to dump my bf immediately because he was violent with his dog?

[CrayRumors]

NCed for privacy but I am a semi-regular.

My boyfriend of 6 months has a wonderful, well-trained, sweet dog. He has always been quite firm in terms of discipline while I am more of a cuddler with dogs. He is one of those people who think that dogs shouldn't jump on sofas, shouldn't be allowed in the bedroom, should always follow commands, etc etc. Fair enough. I sometimes questioned if his way of disciplining the dog was a bit excessive, but until yesterday I didn't see anything alarming.

Yesterday night we were on the sofa at his place, and the dog tried to jump on the sofa to come cuddle next to me. My boyfriend shouted "NO" and threw the dog off the sofa and across the living room. The dog landed on her side and looked terrified.

I was shocked and horrified. I immediately got up and left after telling him that using violence against an animal is unacceptable and that he had crossed a line. He apologized and said that until he saw my reaction he didn't realize that his training methods were too harsh, that he saw the error in his ways, and that he was ashamed of himself. This means that he had used violence regularly until then to train the poor dog 😭

I knew he had sometimes poor emotional regulation, although so far I hadn't seen anything remotely close to yesterday night's outburst. He suffers from depression and is seeking help, but he clearly has a long way to go. I am questioning if I should report him to the animal welfare authorities.

AIBU to dump him immediately after seeing this violence against his poor poor dog? I don't think I can ever look at him again in the same way.

That poor, poor dog living a life of fear, so desperate for a bit of love and affection it made the error of trying to get on the sofa next to you for it.

Your (now ex) partner is an absolute disgrace of a human to treat the dog the way he does and all that about not realising and he is depressed is just a load of utter bullshit, he enjoyed the power and control he was exerting over that poor dog he's only sorry that he let slip the true extent of his abuse to the dog in front of you.

You are 100% right to leave him, yes you should report him but as others have said I doubt the RSPCA will do anything though they damn well should but you should still make the call to them. That dog needs removing from him and rehoming and I doubt he'd give it up voluntarily.

Discipline does not need to be harsh though.

He's just shown you who he is with this. Animal abuse is a sign of a very disturbed personality, you don't want any part of that. Get rid of him.

Has he taken the dog to vet to check for any injuries, probably not My friends partner did similar and the dig died of internal injuries, she married him, there's no helping some people.

@CrayRumors
AIBU to dump him immediately after seeing this violence against his poor poor dog? I don't think I can ever look at him again in the same way

You ve answered your own question there. How can you love a guy that you've lost all respect for?

Report so the authorities are aware but don't expect them to do anything atm.

Depressing, what a controlling arsehole he is. Imagine him with your children if you had any. Report him and don't look back.

oh my god, dump him immediately and report him. 😥poor little pooch.

It's easy to injure a dog in this way. Internal injury or broken back. People who can't control their emotions shouldn't have pets. Too dangerous for the animal.

I don't see any problem with being strict with dogs, some breeds and some dogs flourish that way. But the way your bf behaved is completely unacceptable. Dump.

I could never ever look at him again without seeing that. Cruelty to animals is a significant predictor of domestic abuse and for that alone I would be gone. FWIW I have an extremely well trained dog and no one has ever hit or abused her in any way.

1000% I’d never speak to him again, absolutely a hill I’d die on animal abuse

Can you persuade him to re-home the dog? ('poor you, with your depression, its too much for you, you need a rest'...)
If not, Report, but RSPCA are useless.
Certainly, leave him. He knew exactly what he was doing. Cruel bastard.

People who abuse or neglect their animals often go on to abuse their partners or children in the same way.
Its an absolute red flag - and I don't believe you opened his eyes to his behaviour. I think its more likely he was testing you to see what your reaction would be. In your shoes I would use Clare's Law (Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme) to see if he has convictions.

This, poor poor dog 😢

The 100% on this thread helps restore your faith in human nature after reading what that bastard man did to the poor dog.

Why do all the threads about abusive men have crap like this I knew he had sometimes poor emotional regulation,or suspect he is ND
can we stop using excuses for these arseholes.

He has a clinical depression diagnosis with chronic suicidality so it is not my suspicion that he is mentally unwell, he definitely is. That doesn't excuse animal abuse obviously.

Anyone who thinks throwing an animal is OK is sick. I'd dump him immediately and report him!

(I'm with him on the discipline front - dogs need to be disciplined - but a firm NO and putting the dog on the floor would suffice, then telling them to sit and wait to be asked up! Certainly not throwing the dog!)

My boyfriend shouted "NO" and threw the dog off the sofa and across the living room. The dog landed on her side and looked terrified

Was it an actual throw? As in picked up and thrown, landing from the air? I would absolutely count that as animal abuse and would dump and report him.

The only possible grey area would be if it wasn't a 'throw' but a very firm push (too hard on reflection), on hard flooring that caused a skid and a fall...hopefully if you have dogs and wood flooring you know what I mean by that. I've pushed our dog off the sofa before and she's dramatically seemed to fly across the room and fall due to a skid, totally unintentionally (and I felt awful!).

The dog looking 'terrified' I would be wary of if this was a one off look and the dog is usually happy and relaxed...some dogs are naturally very submissive. We have a Springer who most of the time is settled, outgoing and confident and has never been disciplined with anything more than a stern word...but if she's done something wrong then she will cringe and cower and belly-walk towards me looking for all the world like an RSPCA advert showing a beaten dog!

Poor dog must have been so confused.

I would have left and taken the dog with me! Poor thing. There's a way to train animals and that's not it.

Anyone who hurts animals isn't right in the head.

Run as fast as you can. I'd kidnap the dog too. At the very least call the rspca.

Depression doesn't have anything to deal with the violence, pretty offensive of you to suggest it does.

He's a violent man, it would take a lot of force to throw a lab across a room. Many people wouldn't even be physically capable. Agree with a PP he might be testing your boundaries to see how amenable you are to abuse.

'@AtrociousCircumstance
Dump him and inform the RSPCA.'

This!

I would even take the dog away from him if you can...