Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

[beenoutontheopenroad]

I’m overweight (I’m doing something about it but regardless) and I hate showing parts of my body which is difficult when the suns out.

Yesterday I met up with friends and had a t-shirt on that was a 3 quarter length sleeve. Straight away I got asked “won’t you be hot in that”.

If you’re that person please just don’t comment this, it personally makes me feel shit as it’s taken me ages to get ready and I already feel so far out of my comfort zone . It’s also irrelevant to you if I’m hot as I’m the one who has to deal with it.

Have you ever tried Xolair? Life changing

@buffyslayer Thanks, no I haven't. I'm in remission thankfully, so don't need it at the moment. I was mostly managing it with hardcore doses of fexofenadine.

I'll look into Xolair for my next outbreak. I'm hoping it will be a while though as I can go 10 years hive-free. I've just got over a year-long unsightly outbreak.

I have a friend who, when she comes round for a meal, wants to know how I made it, where did I buy the meat etc etc. I find it infuriating. I will just say everything is delicious and leave it at that and talk about something more interesting!

I've had it 28 years and mine got so bad. It's exercise/heat induced for me and comes up every single day since I was 12

I'm not in remission but as long as I take the Xolair, not a single hive. Miracle drug

I find this an incredibly odd attitude. You've invited someone round for a meal, presumably so that your friend enjoys it and likes what you've done, part of that is discussing what the meal is, where its ingredients are from, what methods you used to cook it. Its part of the interest in what you've done for her, all the effort you went to.

You say that you dont do this and find something 'interesting' to talk about, what is not interesting about food, and flavours and recipes and provenience ? Its part of the enjoyment of food surely

I agree with you @soupfiend.
If a guest has so enjoyed what I have made that they want the recipe I feel very flattered.

I have clearly forgotten how to do friendship because I would take this as a compliment. I don't much like cooking, so if someone is that interested in the slop I dish up, I am pleased.

Currently on this thread we have as non-interesting topics:
clothing choices
what someone had for tea
how they made it
where they bought ingredients

I expect more to be added. Personally, I find other people's children quite boring, so I never ask about them.

I wear cardigans in hot weather because I don’t want to burn. It wouldn’t bother me if someone asked if I’d be too hot, I’d just say ‘I don’t want to burn’.

I don't want to burn so I wear a long sleeved cotton or linen shirt.

I wear cardigans or long sleeves because I don't want to burn - and due to my skin type I'm at higher risk of cancer.

Covering up with sleeves is much less hassle than faffing with suncream all the time.

I agree. As a very troubled teen dealing with parental abuse I would self harm and hide it with long sleeves even in summer. The number of teachers and randoms encouraging me to wear short sleeves because I must be hot. Really discomforting and gave me so much shame which actually delayed me seeking therapy in adult life. It's like, there's no need. Just trust that a body's owner knows more about their body than you do.

I bet men don't have to put up with this shit

DP gets asked every year 'Aren't you hot in that?' because he wears dark longsleeved shirts all year round and has been told by a boss before that he stood out for all the wrong reasons/it made other staff feel uncomfortable as though he was trying to look like management.

Strangely, once he'd rolled them up and everybody got a good look at active Psoriasis patches, scarring from old Psoriasis patches and the hundreds of scars from cutting and burning himself as a teenager/young man, they were suddenly rather keen on him going back to his original appearance. However, he decided he rather liked getting some sun on his forearms, so kept them rolled up for a fortnight, meaning the Psoriasis cleared up but the brown tan really showed his SH scars off to their best advantage.

Nowadays, it's just the standard strangers asking him every year.

@buffyslayer I feel for you! I can see why Xolair is life changing for you.

Thank you for this post. I have made comments like this before but won’t anymore. It seems more thoughtful not to in case.

I think it's perfectly OK, people have said it to me and I wouldn't take offence ,whyever,its just a concerned question.

I think I have made similar comments, but I have learned a lot from this thread.

This has an obvious answer - no, I'm cooler wearing this than I would be if I had to cover a lot more skin with suncream; I burn fast. (Doesn't have to be true, though it would be for me and diverting the conversation towards proper clothing to prevent sunburn / reduce the risk of skin cancer is a reasonable response anyway to someone wearing very little clothing on a hot day)

Possibly the point you're missing is that no one cares about how you look.

