Inheritance

[prou]

Is it ever acceptable to give the majority of your inheritance to one child if you have two?

I have 2 children. My daughter does so much for me, helps me out daily with tasks etc. my son calls once a month. He helps his in-laws a lot but we are lucky to get a phone call. I am going to move in with my daughter and her family in the next few years. I would like to sell my house and give her the proceeds (she has not asked for this and is unaware that I am considering doing this). If I ever needed the money I know my daughter would return it to me. I don't see why my son should inherit such a large sum from me when he really shows no care for us at all. AIBU?

I don’t see that OP has to forewarn him. If he kicks off, screams blue murder, which he may well do, she shouldn’t have to take that.

I would personally leave it as OP’s “last will and testament” as per the words suggest. If it bothers DD she can always give some.

@Mirabai for some people finding out after their parent has died could be very damaging.

My parents for the whole of my life said to my sibling and I we would not always be treated the same but would be treated equitably. Over most of our life this was true. We didn’t get given money at the same time for the same thing as our needs were different. However, over the years it evened out.

If I or my sister were not treated 50:50 in my parents wills I would be devastated as I would have been lied to all my life.

If my parents decided to do something different then an explanation would help me understand their thinking.

I think rewarding the person who has looked out for you and cared for you deserves more. Mind you if you become seriously unwell it’s amazing how the non supportive child is suddenly on the scene. Having said that definitely leave him a decent amount too for your daughter’s sake.

It's your choice as it's all your money - but don't underestimate the problems this may cause when you're gone.

Is there any way you can pay her now? Like the suggestion of rent. I agree with all suggestions that this is a much better thing to do. Spend what you can to pay for this help and support so that you then leave an equal amount in the will.

There is no 50/50 rule when it comes to wills. If I were living with my daughter and was being cared for by her, I would absolutely leave her a generous inheritance.

Sounds a bit 'King Lear' to me - it didn't turn out so well for him

Wow I was of the opinion it's your money you do what you see fit but then I read this and now I'm of the opinion SCREW HIM he's too busy to bother to speak to you well you are too busy looking after the family that look after you. I wouldn't leave the selfish sod a penny

You can do it of course but it’s utter madness unless you don’t care about the relationship between your children. It will cause resentment. When we have kids, we love them unconditionally and we shouldn’t play favourites. By giving one more than the other you are implying that you love one more. I get it - you are hurt and you want to punish your son for not showing you more love. The only way you can think to do that is financial. But it’s a really really bad idea.

Give her generous monthly rent and then divide what’s left 50/50. Dividing the inheritance unevenly might cause a rift between the siblings and even destroy relationships amongst cousins, don’t let that be your legacy.

Op why does your dil not want you guys around? I'm just thinking as my husbands family say the same about me but fail to tell everyone why I don't want them (calling me names, putting me down, turning up with food they made but telling me its for dh only, bad mouthing me to anyone that will listen, telling me my food is like shit just to name a few) and I have very honestly always told my hubby that I don't trust or want them around because of it. Ppl don't tend to just cut their own mums out for no reason. It can happen of course but I wonder what would your son say if asked why he doesn't want to see you much? What do you think he would say?

I don't see inheritance as a birth right and have always said to family, spend it and enjoy life. But I'm set to inherit from my father whereas my two brothers aren't in the will at all (they have nothing to do with him and haven't for years). It's sad but I see his decision for what it is. Ultimately it's his choice and I don't see me and my brothers falling out over it?

I agree, safest if you give her generous payments as your share of the running costs and housekeeping, technically she could be liable for tax on rent. Personally I'd do it in cash so that if sadly you were to die within seven years the money you transfer could be counted in your estate.
Your will could then split what is left between them and he probably wouldn't know that she had received money already.

Thank you each and every one for your replies. Sorry I can't reply to you all. I am not very fast at typing!!

Story with dil - we haven't ever fallen out. After they got married they would visit but it just became less and less (they said because of kids activities which I totally understand) and i never wanted to put pressure on them so let them get on with it. But the contact got lesser and lesser. I then did say something - not rudely - just said I would love to see more of the grandchildren and tried to suggest holidays together, trips together but the response was always we already have plans. It upset me for a very long time but I have accepted it now.

I have 4, the youngest will get everything. She is the only one who supported me through an horrendous divorce from her father, even though she was still living with him. She didn’t believe his lies.

Leave your son a token amount, and leave your dd most of it.

That's fair enough then it sound like you've been very easy going with her...but it might not be her saying she doesn't want to spend the time, it could be your son. I think you should talk to him regardless to what you leave him . I think he owes you an explanation in that case. Tell him straight how you see things and see what he says.

Ouch!

divorce is incredibly hard for children, and you expected them to take sides?!

dh’s kids have totally been swayed by their mum’s poison. They don’t speak to him any more as they believe their mum’s lies. They live with her and she has them emotionally bonded to her, years of drip drip drip about what an awful person their dad is.

however we recognise this isn’t the kids fault, it’s their mums. Wouldn’t cut them out the will because of an adult’s actions.

they won’t get much as dh doesn’t have any assets. But what he does have he’ll leave split between them.)

I would pay my daughter a generous amount each month for rent/care, I would not give her the proceeds from the house, as others have said it could be viewed as deprivation of assets.

Upon my death I would split the rest 50/50.

Yes it is acceptable
It is your money to do so as you wish!

I think as long as it is clearly set out in the will why, that’s ok.

What is damaging is leaving money unequally without any particular reason. Or saying one thing and doing something different.

If DS is a reasonable man he will see he put no effort in with his mother thus it makes sense for the one who did the dog work to be rewarded.

YANBU it is your money to do with what you wish. You do not have to give 50:50, you can give it to the cats home if you like.

Paying (over the odds) rent is a good way to get around any issues between your son and daughter.

As others have suggested I would pay your daughter monthly rent for living in the annex and give her your share for the bills. I would then split the inheritance 50:50 in my will. If daughter says she doesn't want rent tell her you don't want to live rent free and also tell her you will split all assets in your will 50:50. I think that's a fair way of doing things. So ultimately your daughter will end up with more of your money.

It’s not just rent and bills though. Care of an elderly parent is huge amount of work and sacrifice albeit willing and it impacts women’s ability to earn in other ways. If society acknowledged and rewarded the work women do in caring for elderly parents they and we as a society would be much better off.

Never never do this. If you dies with eg £22,000 ... then he'd get the majority.

My MIL has 3 children. She has a favourite. She spends lots on her daughter all year round and barely anything on her 2 sons. She sees her daughter nearly everyday. Her sons see her occasionally. When she dies the inheritance will be split equally.