Why are you married?

[Aquarius1234]

Why did you bother getting married?

Do you feel one or both of you are insecure hense the marriage?

Do you feel superior to those in long term relationships but not married?

@Aquarius1234 the legal parts of marriage are the same if you're 21 or 61 so why do you find it odd that 21 year olds get married.
I was at home not working for a just over a year (before my daughter was born) and supported by my (then partner) husband - essentially what used to be called a "housewife".
Why?
Because for my mental health I needed to leave my job. My husband understood that and wanted to support me (emotionally and financially).
So yes - some men are happy to support wife/partner at home even when there's no children.

I was anti-marriage but it was the only way to get the visa I needed. I had said that we should get divorced as soon as the visa wasn’t an issue but I actually found the marriage was important. It changed the way people treated us and came to mean something more than our previous years of living together and our financial and other ties. So we stayed married for more romantic reasons and I wish I’d married him just for the sake of it when he first asked.

It's far more than that. It is sensible financial planning for the family unit. I have never been financially dependent on DP nor him on me although at times who was the higher earner has varied.

I pass my unused tax allowance to DP which reduces the amount of income tax we jointly pay.

We can pass assets between us without penalty and some of them will pass to the surviving partner automatically without having to go through probate. Some are jointly owned but we can apportion the income between us in the most tax effective way. Others are split between us so that we can use the IHT legislation effectively which will save my DC a lot of tax.

In the unlikely event we split up, we are both entitled to an equitable share of the family assets which in this case will be a 50:50 split.

There are other tax quirks and benefits that attach to the married state. In the past marriage as an institution was purely financial and dynastic. That it should be primarily a romantic union is pretty recent. Love in a marriage was always a bonus, not an expectation.

Honestly? It felt like the next thing to do. I've always assumed that my long term relationship would end in a marriage, although I didn't feel any different after the wedding.

Neither of us are insecure. Despite the above, I don't see marriage as something that solidifies a relationship- you can still separate and walk away.

Don't look down on other people either. I'm of the opinion that people should do whatever they feel is best for them, and I support them in that.

We got married for the usual legal and romantic reasons. If you want to create a legal partnership you can do it in other ways but those ways are more complicated and more expensive. Marriage is a legal short cut, and it pre-dates Christianity and Victorian morals so I really don't see any principle worth cutting my nose off my own face for.

5 years after we got married DH was diagnosed with cancer so it turned out to have been the sensible thing to do. Medical professionals never once questioned my right to be involved, and neither of us had to worry about his estranged relatives turning up and interfering. And I never had to ask him to make a will. I am your age, OP, so don't think that this is only something to worry about later in life.

I got married last year, when I was 19. We both wanted to be married before living together and now we're living in another country and expecting a baby. Very happy to be married!

Unmarried couples with children are more likely to split up than married couples.

I don't believe this is because getting married helps you to avoid splitting up, it's more likely because the man is not fully committed to the relationship and doesn't want to marry you.

If your man isn't committed enough to marry you, don't have children with him unless you have sufficient financial means to raise them alone. Your legal status is not nearly as secure as that of a married woman.

I got married when I was 21, DH was 25. Main reason was because we wanted to, but also because we were ready to try for a baby and wanted to be married beforehand.

Practical reasons.
Superior, no. More secure, definitely.
Married for 20 years, child free. 😊🍿

Because we love each other, have children, have a house and have joint finances!

Because we fell in love and we still are after 32 years! It really was that simple.

I don't think people should avoid marriage just because they're in their 20s. I met DH whrn I was 18, still managed a degree/year abroad/travel, and we're still together after 20 years. It's made no difference to our lives that we got married at 24 as opposed to 34. I was never going to get to 26 and decide hey, I'll backpack round Brazil because I'm not married yet!

similar to me, I didn’t want to live together before marriage and got married in my early 20’s. This was not for religious or cultural reasons but because I wanted there to be a difference between being boyfriend/girlfriend to husband/wife. We had been together several years, very much in love and wanted to make a lasting commitment to each other.

Nothing to do with legal status, religion, family, expectations or children just because we loved each other.

still blissfully happy nearly 15 years later!

Yeah, avoiding marriage simply on the grounds of being aged between 20 and 30 is a really daft idea. If you don't want to do it yet then by all means don't, but the fact is that being married is different to being unmarried and some people in their 20s benefit from this. Frankly, I can't understand why someone wouldn't get how this might be relevant for a 26 year old.

Plenty of wealthy men will pay for that. They won't bet 50% of their estate on it though.

Why? The normal reasons: romantic, legal and financial reasons both during the marriage and in the case of the death of me or dh.

Nothing to do with insecurity from either of us.

Nothing to do with any perceived superiority either.

Fingers crossed it's the same for us! It wasn't for religious/cultural reasons for us either, we just wanted the commitment and we both want children young. Congratulations on your happy marriage!

What's wrong with wedding bands (I assume you mean the ring variety)?

This.

And no I don’t feel superior why would I?

I think the vows say they are a token of love and commitment to one another , rather than a signal to other people that you aren't available.

We don't wear wedding rings either.

Because they no longer fit...

We've been married nearly 39 years.

@MrsTerryPratchett I was made homeless with my children as you describe. I was married.

We married because it wasn’t enough to just live together any more. I wanted to be his wife and he wanted to be my husband. We aren’t religious, we haven’t got any money or property and we knew we weren’t going to be having children, so no legal reasons. And no pressure from family either. My DM is not a fan of marriage in general and in laws are together but never married.

No insecurities on either side. Neither of us wear a ring and I didn’t change my name or use Mrs as a title. And neither of us are under any illusions that a marriage licence will stop someone from cheating if that’s what they want to do. We’re faithful because we want to be, not because we’re married.

Absolutely not superior. What goes on in anyone else’s relationship doesn’t affect me in the slightest. And what is there to be superior about? It’s not as though you have to pass an exam or win a race or climb a mountain before they let you get married. Anyone can do it. And you don’t have to be in a happy or healthy relationship to do it either. It’s not an achievement.

You poor thing

It still happens of course but it's rarer.

I got married because I love my partner! But also because when we met in 2013 we couldn't legally get married, we could just have a civil partnership. I grew up thinking I'd always be "other", so jumped at the chance to get married as a same-sex couple!
Far from feeling superior to anyone, I just feel grateful that we have the same choices as every other couple - a luxury not afforded in many parts of the world.

Also, it was an excuse for the party of a lifetime! Bloody LOVE a wedding.