But they probably do care about how you feel, how happy you are.

Either that or they're deliberately targetting you and feel even more insecure themselves.

They're probably your friends because they like you as person.

You've deliberately shut off advice about losing weight - by stating you're trying to address this.

But seriously - how many summers have you felt unhappy about clothes and what you're wearing?

And still no one cares about what you look like.

No one but you.

They obviously like you because either "you fit in" or you have "values" they appreciate.

So who are you dressing for?

There has never been a better time to be fat, with all the body positivity and generally most clothing houses doing plus sizes.

So do it in small steps. Buy a maxi dress. Feel comfortable.

Find a diet - an every day diet - that includes all the foods you love. A forever diet. Eat chocolate. But try to restrict it to 14,000 calories a week.

Your biggest challenge will be - how do I eat 14,000 calories every week and feel happy and not deprived. Because until you work that out, you can never maintain your weight, at any weight.

You can eat anything. You can do a full Sunday roast or eat pizza. But you need a normal every day diet like all your non-overweight friends.

You just need balance - not punishing yourself.

Then set yourself a challenge, now the evenings are long, and walk your streets for half an hour, 3 nights a week.

Seriously not kidding you. 68 year old woman who was not fat. Maybe stocky. I see her every Sunday. She doesn't work, but this was through winter over the past 7 months. She got a watch step counter. She set herself a challenge of walking 10,000 steps every day. Didn't really notice until she started looking different. She's pretty sound mentally and emotionally. But apparently walking 10,000 steps every day can have a dramatic effect. Trust me she was a slight nutter, as in pushing her mother out for a walk to complete the 10,000. But hand on heart, she's lost just over 3 stone in 7 months.

Omg shut up do you think all bigger people eat more then slimmer people 🙄 I was stick thin all my life then I started taking antispsychotics and got hypothyroidism I eat less now then I have ever done and iv never been this heavy. Hypothyroidism, pcos, menopause, peri menopause, medications, genes plus a million other things cause weight gain, diet is just a part of that and just because someone's overweight I'd doesn't mean their shoveling food down their throat 24/7

Personally I think you should never comment on anyone's appearance other than to pay them a compliment. "Won't you be hot in that" is not a compliment, and is, hopefully unintentionally, drawing attention to someone's weight. I managed to figure that out despite being naturally very thin before I had kids. It's not an okay thing to say.

congratulations but i think you have kind of missed the point of the thread there. This is not just about people who are conscious about their body shape. People have many reasons to dress the way they choose to and they don't have to justify or explain their choices to anybody. Yes the OP says herself that she considers herself to be heavier than she'd like to be BUT she also says that she is dealing with it. ...so I am not sure why yoru comment really.

As the girl who constantly has a hoodie type zip up top on even on the hottest days when i'm around anyone but my dad, i totally agree!

I know i'm fat, and i can see in the bloody mirror that a thin T-shirt, even one a few sizes bigger, looks shit, and shows every lump and roll. So i wear a heavier material, zip up over the top that more skims over my stomach, as even though it doesn't "hide" my size, or potentially even makes me look an extra size bigger, it makes me look a better shape.

"Yes, I AM bloody hot, my back is drenched in sweat and my sleeves are rolled up to my elbows, but it makes me feel a bit better and less self conscious, and your comment stating the bloody obvious, is humiliating, as we both know the answer, and WHY i'm wearing what i'm wearing."

@AlmostAJillSandwich people won't be noticing you as much as you think they are. Surely, a loose cotton or linen shirt would be far more comfortable than a thick hoodie, and more flattering than a T-shirt?

I am on the chubby side, but I could lose all the excess weight and still be covered up in the summer due to SH scars.

People do comment on them. I have had a man keep uttering "fucking hell", and nudge his wife to have a look... in my earshot. I have had people point me out to each other and have, what they think is, a sneaky look. I have had people outright ask me about it....

People do care what others look like. And it is the knobs who pass comments on it too.