How exactly will she “stand firm on this” it’s your sodding house!

I would say back off Verruca Salt.

But her point of view is irrational and entitled. Why should consideration be given to something so utterly ridiculous?

I moved out and a week later my parents had ripped out fitted wardrobes in "my" room and started moving my siblings into it.

I was mildly surprised by the speed of it, but I knew I didn't live there anymore. I had a bed to sleep in when I visited (4 hour drive either way so often make it a weekend rather than a day), it just wasn't in "my" old room.

Entitled, much?
DH and I moved out of parents and in together when I was 21 and he was 24. Within 1 year, my parents had moved to a one bed flat and within 2 months 'his' room was a home office/bedroom for my FIL.
Unless she's paying rent, she's reached the point where it's not 'hers' anymore.

But let's be honest
He doesn't really need to come home at age 30
He could rent a house share and stand on his own two feet
You say he's going to pay rent ...is that the going rate plus bills ...no I didn't think so ...he's getting a leg up as an adult ,that really he doesn't need ,so yes it feels unfair to her , because where ever she is living she's pay full rent and bills .
Your subsidising him ... otherwise he wouldn't coming home ,would he

When you say she moved out, is she renting a bedroom in a flat in London and sharing in some young professional house share? Because I still considered my parents home as my home at that stage of my life.

My stuff was still in the garage though.

As soon as I had my own home, my parents delivered all the stuff they had been storing.

It sounds like there's more to this than just a room though if I'm honest.

Did you read the bit where they're paying for her car? They're giving them both financial help, in ways that benefit them best at the time of their needs.

Has she moved "out out", or is she only renting temporarily? Is there the possibility she thought she would be back?
Why doesn't your son move back into his old bedroom? Would it make much of a difference if he went there? Some people are plain territorial.
I dont think you should be paying for her car. She's 25, working and should be able to manage that herself.

She moved out two years ago, she no longer lives in her childhood home. What are you meant to do keep it as some weird time capsule shrine to her forever? Absolutely not. You should be free to re decorate and re purpose the room however you want. Tell her if she wants to keep a hold on the room she should be paying a monthly fee for it! That will soon shut her up.

Tell her she can keep the room if she pays rent for it? Cheeky cow

Did I read somewhere that she comes home a few times a month though? That would mean that she is actively using it.

My parents turned my room into an office during my first term at university! My stuff was still in there, they took over my desk and put a filing cabinet in the room.

You know that she’s being unreasonable, you’re helping her out by paying for her car and you’re helping her brother out by letting him stay ( and pay presumably below market rent) while he sorts himself out. You’re supportive parents to them both.

Presumably there will still be a room for her to use when she's there for a day or so though? Just not the larger one she had.

I'd also speculate that as he's older, it may have been his til he moved out and she took it over? Unless it isn't the childhood home?

25 and 30 yo living at home.
🙄
Cannot simply imagine myself being anyhow able to do this in my time and am so happy about that.

This…. And I’d be reminding little miss bratz who pays for her car!!!

It’s an empty threat so I think you need to turn around and tell her no !!! ( doesn’t sound like she heard the word no much as a kid?!)

Once they move out, the room becomes yours to decide what you do with it.

Many people make them into spare rooms for various guests, offices, craft rooms etc.

They don’t stay the child’s bedroom indefinitely.

Has she properly moved out or gone to uni/a job that has accommodation?

I think kids should always feel welcome at their parents home but she’s taking the piss.
If she’s moved out properly then her stuff needs to be taken with her or put in boxes and put in the loft.

Is this a reverse?

Easy solution your son has his bedroom and sets up an office in hers.

👆

Lucky you to have never had money issues or a relationship breakdown and need some support.

I moved out at 23 and haven't had to go home, but I know I could if I need to. And I presume you've seen the price of rent/mortgages/houses?