to dump my bf immediately because he was violent with his dog?

[CrayRumors]

NCed for privacy but I am a semi-regular.

My boyfriend of 6 months has a wonderful, well-trained, sweet dog. He has always been quite firm in terms of discipline while I am more of a cuddler with dogs. He is one of those people who think that dogs shouldn't jump on sofas, shouldn't be allowed in the bedroom, should always follow commands, etc etc. Fair enough. I sometimes questioned if his way of disciplining the dog was a bit excessive, but until yesterday I didn't see anything alarming.

Yesterday night we were on the sofa at his place, and the dog tried to jump on the sofa to come cuddle next to me. My boyfriend shouted "NO" and threw the dog off the sofa and across the living room. The dog landed on her side and looked terrified.

I was shocked and horrified. I immediately got up and left after telling him that using violence against an animal is unacceptable and that he had crossed a line. He apologized and said that until he saw my reaction he didn't realize that his training methods were too harsh, that he saw the error in his ways, and that he was ashamed of himself. This means that he had used violence regularly until then to train the poor dog 😭

I knew he had sometimes poor emotional regulation, although so far I hadn't seen anything remotely close to yesterday night's outburst. He suffers from depression and is seeking help, but he clearly has a long way to go. I am questioning if I should report him to the animal welfare authorities.

AIBU to dump him immediately after seeing this violence against his poor poor dog? I don't think I can ever look at him again in the same way.

Tbh, even without the dog incident i wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who has poor emotional regulation, chronic depression and suicidality (never heard that word before).

No, of course!

Oh how awful. I stopped going round to visit a school mum friend because her DH kept acting strangely with their new dog. It was like he was showing off. One minute cuddling the dog and kissing it, the next bopping hard it on the nose and shoving it off the sofa. I questioned what he was playing at and he said I wasn't used to dogs and it was normal to be like that with them. He kept getting the dog all revved up and then the next minute, turn on it. The next couple of visits the dog was locked in a small cage in another room while the DH sat gaming. I realised they are both shit people and don't bother with them any more. I can't be doing with shit people.

Yanbu
What you describe is not training or discipline, it is abuse.

Dog owner of over 30 years here - that's not normal. Its not necessary to use force to 'train' a dog, all that teaches is fear. Absolutely batshit behaviour and he shouldn't have a dog. The RSPCA won't do shit because as long as it is fed and watered they don't give a rats arse. I'd be out of there but that poor dog would play on my mind so badly 😢

He apologized and said that until he saw my reaction he didn't realize that his training methods were too harsh,

Throwing a small dog across the room is not 'training' - it's out and out cruelty.

Dogs do need training and boundaries, but throwing a dog is not the kind of discipline that works. It's just cruel and unnecessary.

I’m sorry you witnessed that, it must have been upsetting. Well done on calling him out for his violence which is, of course, completely unacceptable. Break it off, and contact the RSPCA. Could you offer to take the dog?

I've got clinical depression and have been suicidal, but I've never laid a finger on my dog or cats.
Dump him, and report. He's a vile human being.

Dump
but I am sure you have already

Report to RSPCA, but they won't be interested.

Suggest he rehomes the dog, give a list of suitable animal charities local to him.

Not all people who use violence against animals ‘progress’ to using violence towards other humans but a heck of a lot do. This is about using violence to control.

I agree with PPs that RSPCA or similar may not take any action but if you need to feel you had done all you could then do so.

But I would certainly now be referring to an Ex BF.

Of course it is. I was not advocating such behaviour!

Dump and report

When you left him you left the dog alone with him and when you leave the relationship it will never have someone looking out for him so if you care that much get him on a recording admitting to the abuse and detailing it by asking him about his methods. Then report him so that the dog can be removed and go to a loving family.

Dump him and report him - that poor dog! How upsetting for you x

Please save the dog and dump him

Dump him immediately and report him to the rspca if you can. It may seem like a bit of a leap but people who abuse animals can transfer that abuse to people close to them. Please don’t hesitate and get away now.

If you felt safe enough to tell your BF his violence is unacceptable as you were leaving, why didn't you take the dog with you on your way out?
If he's doing that in front of you, imagine what he's doing to her when no one else is around. Fucking shameful.

Surely this cant be a real post. Dump him now, and the poor dog. This is not acceptable on so many levels already pointed out. Massive red flag - dump him and move on. Imagine having a child with this delight, ( sarcasm in case it was not clear).

So you think it would be acceptable to throw a child across a room?!

yes they do. They'll do it to any being they can feel powerful over.

There would be no going back, for me. That is NOT how you train an animal, it is animal abuse.

And to the apologists, discipline is not the answer. Pets do not understand discipline. You need to focus on positive reinforcement instead of pointlessly and counter-productively venting your frustrations on a poor confused animal.

How ? You can train a dog and still have a loving relationship with them. My dogs are very well trained but still love their cuddles in eve with me on sofa - same as i do. If i was in this situation i would dump him but also take the dog -he should never own a dog again

Have you reported to the RSPCA or police? if not, why not?