Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

[beenoutontheopenroad]

I’m overweight (I’m doing something about it but regardless) and I hate showing parts of my body which is difficult when the suns out.

Yesterday I met up with friends and had a t-shirt on that was a 3 quarter length sleeve. Straight away I got asked “won’t you be hot in that”.

If you’re that person please just don’t comment this, it personally makes me feel shit as it’s taken me ages to get ready and I already feel so far out of my comfort zone . It’s also irrelevant to you if I’m hot as I’m the one who has to deal with it.

What I said was "I reserve the right" @willWillSmithsmith that would depend on the vicar and the old lady....remember I am an "old lady" myself 😎

YANBU - I'm another one with SH scars on my arm and I always wear long-sleeves.

I hate it when people say things like that... It's so rude and I don't understand how people can't see that. I would never think to comment on someone's appearance like that. And it's completely not just making a simple comment on the weather - that would be something like, "Phew it's warm today.", rather than making it personal.

But how does that in any way affect the person commenting? It's none of their business!

I agree, OP. I'm not overweight, but I hate my arms now I'm older and I don't like people commenting on my choice of sleeve length.

I'm sure any etiquette expert would say...where clothes are concerned, don't say anything if it's not a compliment.

It really winds me up that a) people come out with these inane remarks and b) how on earth does it affect them? They just busy-bodies!

I personally don’t ask people what they’re having for tea because I don’t care nor is it my business. I don’t ask people about their meals period because again, none of my business. Same with their clothing choices

It’s not rude. That’s why people can’t see it. It’s a “you” problem.

🙄

In the words of Stephen Fry:
"It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what."

@ComeAlongPeggy

I am also careful that if I’m with more than one person, saying “wow you look amazing” to one person makes it very obvious that you’re not complimenting the second person.

Yeah this. ^ DH and I have been on diets together a few times over the years (have both struggled with our weight over the years,) and annoyingly DH's weight always drops off much quicker than mine. It's actually soul destroying. I get so sick and tired of it. So much so that I refuse to diet with him now.

I was going to go on a diet the other week, and he said 'I'll go on it with you.' And I said (a few days later) 'er I can't be bothered to diet right now.' And I didn't. Neither did he. I will probably stealthily go on one, and just gradually eat less.

tl;dr As I said, when me and DH are on a diet together, he loses weight much quicker than me, like 2 and a half stone in four months - to my one stone in that same time. Every other person we see (that we haven't seen for a few months) says 'ooh Mr Sabre, you've lost weight, you're looking good.' He puffs his chest out as he is so pleased people have noticed. And I think 'what the fuck am I? Chopped liver?!' I have lost a stone, and have done well to lose a stone, and yet everyone just compliments him.

God in heaven.
Compliment everyone who turns up but don't compliment weight loss because what if they lost weight because they were severely ill but what if you don't compliment them and they take offense because they have lost a stone but what if you do compliment them and they take offense because are you saying their only value is in being thin....

Life is too short.
.

Yup. And just because you are offended, does not mean that you are right.

It really isn’t difficult. Don’t comment on other people’s bodies.

YANBU

Comment indicates that person thinks they know better than you what to wear. So yes, it can come off a little rude, even leaving aside body confidence issues.

Also not particularly helpful if you're already out and about and it's too late to change.

Are you in the UK? I think for Brits particularly, unsolicited advice can often sound like criticism (although in some other cultures I think giving advice is a way of showing you care, and people find Brits a bit touchy!).

Except if you read the thread poster above me said she would like people to comment on her weight loss.

In the words of Stephen Fry:
"It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what."

I like Stephen Fry. Also Ricky Gervais who has been similarly quoted. I honestly don't believe that either of them were referring to small, everyday interactions with the people who purport to care about us. They are talking about the right to hold and express certain opinions on subjects that engage people's interest - politics, religion etc. You can't please everyone and all that. I don't believe for one second it's about telling Auntie Mabel that she should remove her cardi because the weather's very hot. Or any other personal, irrelevant remarks about a person's appearance. Find something better to say. 'It's lovely to see you' works well for me as an opener.

