to dump my bf immediately because he was violent with his dog?

[CrayRumors]

NCed for privacy but I am a semi-regular.

My boyfriend of 6 months has a wonderful, well-trained, sweet dog. He has always been quite firm in terms of discipline while I am more of a cuddler with dogs. He is one of those people who think that dogs shouldn't jump on sofas, shouldn't be allowed in the bedroom, should always follow commands, etc etc. Fair enough. I sometimes questioned if his way of disciplining the dog was a bit excessive, but until yesterday I didn't see anything alarming.

Yesterday night we were on the sofa at his place, and the dog tried to jump on the sofa to come cuddle next to me. My boyfriend shouted "NO" and threw the dog off the sofa and across the living room. The dog landed on her side and looked terrified.

I was shocked and horrified. I immediately got up and left after telling him that using violence against an animal is unacceptable and that he had crossed a line. He apologized and said that until he saw my reaction he didn't realize that his training methods were too harsh, that he saw the error in his ways, and that he was ashamed of himself. This means that he had used violence regularly until then to train the poor dog 😭

I knew he had sometimes poor emotional regulation, although so far I hadn't seen anything remotely close to yesterday night's outburst. He suffers from depression and is seeking help, but he clearly has a long way to go. I am questioning if I should report him to the animal welfare authorities.

AIBU to dump him immediately after seeing this violence against his poor poor dog? I don't think I can ever look at him again in the same way.

Dump him and inform the RSPCA.

Ditch him, without doubt. He's disgusting

Get rid.
And call the RSPCA, poor dog.

Poor dog - that was upsetting to read and I can imagine how you must feel witnessing it.

Dump him but re-evaluate you attitude to dog care. Animals, like chldren, need discipline to learn how to behave appropriately. Just cuddles is a recipoe for disaster in both instances

Also violence to animals is a massive indicator of domestic abuse.

God, that's awful. Yes, definitely ditch him and inform RSPCA too. His poor dog, imagine being subjected to that on a regular basis. If he's like that with a dog, imagine what sort of father he would make. Run for the hills (taking his dog with you).

Fair enough, which is why I don't have a dog. I understand that dogs need training and discipline, I am just not the right type of person for that.

You can train a dog to be very obedient without being harsh with them. He's an ignorant animal abuser.

Dump him and find a way to save the dog from him.

This.

And really.....he didn't realise that physically throwing his dog off the sofa is harsh until you told him? He has a seriously warped view of discipline, which no doubt would fall into other parts of his life and relationships too.

I think you are right to be wary, OP.

I also am deeply suspicious of people who believe 'dogs should always follow commands'. It's a living creature, not a robot.

They are not commands, they are cue words that, via effective training, the dog has learned to associate with a behaviour that results in a better outcome for themselves.

It's an important distinction because, to think of them as simple commands removes the understanding that the dog does have agency - and cannot be simply expected to do everything it's told automatically. No living creature can.

and fwiw I think the word 'discipline' can cover both a whole range of appropriate training methods (e.g withdrawl of attention for jumping up) and whole range of very inappropriate ones (e.g. yanking on leads, scaring the dog, or using physical force or violence to get the dog to do what you want).

Without wishing to sound patronising, you have great self-awareness. A few more could do with that!

Leave now and make sure he is reported, the dog is at serious risk.

Yanbu get rid of this arsehole. Poor dog being left behind though

Your attitude is fine being a cuddler doesn't automatically mean you can't train a dog.

Did he actually lose his temper with the dog? It is harsh but if the dog doesn't usually jump on the sofa he was just pushing boundaries but it doesn't warrant being flung across the room. I don't think it's bad enough for the RSPCA but I would reconsider if he loses his shit out of control like that over a dog.

Dump him and take the dog with you. Dogs should be trained but not with violence.

YANBU. That's horribly authoritarian. Leave and don't look back. Pity the poor dog who can't leave.

Poor emotional regulation is already a massive red flag in a relationship even without throwing a dog across the room.

What if that is you one day?

You can dump a boyfriend for any reason you like and this is a very good reason.

That's a poor show from your bf. If he'd do that to an animal, what would he do to your or a child. That's a big red flag for me!

There's a way to discipline the dog, you can say 'No' and place the dog off the sofa without shoving the poor thing.

You don't need to shove it half way across the room.

Same as a small child, you say 'No!' firmly and lift the child away from it's doing. You don't push the child over onto the floor.

Having depression isn't a 'reason' to be an asshole to a dog or another human being.

Plenty of depressed people are perfectly nice and treat others with respect.

Wow, just saying no and lifting the dog up and putting it on the floor would be a normal reaction. That poor dog needs rescuing from that cruel bastard.

Goodbye to the pathetic vile bully, can you take the dog with you, its obviously what he does if it needed pointing out to him. Not sure the rspca would do anything, they never have done anything for me.

I'm heartened to see the votes are 100% YANBU.

Christ, lots of animal abuse apologists on here. You don’t use force to train a dog. Positive reinforcement is the way to train. Anyone who thinks shoving a dog off a sofa so it goes flying should never be allowed to own an animal. Get rid of the vile piece of shit and rehome that poor dog.