to dump my bf immediately because he was violent with his dog?

[CrayRumors]

NCed for privacy but I am a semi-regular.

My boyfriend of 6 months has a wonderful, well-trained, sweet dog. He has always been quite firm in terms of discipline while I am more of a cuddler with dogs. He is one of those people who think that dogs shouldn't jump on sofas, shouldn't be allowed in the bedroom, should always follow commands, etc etc. Fair enough. I sometimes questioned if his way of disciplining the dog was a bit excessive, but until yesterday I didn't see anything alarming.

Yesterday night we were on the sofa at his place, and the dog tried to jump on the sofa to come cuddle next to me. My boyfriend shouted "NO" and threw the dog off the sofa and across the living room. The dog landed on her side and looked terrified.

I was shocked and horrified. I immediately got up and left after telling him that using violence against an animal is unacceptable and that he had crossed a line. He apologized and said that until he saw my reaction he didn't realize that his training methods were too harsh, that he saw the error in his ways, and that he was ashamed of himself. This means that he had used violence regularly until then to train the poor dog 😭

I knew he had sometimes poor emotional regulation, although so far I hadn't seen anything remotely close to yesterday night's outburst. He suffers from depression and is seeking help, but he clearly has a long way to go. I am questioning if I should report him to the animal welfare authorities.

AIBU to dump him immediately after seeing this violence against his poor poor dog? I don't think I can ever look at him again in the same way.

Should you dump him???

Hells Bells love - I’d CASTRATE the fucker!😡😡😡

I cannot cannot cannot bear animal cruelty and the vile attitude that “we” as humans can do what we see fit with animals - Evil bastard.
I wouldn’t breathe the same air as him a second longer.😡😡😡

Oh - and don’t forget to report him to anyone you can think of, Police, RSPCA, his family, just anyone that will make his life unpleasant.

Poor poor dog 😢

Don't be so fucking ridiculous. Re-read the post. All I said was dogs and children require discipline not just cuddles, as op pointed out.
Some people here have no idea how to read a paragraph

My point; just cuddles is not good, violencevtowards kids or dogs unacceptable!

you didn't express that well enough then ? You come across as not giving them any love - You can edit your post

I really dislike dogs (bitten as a child) and have very limited time for them but even I find this disgusting.

What happens when he loses his temper with you, your further children etc?

You can't just throw things around. It's dangerous and frightening.

There's nothing he can say/do to justify what he did. It really isn't normal behaviour.

Indeed. We only adopt rescue dogs and they tend not to have been trained properly.

Despite an awful past, our dog does as she's told without us once having even to speak sternly to her.

There is ZERO excuse for a man throwing a dog across a room.

He is horrible , dump him and take the dog with you .

👌

Perhaps, but throwing an animal or child across a room is so totally beyond anything classed as reasonable discipline.

This is a violent man and OP is right to stay away from him.

I hear everyone's suggestions that I take the dog from him but I am afraid it won't be so easy. He is the legal owner of the dog, the dog appears to be well cared for (good health condition, very obedient, sociable, easygoing) and he is convinced that he deals with the dog well because the dog has turned out so well.

He won't give up on the dog easily and I don't know how to prove that his "stern" training methods are veering into violence/ abuse.

Yes to this. I was aware he was more a stern, discipline-oriented dog owner, but what happened yesterday night was so so beyond what I consider acceptable.

until he saw my reaction he didn't realize that his training methods were too harsh

This is also so bizarre as well - what else does he think is normal??

This is what I'm thinking! It wasn't a throw, you can't throw a Labrador type dog unless you're standing a certain way and are strong. Was it underarm or overarm?

I've pushed dogs away when coming on the sofa and they've moved backwards. Sometimes slid across the floor but never in an aggressive or scary manner. That's the kicker.

This seems like a distinction without a difference. Throwing the dog off the sofa is never a good means of education, whether he appeared angry or not.

I don't think it's practical or reasonable for you to take the dog. I doubt the RSPCA will do anything if you report him. I guess you could hope that his reaction to this is to reassess his training methods and maybe look at a course or buy a book about dog training. That would be a positive outcome for the dog at least. But you should definitely stay away.

He pushed the dog with a lot of force so the dog "flew" for a couple of meters and landed on the floor on her side 2 meters away from the sofa. The dog is big but very slim and he is a big, tall, strong man.

We can discuss the details of the situation but there is no doubt in my mind that what I saw was totally unnecessary violence.

YANBU what a knob

and why equate throwing a dog across a room to talking about dog's needing discipline. Nothing to do with each other.

116 comments in and
you say the dog appears to be well cared for (good health condition, very obedient, sociable, easygoing) and he is convinced that he deals with the dog well because the dog has turned out so well.He won't give up on the dog easily and I don't know how to prove that his "stern" training methods are veering into violence/ abuse

Are you being deliberately obtuse?
The dog is obedient because it lives in fear, I've worked in rescue for over a decade and 98% of abused animals are abused by men, who think they need to be tough.
Prove it to him by showing him
this thread or better yet report him to RSPCA.
This thread and your hand wringing isn't going to protect the poor dog.

I did not suggest throwing anything across a room
What is the matter with you?

And yet you just said this in a previous post: the dog appears to be well cared for (good health condition, very obedient, sociable, easygoing).

The dog is NOT well cared for and your partner is an animal abuser and you are beginning to appear to be an apologist for his abusive behaviour. Why did you post if you're unwilling to accept your partner does not care for his dog, does not deserve a dog and is, in fact, a total scumbag?

Keep the dog and dump the boyfriend

Maybe the OP is being realistic. The RSPCA is going to do bugger all. Because of all the things she listed.

I think you are misunderstanding my words.

I was referring to the possibility of getting the dog away from him through official channels. If I involve the authorities, they will see a dog that looks well cared for and well-behaved. I totally agree that his behavior is unacceptable and abusive, but the dog doesn't show any signs of his violent behavior (yet) so I am not sure that animal welfare authorities would see anything wrong if they checked.

Dump him. But the RSPCA won’t be the least bit interested.