Except thats the opposite of that posters beef isnt it

She's sulking because someones noticed her partners weight loss but not hers. Presumably she wouldnt give it a second thought if someone noticed hers but not his, that would be fine.

Agreed, it annoys the hell out of me. As a chronic urticaria sufferer, I wear long sleeves when I have an outbreak as it looks awful. I'd rather not have to explain my reasoning to anyone who disapproves of my clothing.

@RichardsGear

In the words of Stephen Fry:
"It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what."

Again, as I said to the poster who quoted similar from Ricky Gervais...

They are talking about offensiveness in comedy and the arts. About pushing boundaries. They are not excusing being tactless in every day interactions.

My mind boggles at the number of posters who are wailing about not being able to say whatever the fuck they like to people. I'd like to think in real life that most people know how to navigate social interactions with more grace.

Someone cay "ooh aren't you hot in that?", or "how can you eat all of that, I'd never manage all that food", or "ugh I could never eat shellfish, it gives me the heave" all they like. No one is saying you don't have the right. We're just saying you're a gobby tactless cow if you do.

I have been not complimenting friends on huge weight losses, because I don't comment on people's bodies, but apparently that's wrong too, according to a pp. I think I am still better off not commenting on weight loss. Though I am happy to accept a compliment if someone comments on mine!

Yeah - the idea that Stephen Fry was aiming his 'so fucking what' at someone he cared about and he'd chosen to spend time makes him sound like a total twat 😂

Now that multiple posters have explained multiple different personal reasons why they keep their bodies covered and how they don't like people commenting on it. Hopefully people will learn from this and not say this in the future.

Namechange4765 · Yesterday 20:26
Gwenhwyfar · Yesterday 09:46

So many adults can't dress for the weather.
Show quote history
But how does that in any way affect the person commenting? It's none of their business!

100%!

Gosh, the infantilising busy-bodies on this thread. Yes, for children, check...they might not have considered the weather forecast, but with adults, please have some respect and keep you nose out of other people's clothing choices.

I've actually witnessed this as a form of bullying. I've seen a situation where an unpleasant person has needled an overweight friend all under the guise of faux concern.

I'd imagine if you and your friends all went for a day's grape picking in the south of France, they'd turn up in little tops and shorts and no hat. Soon enough they'd be exhausted and in pain from sun exposure.

A lot of people mistakenly think that hot weather must mean skin on show. I doubt it's to do with your weight.

Unfortunately I very much doubt it 🤷‍♀️

fieldsofbutterflies · Today 10:25
Differentstarts · Today 09:32

Now that multiple posters have explained multiple different personal reasons why they keep their bodies covered and how they don't like people commenting on it. Hopefully people will learn from this and not say this in the future.
Unfortunately I very much doubt it 🤷‍♀️

Because it is sometimes a form of low-level, below-the-radar bullying. I've seen it in action! The 'innocent' concern.

I cannot fathom anyone having a valid interest in what someone else wears (in terms of comfort, I mean). That's entirely a personal matter. Why is that so difficult to understand.

(Slightly different issue, but I've had other women fiddle with my bra straps when one has slightly slipped into view. I have annoying sloping shoulders. Now, I'm a modest dresser so this is when I'm wearing a jumper - so no issue of exposing myself! They are often surprised at the reaction they get from mild-mannered me when they reach out and adjust them! It might irritate you to see an exposed bra-strap, but it's none of your business. And I'm not talking about a formal occasion where they might be legitimately pointing out a clothing malfunction - this happened when I was in my own home!!!)

My friend often wears cardigans in heatwaves. It seems crazy to me to wear a cardigan in hot conditions but I guess it must be about feeling uncomfortable about her weight. I'm overweight too though and wouldn't be judgemental about weight